Page 49 of Love and Other Mental Health Concerns
“And also, don’t turn your phone off like that, it isn’t safe that people can’t reach you. People worry about you.” Well, now I feel a little bit like a jerk for that. Clearly, I hurt him more than I thought I could.
I’m left reeling, heart racing. I should have expected that he would see through my fear. We have talked enough about how we function over the past month, realistically past few months, that he knows me as well as I know myself at this point. I am scared, was scared, more easily than I should have been. Here he is though, ready to forgive me and wanting to talk. I don’t understand what Keith could possibly have to do with any of this but will find out soon enough, apparently.
I sit down at my desk, deeply inhaling the remaining scent of the man. The man I just let walk out of my office without speaking a word to because I am a coward. He showed up for me, again. Accepted me, again, and I still hesitate. As I internally kick my own ass, I turn on my computer and store my purse and jacket, that’s when I catch it. Just to the right of my computer is a small, framed picture of Nick and me. A selfie we took in front of the river from our outing at the Fall Festival of Fun a couplemonths ago. I am looking at the camera, a huge grin on my face, curls all over the place. Nick though, Nick is looking at me. He is looking at me with this joy that no descriptors could do justice, like I am the sun.
The tears fall. He’s made his point.
The day has flown by, filled with multiple intake assessments in the emergency department from over the weekend, a couple interviews with student candidates for internships in January, and a support group to lead for postpartum depression and anxiety. The work is a calm in the storm of my personal life, and I relish the feeling of productivity and purpose.
Still, my curiosity about this meeting with Keith has had my mind wandering in those moments of pause. I can’t imagine why Nick would suggest I not miss it.
I cross the lobby and head down the hallway toward the conference room. Annie joins me as she sees me pass, and Lauren is already at our regular table by the time we sit down.
“Hi Lauren, you have any idea what this is about?” Hoping she has a clue.
“No, maybe PacSun is having a sale, and Keith wants to make sure we are all aware.” Annie and I giggle as Lauren pops her nicotine lozenge and Keith walks in the room. The frosted tips are refreshed, and a visor on his head. He has on a pink polo shirt…on top of a green polo shirt. Two popped collars but not a shred of dignity in sight. He marches right up to the podium and begins, skipping his usual fanfare.
“Good afternoon, everyone, I am going to get started right away since this isn’t our typical meeting time, and I know many of you have other responsibilities to attend to. I have some very exciting news to share with you! We have found our next chief operating officer!” Quiet murmurs start around the room.
“Great,” Lauren spews sarcastically.
“I know, doesn’t this person know the average length of stay for the North River COO? Keith can’t keep them past nine months.” I echo, again wondering why Nick would think I shouldn’t miss this announcement.
“Nick Anderson, the consultant that most of you are familiar with by now, has accepted the role and will begin working in that capacity as soon as his current contract is up.” My stomach bottoms out, and my arms go numb. Is this what a heart attack feels like? Annie grabs my wrist and is glaring at me. “Unfortunately, Nick has some personal business to attend to today, but he gave me the go-ahead to make this announcement to avoid any rumor mill situations. So, would you look at that? Delegating already!” No one laughs, but Keith does.
“You didn’t tell me about this,” Annie says suspiciously.
“I had no idea.” The loss of color in my face must have told her I was telling the truth.
“He didn’t tell you?” Lauren chimes in.
“No. He was in my office when I got to work this morning waiting for me though, told me not to miss this meeting and let me know he wouldn’t be in the rest of the day.”
“That’s all he said?” Annie asks.
“No…” I take a deep breath. “He said that when I am ready to stop ignoring him and acknowledge what we have, that he will be ready to talk, and he left a very cute picture of the two of us on my desk in a little frame.” Annie just stares back at me with an eye roll that is most certainly directed at me.
“I don’t think I need to say anything.” She confirms.
“I know, I know.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Nick
My nerves are still in recovery from the whiplash I got from Marcy over the weekend. Looking back, I can see my errors. I should have just called her, maybe even explained what I was planning to do on Saturday, but I couldn’t risk getting her hopes up about something that I wasn’t convinced would happen.
After spending nearly every moment of free time I have had with Marcy for the past month, it was clear to me that I wasn’t going to be ready to leave her at the end of my contract. She is smart, funny, kind, and so damn sexy. Everything I could ask for in a partner, and the best part of it all is that she became my best friend. There is something about loving your friend that makes all those scary parts of you seem less so. That longing that was picking at me has been quieted since acknowledging that I was sharing life’s burdens with someone else. Someone I want to spend all my time with, experiencing life from the mundane to the thrill seeking and everything in between. I don’t care that she has terrible taste in music or can’t change a lightbulb, or that she gets overly invested in the Bravo couples. She feels every bit that she’s mine. Mine to hold, mine to care for, mine to cherish, and I can’t shake this knowing feeling that we should be together.
Have I told her any of that directly?
No, not exactly.
Instead, I applied for the chief operating officer role about a week ago. Much to my surprise, Keith was excited that I would be willing to consider the opportunity. We decided to meet on Saturday to go over the details of the position, including hashing out what our goals for the hospital would be going forward. I couldn’t accept the job if Keith, the CEO, seemed put-off by my visions for the role and for the business. He and I need to be a team, regardless of how ridiculous he can be. The meeting went much longer than I anticipated. We ended up talking, arguing, and ultimately harmonizing over a few beers about what the hospital and community would benefit from.
I told him about Marcy and me, which in hindsight, I realize she may not be thrilled with. I was exhausted and weak after the day of marathon interaction with Keith, and I realized that if she is the main reason I am going to take this job, then I don’t want there to be anything standing in our way of being together. Keith was more than supportive, he was eerily excited for us and told me there should be no issues with human resources, since Marcy can still report to him directly.
I didn’t realize Keith is a romantic.
