Page 17 of Letting Go of Yesterday
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Nathan looked at his watch; he’d have to stop work soon. He had forty minutes before they were due to leave for Katrina and Dean’s barbecue and he needed a shower first, having spent all morning laying solid oak flooring in one of the bedrooms of the byre. He’d worked hard to restore the original cobblestone flooring in the open-plan living area, but he wanted something different in the bedrooms, a surface that felt warmer, but that would still accommodate Leo’s wheelchair if his nephew wanted to have a sleepover. One of the first things he’d done when he’d considered keeping the cobblestones was to make sure that Leo’s wheelchair could handle the surface. Prioritising his nephew’s needs was barely even a conscious thing any more; it had become automatic.
‘How’s it going?’ Will suddenly appeared in the door of the bedroom, his dark hair wet and sticking to his head.
‘I’ve made pretty good progress and I’ve only taken the skin off about five of my knuckles.’ Nathan held up a hand as proof.
‘Sounds like a productive day. I’m sorry I didn’t get over in time to help. Heather had promised Leo a swim, but she had a rough night and she barely got any sleep. Her indigestion is so bad she’s considering a Gaviscon-only diet.’ Will grinned. ‘She wouldn’t have made it to the barbecue if she didn’t have a nap today, so I was on pool duty.’
‘It’s no problem at all; I’m really glad he’s liking the pool so much and it looks like you’ve only just managed to drag him out.’
‘He’d still be in there if it was up to him. The only way I persuaded him out in the end was by telling him that we’re meeting up with Theo.’ Will ran a hand through his damp hair. ‘But I still feel guilty that I left you here slogging away, when the only reason you haven’t spent any money getting help with this place is because you keep spending it on Leo.’
‘I told you before that the pool was going for such a ridiculously low price that it would have been a waste of money not to buy it, and we can all use it, including Mum. It hasn’t held up any of the work on this place, I promise.’ Nathan looked down at the floor so that his brother wouldn’t be able to tell that he was lying. The resistance pool was perfect for Leo; it enabled him to exercise in a way that would hopefully slow the muscle loss resulting from his condition. It might not have been the incredible bargain Nathan made it out to be, but it was heavily discounted and he was happy to take on all the extra work he could get, and live with a makeshift kitchen for another six months, if it helped Leo. He’d made far bigger sacrifices for the people he loved in the past and he’d never once resented the choices he’d made, but this one really had been an easy decision. The look on Leo’s face the first time he’d tried the pool had been enough to convince Nathan that it had been the right one, too, and that was all the thanks he’d ever need.
‘You do know you’re the best big brother I could ever have asked for, don’t you?’ Will’s words caught in his throat and his eyes were glassy when Nathan looked up at him.
‘You didn’t used to think that when I was giving you wedgies, or telling everyone at school about the time you used Mum’s foundation to cover your spots.’
‘True, but a hell of a lot has changed since then and I could never repay everything you’ve done for me.’
‘We’re brothers, so there’s nothing to repay. I did it for myself as much as you anyway. I couldn’t have lived with the alternative and what’s six months in the big scheme of things?’
‘It’s not the time, it’s the impact it’s had on you… I hate how it affects the way other people think about you. I still think that maybe we?—’
‘No!’ Nathan’s response was forceful, cutting Will off before he could finish. ‘It’s water under the bridge now and, I promise you, I don’t even think about it these days. If other people have a problem with it, that’s on them.’
‘I just hate the idea that it might stop you meeting someone. If it hadn’t happened, you’d be married with kids of your own by now.’
‘Yeah, I might not have been divorced by now, but let’s face it, that did me a big favour. Nicole turned out not to be the person I thought she was and I’m glad we didn’t have children together. If I meet the right person, the fact that I spent six months in prison won’t be a problem for them, so stop worrying. It’s a complete non-issue.’ Nathan looked down at the floor again, as he told another lie. He knew there was a chance that his chequered past was a barrier to him forming a lasting relationship with the kind of person he wanted to build a life with. He tried to blink away the image of Rowan that had popped, uninvited, into his mind. She definitely wouldn’t be interested in someone who’d spent time in prison.
‘It just doesn’t seem fair, when it would be so different if people knew the whole story.’
‘It would cause far more problems than it would solve, so let’s just leave it in the past where it belongs. I need to get in the shower now anyway, otherwise the guests at the barbecue will have more to talk about than my criminal record. Being known as a bad boy is one thing, but being remembered for smelling like I’ve forgotten how to shower is quite another.’
‘I suppose there are plenty of women who can see the appeal of a bad boy.’ Will laughed, the idea clearly amusing him. ‘You just better not let any of them find out what a teddy bear you secretly are.’
‘You’re never too old for a wedgie you know.’ Nathan took off one of his work gloves and flung it in Will’s direction, still trying to erase the picture of Rowan from his mind and the absolute certainty that she wasn’t the kind of woman who’d ever be attracted to a bad boy. She shouldn’t even have entered his head, but it was happening more and more lately, and there didn’t seem to be anything he could do to stop it.
* * *
There were more than forty people at the barbecue and the recent dry weather meant that Katrina and Dean’s garden was fully accessible to Leo. Nathan couldn’t help smiling as his nephew got a guided tour of the garden from Theo, who had scooped up his grandparents’ French Bulldog, Bluey, and had placed him on Leo’s lap. It was a moment that had clearly been love at first sight and the little dog looked in his element, as Leo whizzed around the garden behind his new friend.
‘I think you’re going to have to get a dog.’ Nathan turned towards his brother and sister-in-law, as the three of them sat around one of the bistro tables that had been set out on the lawn. His mother Irene was on the other side of the garden chatting to some friends from her dance class, with a plate of food in her hand after they’d all been encouraged by Katrina to pile their plates high. Heather had already given up on her Gaviscon-only diet and was taking her life in her hands by tucking into a jumbo sausage in a bun.
‘I’ve been saying that for ages.’ Will took the opportunity of his wife having her mouth full of food to present his case. ‘But I reckon this puts the seal on the deal.’
‘I told you.’ Heather held up a hand until she’d swallowed the rest of her mouthful. ‘Once this little one is here we can think about it, and I meanthink. I don’t want to come home from hospital to find out we’ve got a dog.’
‘Fair enough.’ Will squeezed her leg. ‘Although Nath could always get the uncle of the year award again in the meantime and get himself another dog.’
‘I could, I have been thinking about it, but…’ Nathan couldn’t finish the sentence and he didn’t have to, the look on his brother’s face told him that he understood. Chester, Nathan’s Jack Russell, had been his shadow for years, even going with him to building jobs wherever possible. Chester had been twelve when Nathan had started his prison sentence, and he’d died six weeks later. It had been kidney failure and it would have happened eventually regardless of whether Nathan had been at home, but the little dog had seemed to be doing okay. Then Nathan had gone and, according to Irene, Chester had just seemed to give up. The guilt of not being there had eaten away at Nathan and he hadn’t been able to face getting another dog. He couldn’t say that, though, or even hint at it, because he knew how much the truth would upset Will, and not just because he and Heather had been caring for Chester when he’d died. So he had to give his brother another reason.
‘It’s hard when you’ve loved a dog like I loved Chester. I’m not sure anyone could live up to him, or fit into my lifestyle the way he did. But maybe if you guys take the plunge, I will too, and we can leave the dogs together when I’m out at work. I’ll feel less guilty that way.’
‘And there I was thinking that Leo was the master of persuasion!’ Heather shook her head, but she was smiling. ‘A dog would be lovely and maybe by this time next year we’ll both have one. What sort do you think you’ll get?’
‘Not another Jack Russell, it’s got to be something really different to Chester.’ Glancing across to Leo, Nathan could see his nephew still chatting animatedly with Theo, but Rowan had joined the boys too and he rose to his feet. ‘In fact, I might take this opportunity to discover what it is about Bluey that Leo likes so much. Who knows, maybe there’ll be a French Bulldog in my future.’
