Page 37 of For Butter or Worse
“That’s not actually how the movie goes, though. They hate each other at first, remember? And then he pretends he doesn’t know who she is, and is kind of catfishing her.” He paused. “As I’m saying this out loud, it’s not actually the healthiest start to a relationship.”
“My Tom would never catfish anyone. They’re in love. They are together.”
“Okay, okay,” he chuckled.
Leo grabbed the remote from his coffee table and turned on the TV. He did get channel sixty-four, but it was the Home Shopping Network, and most definitely not a rom-com. He scanned the listings to see where his mom’s movie was until he foundYou’ve Got Mail. It was the dinner party scene, where Tom Hanks scoops up a caviar garnish, and Meg Ryan says, “What are you doing? That caviar is a garnish!” And he goes ahead and scoops more.
“Okay, I found the movie.” Leo settled back into the easy give of his couch cushions. There was something soothing about watching with his mom, even if he could hear the slight delay between their TVs.
“Caviar is not a garnish,” his mom said, almost disgusted. “It’s delicious. Why wouldn’t someone want to eat it?”
“Parsley is a garnish,” Leo said.
“Nothing is a garnish,” she corrected. “If it’s food, it should be edible and not decorative. That’s what your father always said.”
“That’s true.”
Growing up, his dad and Gavin cooked together, while Leo and his mom watched movies. And while Gavin was never interested in anything sappy—and later revealed that “watching straight people kiss was never my idea of a good time”—Leo loved his mom’s romance-skewing choices. When he was old enough, he got to occasionally pick one, too. They watched everything—fromMoonstruckto10 Things I Hate About You. He was a sucker for a happily-ever-after, so movies likeCasablancawere out.
“You know I just want to see you happy, right?” his mom said.
Leo licked his lips. This was one of those moments where he really felt like he could tell her exactly how he was feeling. She’d given him this little bridge that he could walk across, into her arms, and tell her that he was going through some shit, and needed help figuring it out. There had been plenty of times like this—where he was hurting, or his anxiety was overwhelming—but he’d never taken the opportunity to tell her the truth. He’d always been too aware that he was supposed to be the strong one for his family. And what he was going through wasn’t what they needed or wanted from him.
“Leo?” she persisted.
“I know,” he told his mom.
He had to be strong for his ma. So he’d give himself today to wade through the hailstorm, but tomorrow he’d have to snap himself out of this...something.
“That’s my good boy.” He heard her let out what sounded like a sigh of relief. And before she hung up, she said, “Ciao, baby.”
Leo held the phone to his ear and listened to the nothingness. He stayed like that—watching the movie play out and wondering what the hell he was going to do about the mess he’d gotten himself into.
From: Tom
To: NinaLyon; LeoODonnell
Subj: FIX. THIS.
Attached you will find your itinerary for tomorrow’s outing. But here are some helpful tips:
1. Do not cry. Do not make each other cry. Don’t so much as wipe the dust from your eye, because someone will take your photo with their phone at that exact moment and, to be honest, I don’t have the strength to spin another sob session.
2. Leo, people now think you’ve made your girlfriend cry. Remember that if you feel the urge to actually make her cry.
3. Nina, people feel sorry for you . No one wants to eat at the sad lady’s restaurant!
4. Please try hard to look your best on this date so that when people see photos of you together...they think sex.
5. Kiss. Do it in front of people. Out in the open. Look like you’re enjoying it. Details in the itinerary.
Best,
Tom
PS—Do not fire me for suggesting #5, I’m just DOING MY JOB, UNLIKE YOU TWO.
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