Page 26 of Letting Go of Yesterday
‘Cheers.’ Bex tried to clunk her plastic glass against Toni’s but it didn’t have quite the desired effect. ‘Do you think we should feel like we’ve let womankind down for not entering the race ourselves?’
‘Nope.’ Toni’s response was emphatic. ‘There’s plenty of women running and they need someone to cheer them on. I for one intend to be sitting here doing that until the very last person crosses the line. A decision that has nothing to do with the fact that my parents and the rest of the volunteers are running what amounts to a free kids’ club.’
Toni’s voice was deadpan, but the twitch of her lips gave her away. She was enjoying a couple of hours of down time and, with a job like hers, no one could say it wasn’t well deserved, which was why Rowan felt guilty that Anna wasn’t with them. ‘Do you think I should offer again to go and help out at the barbecue for a bit, to give some of the volunteers a break?’
‘Absolutely not.’ Toni’s response was just as definite as before. ‘Anna and Brae have provided all the food, and roped in Ella and Dan to help them. We’ve all offered our services too, but Anna told me to enjoy the break and, seeing as she’s my boss, I’m not going to argue!’
Toni held her plastic glass in the air, raising another toast, and Rowan let her shoulders relax. It felt so odd doing nothing, but Toni was right, they’d been told to enjoy watching the race and that everything was under control. Rowan’s parents and stepparents were part of the team of volunteers supervising the kids on the inflatable course too and there really was nothing she could do to contribute. It was strange, after playing such a central role for every event at Membory Grange, not to feel like sheshouldbe doing something. She’d never found relaxing easy, it gave her far too much time to think, which was something she’d tried to avoid doing too much of since her marriage had imploded. The only way she’d coped with everything that had happened was to focus on solutions, rather than feelings.
Problem:James had cheated on her and fallen in love with someone else, making living and working together unbearable.
Solution:Find a new job over a hundred miles away and make a fresh start.
Except she still hadn’t really worked through how she felt about it. She’d been the same with responding to her soon-to-be ex-husband’s messages about wanting to see the kids.
Problem:James was struggling and missing the children. They wanted to see him too, but it was too soon to go back to Membory Grange, especially for Theo. The children were just starting to settle in Port Agnes and she couldn’t allow that to be disrupted.
Solution:Arrange an Airbnb for James to rent over half term, so that he could see the children and they could stay with him if they wanted to.
Everything was in place for his visit but she hadn’t worked through how she felt about him coming to Port Agnes, somewhere that up until now she wasn’t known as the chaplain’s estranged wife. All she was doing was finding solutions and pushing the feelings back down inside.
‘Okay, so we’ve been ordered to take it easy. I can live with that.’ Bex plinked her plastic glass against Toni’s again. ‘But I am at least going to get up off this chair and watch the presentation of the winner’s cup. Leo’s grandma is giving a speech with one of the other fundraisers about what the funds will be used for so it should be well worth a listen.’
‘I’ve got a feeling it might be emotional.’ Rowan swallowed hard. She’d already cried watching Theo and Leo complete the kids’ race together, but she had no idea that it was about to happen again, long before Irene made her speech.
‘Talking of emotional, here come the Lark boys now.’ Bex stood up, followed by Toni, as some of the other spectators started to cheer. Rowan got to her feet too and leant forward to see the two brothers closing in on the home straight. Will had a look of pure agony on his face and Nathan was virtually holding him up. They were both wearing T-shirts emblazoned with a picture of Leo’s face and, as they got closer, she could hear Nathan calling out encouragement to his brother.
‘Come on, Will, we’re nearly there. You can do this, it’s for Leo and he’s waiting to give his dad a medal. He’s going to be so proud of you, just picture his face. Only another 130 metres and we’ll be there.’
Will grimaced and nodded, gritting his teeth, the pain with every step etched on his face as the two brothers moved past where Rowan and her friends were standing. They were close enough for her to see the muscles in Nathan’s arm pulsating as he supported his brother’s weight. His T-shirt was damp with sweat and clinging to his body, somehow making him even more attractive. He wasn’t just a good man, although that much was obvious despite his past, he was beautiful too and that combination was making it almost impossible for Rowan to keep her feelings for him in check.
There were other people chanting Will’s name now and telling him he could do it, but it was Nathan’s name that Rowan was repeating under her breath, willing him to do whatever it took to help his brother to the finish line. Almost as if drawn magnetically, she found herself moving along the line of spectators in parallel to Nathan and Will. There were other people moving towards the finish line too and by now Nathan was almost carrying Will, whose feet were barely grazing the ground.
Theo and Leo were already in position, holding out their medals, a heavily pregnant Heather cradling her bump beside them.
‘Come on, Dad, you’re nearly there!’ Leo echoed his uncle’s words of encouragement and Heather was calling out Will’s name too and telling him how much she loved him. Rowan wanted to shout out to Nathan, to let him know that she could see what he was doing and how brilliant she thought he was, but that would have brought attention to them and that was the last thing they needed. She just wanted one person in the crowd to will Nathan on and to let him know he had support too. She was sure it was there, not everyone judged him on one mistake, otherwise there wouldn’t have been so many people at the event in the first place, but she still desperately wanted someone to recognise what he was doing, right here in this moment, and let him know how amazing that was. Then suddenly, there was a voice shouting Nathan’s name.
‘Come on, Nathan, I’ve got your medal! Nathan, Nathan, Nathan!’ It was Theo, jumping up and down, chanting and waving the promised medal in the air. A bubble of emotion caught in Rowan’s throat as she watched her son’s excited response; he was so happy and it was obvious he’d made a connection to someone new, something he’d struggled to do for so long. It was crazy to feel as if she might burst into tears, but the moment had caught her completely off guard. She knew Theo had taken a shine to Leo’s uncle during the time they’d spent together and that it had been Nathan’s gentle encouragement that had persuaded him to keep going when he’d wanted to give up when they’d tried surfing. James would never have done that. He’d have told Theo that he obviously wasn’t cut out for surfing and that they shouldn’t waste any more time on it, given that Theo had never found any sport he was good at. James had been a star athlete in his own school years, excelling as a gymnast, and it had been a constant source of disappointment to him that Theo had never taken to any of the activities he’d been introduced to. Now she could see it was because he hadn’t been encouraged to persevere. James’s time had been too important to him to ‘waste’ on activities he didn’t think would pay off. There’d always been other people who needed his help or charities he had to support. Although now she wasn’t so sure that his motives to be out of the house so often had been all they seemed. Rowan wasn’t blameless. She’d allowed herself to become wrapped up in work and not make enough time to prioritise her own children. Bella was a confident girl, to whom things came easily, but the choices Rowan and James had made had clearly affected their gentle, sensitive son far more. The job at Port Agnes Primary was challenging in its own way, but for the first time, she was able to prioritise spending time with her children and, despite some of the difficulties Theo had experienced settling in, she could see in her little boy’s face that it was already paying off.
As the Lark brothers finally crossed the finish line, Will found the strength to stand on his own two feet and wrap his arms around his wife and son, as Leo tried to hang the medal around his father’s neck. She’d expected Theo to place the medal around Nathan’s neck in the same kind of sedate style as an official at the Olympic games, but instead he took a flying leap, flinging himself into Nathan’s arms and hugging him so hard it made tears fill her eyes. This man, who’d come into their lives less than two months ago, already meant so much to Theo and she couldn’t bear to think what another loss might do to him. She and Nathan hadn’t even been on a date by themselves yet, but the stakes suddenly felt much higher and she had to tread very carefully. She couldn’t risk anything jeopardising their friendship, when it clearly meant even more to her son than it did to her. It didn’t matter how good it felt having someone in her life who was as attracted to her as she was to him. She wasn’t going to do anything that would threaten Theo’s fragile and new found happiness. She was never going to allow her children to slip down her list of priorities again.
14
As more of the runners continued to cross the finish line, two food trucks arrived and parked on the side of the harbour, with a sign on an A-board between them announcing that fifty percent of all profits from the sale of food would be going to the MND charity, which was just as well as Mehenick’s had almost sold out. There was music playing over a sound system and the event had almost turned into a mini-festival.
The two boys had continued to hand out medals until Heather, Will and Leo were called over to talk to a journalist from a local television crew. Rowan had watched as they’d called Irene and Nathan over to be part of the interview, too. Irene had happily complied with the request, but Nathan had shaken his head and gone back to collecting empty water bottles dropped by some of the runners. She wondered if it was a conscious decision to stay out of the spotlight, or because as the organiser of the event he felt the need to muck in with the volunteers. Either way, it was clear that all that mattered to him was maximising revenue from the event.
When Rowan, Bex and Toni had gone to check how the children were getting on, Bella had been tucking into a burger, announcing happily that it was her second one. Apparently she’d earned it because she’d been round the inflatable course three times. She seemed delighted to be in the company of Tiffany and some of their other friends and Rowan had taken it as yet more evidence of how well her daughter had settled in to life in Port Agnes. But when Bex had suggested that she, Rowan and Toni have a go at completing the obstacle course, Bella had begged her mother not to be embarrassing. Not wanting to spoil her daughter’s day, Rowan had left the other two to it and had headed back to see how Theo was doing. She felt a surge of pride, watching him congratulating the final few runners, still beaming every time he handed out a medal. Leo was back with him and she smiled at the sight of her little boy and his best friend, a feeling of contentment washing over her. Theo had never had a best friend, and the realisation that he’d found something as special and life-affirming gladdened her heart.
‘Your son has been a little superstar.’ Rowan hadn’t realised that Nathan was standing behind her and she wanted to blame surprise for the quickening of her heart, but that would have been a lie.
‘He loves Leo and he’s a pretty big fan of yours too.’
‘The feeling’s mutual; he’s a great kid and it’s not hard to see where he gets that from.’ Nathan had a way of looking at her that she wasn’t sure she’d ever experienced before, almost like he was seeing her on a different level to the way the rest of the world did.
‘I think you’re the one who should be having praise heaped on you today. The whole event has been incredible.’
‘I’m just a small part of that and we’ve been really lucky with the weather.’ Nathan shrugged like it was nothing, but she couldn’t let it go.
