Page 78 of Keeper
“It’s true.” She pauses and inhales a deep, shaky breath. “Look, we’re all fucked up in our own way after losing Mum. There were some seriously dark years in that house we grew up in. I guess I thought since you were so young, you wouldn’t be as affected by it, but I was wrong.”
“I get it. I’m fucked,” I moan, feeling more sorry for myself than ever.
“You’re not fucked, Booker. But you need to understand that you sensed that loss with Mum when it happened, even though you were little. Because of that, I think you’ve clung to the family extra tight. So much so I think your inner child is afraid of losing anyone ever again.”
“Did you just say inner child?” I ask, my brow furrowing in disbelief.
Vi straightens. “Yes I did. I’ve done some therapy sessions with Hayden, all right? I’ve learned a thing or two.” She leans in again. “I also learned that no matter how motherly I tried to be when we were kids, I was still just a child playing make-believe and you deserved more.”
The break in her voice makes my chest hurt. I reach over and clutch her fists. “You were great, Vi. You are great. You’re the glue that holds us all together. If it wasn’t for you, we’d never see each other. And I’d probably still be living at home, acting like an even bigger whore than Tanner.”
Vi giggles and it brings a much needed smile to my face. “Hayden says I’m too controlling over you guys. That you need to figure out how to make your own mistakes.”
“Oh, bollocks. Hayden just doesn’t understand the Harris way. Your fuck-up is my fuck-up.”
Vi laughs and swipes at a few stray tears that slip out. “He says you guys have a codependency on me to fix all your problems. Can you believe that?”
“That just sounds like psychobabble again.” I wink and take another sip of my coffee.
“Exactly what I think.” She smirks, but then her brows pinch in the middle as she watches me closely. “I’m sorry Poppy isn’t the one for you, Booker.”
Her words dig at a place in my chest, but I brush them off. “Yeah,” I reply casually and set my mug down.
She clicks her cheeks and adds, “But you can’t force love.”
I nod, avoiding her penetrative gaze. “Right.”
“And if you don’t love her, you can’t be with her.” She brings her mug to her mouth and takes a sip.
Frowning at her repetition, I reply, “I know, Vi.”
“Well, she deserves to find happiness, don’t you think?”
“Yes.” My spine straightens with annoyance. “But I don’t think she was unhappy with me.”
Her face scrunches as she ponders for a few seconds. “Even if she wasn’t wanting love from you, it never would have lasted. These things happen for a reason, Booker,” she states simply with a patronising head nod.
My eyes narrow on her. “Why do you think it wouldn’t have lasted?”
Her brows lift. “Well, you’re busy. And so young. And not even close to ready for that kind of responsibility.”
“What responsibility are you referring to exactly?”
“Being a family man,” she says, her voice rising in pitch like this is what she’s been saying all evening. “We just talked about all the issues you have because of Mum’s death. You’re clearly not emotionally capable of being in love, let alone being a father. You need to have an open heart. And if you can’t love Poppy, you won’t be able to love the baby.”
“What the hell are you going on about?” I snap, shoving back from the table. “You sound completely mental!”
“Well I’m just saying. Loving a baby is hard. They don’t give you much to go on.” Her casual tone is mind-boggling to me.
“I love Rocky,” I state matter-of-factly.
“Well,nowmaybe. She’s older and she smiles and giggles. That makes it easier. As newborns, they take and take and take.”
“You’ve completely lost it, Vi. I loved Rocky the second she was born.”
She rolls her eyes like I’m a fool. “Booker, I know you. And I know what’s best for you. Take my advice here. You’re better off this way. I’m sure Poppy will let you be a part of the baby’s life in some small way.”
“Fuck that!” I roar, standing up and thrusting a hand through my hair, a rising panic building in my chest. “I don’t want some small way.”
