Page 105 of Lily In The Valley
“Yes. Pediatric oncology fellow at Seattle Children’s Hospital,” I replied.
He nodded once. “Then lead. We’ve got your six.”
I met his eyes, grateful. I wasn’t letting anyone touch my sister but me.
“Sterile towels and suction,” I said. “Zay, keep her calm. Nessa, you’re about to start pushing, okay?”
Vanessa’s voice broke. “Kelly… Keep my baby alive.”
I looked up, meeting her eyes. The fear in them broke me while giving me all the motivation I needed to make sure nothing went wrong. Fate be damned.
“You know I got you always,” I said to her.
“And forever,” she responded.
“Another contraction should be coming in thirty seconds,” Nyah shared, watching the timer on her phone. Karter barked chaotically in Lynn’s arms. She nuzzled him close to settle her nerves.
“Okay, Nessa. Just breathe with me, okay? It’s going to hurt a lot, but you’ll feel so much better after. I promise.”
Xavier kissed her temple. “We’re right here. Yell as loud as you need. Squeeze my hand as hard as you need to, baby. I don’t care if you break that motherfucker, you hear me?”
She nodded.
And as the next contraction built, I took a deep breath of my own and said the words I never imagined saying.
“Okay, Nessa. On this next one…push.”
One contraction later, the baby slipped into my hands–slippery, perfect, crying like she knew she was loved. Her mother’s daughter for sure.
A beautifully loud, wailing, healthy baby girl.
I wrapped her in towels. Placed her on Vanessa’s chest. Vanessa sobbed. Zay held them both.
I sat back on my heels, breath caught in my throat.
The room had gone quiet aside from the rustle of towels, the soft cry of the baby, and Xavier whispering Vanessa’s name like a prayer. My gloves were still on, streaked with blood and vernix. My body was still, but my breath had gone somewhere far away. Like my body knew to hold it for just a little longer, just until it was really over. I looked at the baby, red-face and hollering, impossibly small but already so real. A whole human. A whole beginning.
And I’d helped bring her here.
It didn’t feel heroic.
It didn’t feel like a movie.
It felt like pressure. Like terror. Like instinct wrapped in adrenaline. Like I had split open and stitched myself together again all within the span of a few minutes.
“She’s perfect,” Vanessa whispered, still admiring her and Xavier’s little miracle.
I blinked back tears, smiling and nodding.
“You did that,” I said.
But inside, my heart was racing from the fall. I backed away slightly, let the paramedics step in to do what they came to do. My body felt full and empty all at once. Then I started shaking. Khalil caught me when I swayed.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I’m fine.” I lied. But the truth was written all over me. My hands shook. My eyes wide and far away. My throat was so tight I thought I might scream.
“Let’s get you cleaned up,” he soothed, pulling me away from everyone and into the guest bathroom.
