Page 106 of Lily In The Valley
He turned on the water, let it get warm before he wet a fresh towel. He pulled the gloves from my hands, disposing of them in a trash bag found under the sink. Slowly, softly, he wiped my arms clean. Afterwards, he pulled me in. Didn’t say anything else. Just held me. Anchored me. Let me fall apart in the quiet space between his heartbeat and mine.
“She could’ve died,” I whispered into his chest. “They both could’ve died.” He pulled me tighter.
“But she didn’t. They’re both fine. You did good, Lily-girl.” He kissed the top of my head. I squeezed him back tighter.
“Are they okay?”
“Yeah, they’re okay. You’re okay, too.”
And for a few quiet seconds, I let go.
All of it.
The fear. The release. The knowing that I had just done something I couldn’t undo. Something that reminded me exactly who I was. And who I still had the chance to become.
Chapter 32
Khalil
The cinnamon applesfrom the plug-ins she kept in every room, singed my nose when I stepped through the door. The lights were low. The curtains drawn. A candle flickered on the kitchen counter beside a bottle of red wine she’d already opened. Tasha moved around with her usual poised self, graceful, curated, aware of how to take up just enough room without seeming like she was trying.
“Hey,” she said, looking up from the couch when I walked in. “You hungry? It’s late, but I can cook you something.”
“I’m good.”
She nodded but lingered then settled, her hands busy with the remote, her eyes not really watching the screen. I set my keys down, dropped onto the far end of the couch. The space between us felt wider than usual. Not cold, just stretched thin. She waited a beat. Then another.
“You’ve been off,” she said finally.
I looked over at her. She didn’t say it like an accusation. Just a fact. I didn’t respond right away. Because she was right.
Ever since Kelly flew back to Seattle, it’d been like I was wading through putty. I’d tried to stay present. I’d tried to be the version of myself that fit easily here. But something had shifted.
Liking Tasha was smooth.
Loving Kelly had been an ache.
But only one of them had made me feel.
“I’m just tired,” I said.
I looked at her. Really looked and saw it in her face. The knowing. The waiting.
“You don’t have to pretend,” she said. “You’ve been somewhere else for weeks now. And it’s because of her.”
I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. “It’s not like that.”
“It is,” she said. “You just don’t want to say it out loud. But it’s because of Kelly.” Tasha didn’t get louder. She got sharper.
I closed my eyes for half a second. “It’s not just about her.”
“But she’s part of the equation, isn’t it? It’s why you didn’t want me to come to the baby shower.”
“You got an invite. You decided not to come.”
“It was a pity invite,” she shot back.
I didn’t answer because we both knew it was the truth. We’d been out for dinner with Xavier and Vanessa. She was so excited to show the invitations, she felt bad not including Tasha.
