Page 17 of Sharkbait
“You may.”
“A woman’s decision to cohabitate has nothing to do with her intelligence or independence. I too am an independent woman, but I moved in with Ralph right away. And that decision certainly hasn’t been the ‘death knell of a relationship’ for us. And for the record, he does not ‘take care of me.’” She purses her lips and reconsiders what she just said. “Well,sexuallyspeaking, he does. Obviously. I mean, who would waste their time with someone who didn’t take care of them sexually? Oh Lou, can I tell you the brilliant thing he did to me this weekend with his—”
“No, you cannot!”
I nip the brother sex story in the bud. I’ve already heard way too many of those.
She shrugs. “Your loss.” She does a few bunny hops in another attempt to peek through the window. “Okay, this wait is excessive. I’m ringing the bell again.”
She does, and we stand in silence for a moment.
I sigh. “I just think—in general—we women need to be careful. If we get too comfortable with a guy too soon, we’re in for a world of trouble more often than not. That’s why I am one-hundred-percent off relationships. Been there, done that. From here on out, it’s flings only for me.”
At that, the door flies open, revealing Mabel wearing a saucy smile.
And nothing else.
She croons, “Did someone say trouble?
Chapter Five
Louise
"Ahhh!!” Calliope screams.
“Ahhhhh!” Mabel shouts back. “Why are you yelling at me!?”
“Because you’re naked!!”
Mabel casts her eyes down her completely clothes-free body. “Huh. I am! Cool, right?”
“You seem surprised,” I offer. “Did you not realize that you are one hundred percent in the buff?”
She giggles. “I guess I momentarily forgot? Nudity is my natural state now, so believe it or not,wearingclothes actually feels odd.”
“I take it this is a new development?” I ask.
“Yup! I’m a nudist now,” Mabel says proudly. “Ever since I got my own place! I can’t stop reveling in the freeeeeeeedom!” She accompanies freeeeeedom with a shoulder shimmy that keeps on giving long after she intentionally stops shaking. “Oh, hi, Mr. Reynolds!”
She waves happily to an elderly man a few doors down who is frozen by the unexpected strip show he’s receiving. The key in his hand is frozen in midair.
“That’s Mr. Reynolds,” Mabel explains as she turns back to us. “He’s so nice. All of my neighbors are!” She waves to him again as he finally shuffles his way inside, eyes wide as saucers. “Well? What are we waiting for? Let the party planning begin!”
“After you.” I bow my head toward Calliope.
This may be the first time I’ve ever seen her speechless.
We dutifully trail behind Mabel’s bare bum as she leads us through the door and into her open concept kitchen.
Once we land, she whips around with the flourish of a game show host. “So? What do you think?”
“About the apartment? Or your genitals!?” Calliope bursts.
“Oooooooooh,” Mabel shudders. “Can we not? The word ‘genitals’ makes me feel weird.”
“Genitals!” Calliope wields the word like a weapon.
“Oooooooooh,” Mabel shudders again. “I would think the lady who writes dinosaur porn could come up with some sexier terminology for the lady land, no?”
