Page 108 of Daniil
This would be so much easier if I never knew about him.I guess this is my penance for breaking Jesper’s heart.
Pulling out my phone, I check for any messages but there’s nothing.That’s probably a good thing.There’s nothing that would pull me away from Courtney and Micah.Not today.
Courtney sleeps for the rest of the day, not even waking up to eat.Once I get Micah down for the night, I stretch out beside her.I’m beyond exhausted and I want to spend one last night with the woman I love.The one I’m going to let go because it’s better for her.
I never would have thought myself the kind of man who’s altruistic this way—I was raised to believe I could have and do anything I want.That’s simply not the case with Courtney.It just kills me that she was right all along.My only hope is that I’m not breaking her heart the way she’s breaking mine.
* * *
At some pointin the early morning hours, I feel her stir beside me.She rolls into my arms, and I close them around her.
“You okay?”I whisper sleepily.
“Mmhm.”She nestles against me.
She’s quiet then but I can tell by her breathing she’s not going back to sleep.
“Something on your mind, sweetheart?”
“I’m leaving tomorrow.Today.I don’t know what time it is.”
“I know.”
“I don’t want to say goodbye.”
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry, Daniil.”Her voice cracks a little, and I refuse to let her feel bad for doing what’s best for our son.
“Shh, don’t cry.”I stroke her hair.“It’s okay.I understand.”
“Do you?”
“Of course.I want him to be safe too.He’s more important than anything else.”
“I’ll take really good care of him.”
“I know you will.And I’ve already set up a trust—for both of you.You’ll never have to worry about money.Work, don’t work, but you can do whatever you want.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yeah, I did.”I kiss the top of her head.“And if there’s anything you need beyond money, just reach out to Lennox.Or me directly.We basically established that he isn’t my child so there’s no reason you can’t contact me if you need anything.”
“I think…it’ll be easier…if I don’t.”
Yeah, there’s that.
“Just send pictures to Lennox once in a while.I need to see him.”
“I can do that.”Her voice breaks again and now she’s crying for real.
“I’m so sorry, baby.”I pull her to my chest.“Don’t cry.Please don’t cry over me.I’m not worth it.”
“That might be the dumbest thing you’ve ever said,” she sniffles.
“Thank you for giving me a chance to prove myself to you,” I say after a moment.“Things didn’t work out the way I hoped but I appreciate that you tried.That you let me be the man I wanted to be for you and for him.I just wish I could have done more.”
“You’re a good father,” she whispers.“That you’re willing to let him go is a testament to that.And someday, when he’s old enough to understand the danger and the sacrifice, I’ll tell him about you.”
