Page 20 of Letting Go of Yesterday
On Friday morning, Rowan had been almost as relieved as Theo to see Leo being dropped off in the playground. She’d tried to talk to Theo the night before about how he was feeling, but he’d shut her down, saying he didn’t want to talk about it. She hadn’t been able to check on the situation at lunchtime because she’d had a meeting scheduled with one of the teaching agencies that would be providing cover when the Year 4 teacher went on maternity leave after Christmas. Thankfully Caden, who was sharing playground duty with a couple of the teaching assistants, had popped his head around the door as soon as her meeting was over and told her that Theo and Leo had spent lunchtime together, and that Theo seemed ‘back to his old self’. She’d been really grateful to her new colleague for looking out for her son, but Caden had no idea what Theo’s ‘old self’ was like, because that little boy had all but disappeared when she and James had split up. So when her phone pinged with a text message from her soon-to-be ex-husband, just before the end of the school day, she couldn’t imagine it saying anything she wanted to hear.
I was going to call you, but I knew you’d be working. I’m really struggling and I don’t know if I can carry on like this. I know you’re angry and that I’ve got no right to ask, but I need your help. Dad’s been on my case wanting an explanation for everything and I can’t keep a lid on this for much longer. I’ve made such a mess of things and I can’t see a way out. Can you call me when you get this? PLEASE.
Rage bubbled up inside her. He was struggling? The gall of it was staggering. Their little boy was broken hearted and James expected her to feel sorry for him. He hadn’t even confirmed arrangements yet to come and see the children, despite claiming to be desperate to weeks ago. She wanted to call him right then and there and tell him exactly what he’d done to their son and that she was terrified he might always be the frightened little boy he’d become these last few months. Theo had always been gentle and sensitive, but this was far more than that. She didn’t call James to tell him any of that, though. She needed to take her time to work out what to say. No matter how angry she was about James’s inability to see the impact of his actions on anyone but himself, she knew Theo and Bella would want to see their father. He could wait for a response though; let him stew. She certainly wasn’t going to make it her priority, because today she wanted to be the one to pick her own children up from school and take them home, instead of someone else doing it.
Rowan had worked late every afternoon on the first week of term, relying on her parents and stepparents to pick the children up and take care of them until she eventually got home, but tonight was going to be different. Tonight they were heading home together and they’d be having takeaway pizza, and then popcorn and a movie. So all talk of their father and anything else could wait; tonight was just for the three of them.
Shutting down her computer, she headed outside. Caden and Krish would be locking up and Bex had headed off early to take one of her children to the dentist. So Rowan planned to wait in the playground with the rest of the parents, until the children were let out of class.
One of the first people she spotted was Nathan and even though common sense told her to steer clear, if she was speaking to him she’d be less likely to be collared by one of the other parents for the kind of conversation that would ruin her chances of getting away on time.
‘Hey.’ She’d gone for a simple greeting, but she sounded like someone desperately trying to sound cool and failing miserably.
‘Hi.’ Nathan smiled and she tried not to let it affect her, but she liked the fact that just seeing her made him smile. ‘How has your first week in charge been?’
‘Good.’ She didn’t want to say any more than that, not with so many people already craning their necks to try and hear the conversation.
‘I’m glad. I think the whole village realises we’re lucky to have you, so it’s good to know you’re not about to go running for the hills.’
‘Definitely not.’ She returned his smile, trying not to acknowledge how much his compliment meant to her. ‘How about you? How has your week been? How did Leo’s appointment go?’
‘It’s been a busy one. Will and I are trying to get through as much work as we can before the new baby comes. And Leo’s appointment went as well as these things ever can.’ Nathan tried for a casual shrug but didn’t quite pull it off. Before she could respond, Bella was suddenly tugging on her sleeve.
‘Mum, Mum, can I go shopping in Truro tomorrow with Tiff? Her mum said she’ll pick me up at eleven and I can have a sleepover. Then she’ll drop me home on Sunday afternoon.’
‘I don’t see why not. That sounds lovely and it’s very kind of Tiffany’s mum.’ Rowan didn’t allow her smile to slip off her face, despite feeling a bit bereft that her daughter would be elsewhere for most of the weekend, because she was thrilled that Bella already seemed to have found such a good friend. Rowan’s mother knew Tiffany’s parents well, and they were both doctors at the local GP practice, so she felt confident about agreeing to the sleepover, even if it meant giving up her precious time off with her daughter.
‘Woo hoo, thanks Mum. I’m going to go and tell Tiff that you said it’s okay.’ Bella shot off again, just as Theo and Leo emerged from the classroom, chatting away. Her son looked like a completely different boy from the one who’d tried to hide amongst the trees the day before. The two of them appeared to be in no hurry whatsoever to reach Rowan and Nathan, and they’d stopped altogether now for Theo to show his friend something in the book he was holding. Rowan turned to look at Nathan.
‘Do you think Heather and Will would agree to Leo coming over to ours for a few hours tomorrow? I know Theo would love it and he won’t feel so much like he’s missing out when Bella goes off with Tiffany.’
‘I’m on uncle duty for the weekend, while they spend a night at a hotel down in Looe. Mum’s got longstanding plans with her friends and it’s their last hurrah before the baby arrives.’ Nathan smiled. ‘Although I think they both just want to flake out and sleep while they’ve got the chance.’
‘That’s lovely and no worries, maybe some other time.’ She was already trying to think of things she and Theo could do that would make up for the fact that his sister was off having fun with a friend, while he was stuck at home with his boring old mum.
‘I could still drop Leo over if you like, but he might get a bit shy about things if he needs the toilet or anything. He can be a bit like that until he really trusts someone.’ She knew Nathan wasn’t just making an excuse to tag along, because she’d reviewed Leo’s EHCP, the plan to manage his care while he was at school.
‘If you don’t mind coming with him, you’d be more than welcome.’ She was throwing all caution to the wind now, still telling herself it was just for Theo, even if the thought of sharing the day with Nathan held more appeal for her than she wanted to admit.
‘I’d love to, or we could always have that planned trip out on the boat. The weather looks great.’ He cast a look over his shoulder, clearly every bit as aware as she was that they were being watched. ‘That’s if you don’t mind the risk of being seen out with me in public, on our own.’
‘Of course I don’t, and we won’t be on our own anyway.’ She’d added the last part as much to remind herself of the fact as anything else, but a look passed across his face that was impossible to read.
‘Great. If Bella is being picked up at eleven, how about we meet outside Mehenick’s at half past? My boat is moored in the harbour and I can pick up a few bits from there for lunch and we can have a bit of a picnic.’
‘That sounds lovely. What can we bring?’
‘Just yourselves.’ The look that had clouded Nathan’s face lifted as the children finally reached them. ‘How do you two fancy a day out on my boat together tomorrow?’
‘Yay!’ Leo beamed at his uncle.
‘Really?’ Theo turned towards his mother. ‘Can Ireallygo?’
‘Of course you can, but I’m afraid I’m going to be coming with you.’ Rowan’s tone was teasing, but for a moment she couldn’t work out whether her son was genuinely disappointed. Then his face broke into a smile too.
‘That’s okay, as long as we get to go on the boat.’ His face transformed again, but this time into an anxious frown and she knew what was coming next even before he spoke. ‘What about Bella? We can’t leave her at home by herself.’
‘Of course we wouldn’t leave Bella on her own, but she’s having a sleepover at Tiffany’s. So it’ll just be the four of us.’
