Page 101 of Santa Has a Six-Pack
“I got your back, girl,” I say. “Whenever you need me.”
There’s no Missile Ho above us right now, but everything in me wants to kiss this woman.
Just as I’m about to lean in, she drops my hand and says, “So… should we decorate your tree?”
“Hell yeah, we should.” I drag the cardboard box filled with lights and ornaments directly in front of us. The tea kettle squeals from across the room. “I believe I promised you a hot chocolate, did I not?”
“You certainly did.” She smiles.
“Coming right up, miss.”
While I pour hot water into two big mugs filled with hot chocolate mix, Penny winds our first string of lights around the tree.
“I love the smell of a real tree,” she says. “As a kid, we had fake trees in every room.”
“Hold the phone.” I bring our mugs over and place them on my coffee table to cool. “You had trees in every room?”
“Not every room. But the big ones, yeah. The dining room, the living room, the sitting room, the parlor…”
“How is a parlor room different from a sitting room? Or a living room for that matter?” I laugh and wrap the next string of lights around the tree.
“Fuck if I know,” she laughs with me. “Point is, we had a lot of rooms and a lot of fake trees in my house. But Christmas at my great-aunt Betsy’s house was more relaxed and fun. That’s where my parents would leave Banks and me when they went on their holiday trip every year. She always got one small real tree from the Christmas tree farm. Same place I took you to tonight. She let me pick it out and saw it down.”
“I thought you seemed skilled with that saw,” I say.
“Lots of practice. Scared you, huh?” She nudges me.
“Oh, big time. I don’t call you Pennywise for nothing.”
I’m struck by how domestic this all feels. Penny is here in my apartment. Us poking fun at each other. Decorating my Christmas tree together.
It feels like we’re a real couple.
“Alright, last string of lights.” I grab them and plug them in. “Then we can start hanging these truly exquisite ornaments from the dollar store.” I joke and hold up a tin filled with glittery red and green Styrofoam balls.
“Oh! I almost forgot!” Penny runs to her purse. “I have something for you.”
“Penny Whitaker, did you get me a present?” I tease. “Christmas is still over a week away.”
“Sort of,” she says. “But don’t get too excited. It’s just a little something from Mother of Junk.”
“Did you spend your Penny workout money on me?” I ask as I finish wrapping the last of the lights around the tree.
“Maybe.” She approaches me with a hand hidden behind her back.
God, she looks gorgeous. Her cheeks are all pink. Her eyes are glassy with mischief.
“I was wondering why you wouldn’t let me see what you got,” I say.
“Sit down and close your eyes,” she commands.
“Oh, it’s like that, is it?”
“It is,” she says with a shy smile.
Your wish is my command, Penny.
I don’t say that, of course, but I do sit down and close my eyes as requested.
