Page 48 of Love and Other Mental Health Concerns
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Marcy
“Marcy, we stage an intervention for you, needing to hear more from you, and your response is to turn off your phone for two days?” Annie lectures me as we walk into the hospital together on Monday morning. She was waiting for me in the parking lot, so I knew I was in trouble.
“Eh, it’s not for the reasons you think. Things with Nick ended predictably and I needed a time out.” I try to keep walking, but she quickly inserts herself in my path.
“Stop moving. What are you talking about?”
“I got home after our brunch on Saturday, and he wasn’t there. He didn’t come back; I cooked dinner and everything. I text him hours later and get this text back.” I hold up the phone to show her.
“And I see you gave quite the mature response in return.” She gives me a look.
“Yes, well I could see where it’s going. He wasn’t even thinking about me on Saturday, while I am raving to you about his tongue and our maybe future. I can’t do it Annie; I can’t get into something that ends in me being destroyed again.”
She stares at me, a thoughtful and almost pitying look in her face. “Marcy, that text includes him calling you beautiful and a smiley face. It is possible he did lose track of time and something unexpected came up. I am on your team, one hundred percent, but he has spent every day with you for the past month. This might be the time to offer some grace. Who is doing your thinking, you or your anxiety?”
I consider what she is saying.
Considering. Considering.
“It doesn’t matter.” I quip.
“How is that possible?” She’s asks, exasperated.
“Because I have already fucked it up.” I try to go around her and keep walking.
“You are going to have to walk me through that one.” Annie says as she steps in front of me again. I would be more frustrated if she and I hadn’t been through similar arguments before, her challenging my anxious thoughts.
“Maybe he was genuine, maybe he just lost track of time and wanted to see me on Sunday, but I overreacted and I’m sure that was a turn off. It’s either that, or I overestimated my importance to him, and he forgot I existed. Either way, it’s not looking good for me. How can I give my heart to a person when I am in a place where one text message sends me reeling like that?”
“Marcy, just talk to him. You are letting your trust issues blow up the best thing that has happened to you since…well, since me.” Arm around me, Annie directs me into the building. “Aren’t you a professional in mental health who encourages open communication?”
“I hate when you bring that up.”
“It’s relevant.”
“Remember inThe Wedding Plannerwhen J. Lo said, ‘those who can’t wed, plan?’ The same goes for social workers sometimes.”
“Don’t you dare weaponizeThe Wedding Planner. Talk to your situation-ship and figure it out. I love you.” Annie splits toward the nurses’ station once we enter the building, while I head toward my office.
“I love you too!” I yell over my shoulder. I stick the key in my office door, ready to get to work and forget I ever tried to have a personal life. As I flip on the light though, I notice the space in my office has been occupied.
There is Nick, waiting for me like some sort of panther in the dark, ready to pounce.
I am instantly overwhelmed by the smell of him, and my body immediately wants to walk over and sit in his lap so he can play with me like I have let him do for the past month, but my mind is too cautious for that right now. He looks tired, his beard is a mess, and his eyes have dulled from their typical shine. He is dressed casually, sneakers, jeans, and long sleeve white shirt.
“Hello Marcy.” His voice his rough and unsure.
“Hi Nick.” I don’t know what to do. “How long have you been waiting here?”
“Not long, and I won’t stay long either. I am sure you are busy on Monday mornings, so I will make my point brief.” My stomach is in my throat, and I can feel the sting of tears behind my eyes just from being in his presence and trying to deny my feelings for even a moment.
“Okay,” I get out shakily.
“I know that you struggle with trusting people in your life. It makes sense to me why you do. I don’t know what happened this weekend. I had some appointments on Saturday that I didn’t discuss with you, but clearly should have. I knew you had brunch with your family, and I was looking forward to talking to you about some things that developed from that time away on Saturday. Things that feel big and exciting. Things for us.” He gets up and crosses what little space there is in the office. He liftsmy chin with one finger so that I am looking him straight in the eye.
“I didn’t realize how quickly you would get scared of me. Scared of me not wanting you. Marcy, I could never not want you.” He’s so intense in this moment, not the lighthearted gold-retriever. “I am getting the sense I need to work on my text communication, probably communication in general. Regardless, I am waiting here to tell you that Keith is going to call an all hospital meeting this afternoon and you should go. I won’t be there, and I won’t be at the hospital the rest of the day either. Whenever you are ready to stop ignoring me and accept what we have, then let me know. I’ll be around.” He kisses me on the cheek and goes to leave.
