Page 18 of Letting Go of Yesterday
‘I can’t see you with a dog like that.’ Heather furrowed her brow, and Will nudged her gently.
‘Don’t spoil it for him, he’s just trying to come up with an excuse to go and chat to our new headteacher. He’s had the hots for her since we were teenagers.’
‘Oh in that case, ignore what I’ve just said.’ Heather mimed zipping her lips shut and pretending to throw the key over her shoulder.
‘You two are like a pair of kids and Rowan is not the reason I’m going over there.’ Nathan shook his head, turning away before either of them spotted the lie that he was almost certain would be written on his face. He was having to do a hell of a lot of that lately.
‘Just ask her out already!’ He pretended not to hear Will’s parting words as he headed across the garden, smiling instead at the look of joy on Leo’s face as he approached.
‘Uncle Nathan! Look how much Bluey likes sitting on my lap; he’s fallen asleep and he keeps snoring.’
‘He’s beautiful, isn’t he?’ Nathan stroked the dog’s head. ‘I was just saying to your mum and dad that maybe it’s about time I got myself another dog.’
‘Really?’ Leo widened his eyes. ‘Did you hear that, Theo? We might be getting a dog.’
‘Brilliant.’ Theo mirrored his friend’s grin. ‘I really want a dog too, but Mum says we need to wait until we’ve got a new house. Nanny Kat says I can share Bluey until then. She’s got some chickens too, do you want to see them?’
‘Course!’ Leo didn’t hesitate and the boys headed off towards the furthest end of the garden without a backward glance.
‘It looks like we’ve been dumped.’ Nathan smiled and Rowan shrugged in response.
‘It’s not the first time it’s happened to me.’ A cloud seemed to pass over her face for a moment, but then she shook it off. ‘That’s kids for you, though.’
‘Yes, but it’s lovely to see them getting on so well. Leo hasn’t always found it easy to make friends. There are things he can’t do and not all kids seem to understand that. You’ve clearly done a great job with Theo.’
‘He’s a good kid, so is Bella, but things haven’t been easy for them lately.’ Suddenly that clouded look was back, and he wanted to say something to help, but he had no idea what. He didn’t want to push her to talk about anything she wasn’t comfortable with either. He knew exactly how that felt and he was very careful who he opened up to about his own past. There were plenty of people who enjoyed revelling in the drama of it all, when the only thing Nathan wanted was to put it behind him. So the last thing he’d ever do was to put Rowan in a situation where she felt she had to tell him more than she wanted to.
‘I don’t suppose it was easy for any of you, but they’ll be fine, because they’ve got you and both sets of your parents. Whatever went on with their dad, and I’m not asking for the details, you’ve got some great examples of how to move forward.’ Nathan looked over towards where Rowan’s dad and his wife were happily chatting to Dean and Katrina, their glasses chinking together as they raised a toast.
‘It wasn’t always that way and you probably remember all the drama of when Mum and Dad split up, it was all anyone seemed to be talking about back then.’ Rowan paused and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘But you’re right. They’re really good role models these days and I hope that James and I can reach that stage much more quickly than they did. I just need to put a bit more of the hurt behind me first.’
‘I’m sorry you’ve had to go through such a tough time.’ The desire to reach out to her was almost overpowering, but the last thing he wanted to do was to come across as sleazy.
‘We all have tough times, don’t we?’ She hesitated again for a moment, seeming to weigh up what it was she wanted to say next, and then she took a deep breath. ‘It must have been hard for you too when everything… with all you’ve been through.’
It was obvious she was skirting around the issue of his time in prison, and it felt like the elephant in the room every time they spoke, so they might as well get it out of the way.
‘I’ve had some tough times. I wouldn’t recommend a six-month stay in one of His Majesty’s less appealing properties, but it was nothing compared to when Leo got his diagnosis and they outlined the likely progression of his disease.’ Nathan swallowed hard, but still didn’t quite manage to dislodge the lump in his throat. That day had felt like it might kill him. He’d held his brother in his arms as Will had sobbed, the man who usually seemed the epitome of strength reduced to a helpless child again for all the power he had to change the situation. Nathan had been devastated too and filled with rage. How could it be possible that a sweet boy like Leo could be facing such a prognosis? It had shattered the hearts of everyone who loved him, but Leo had saved them all when they’d felt like giving up. He just seemed to deal with every setback; even when he’d had the accident that had piled more worry and pain on top of the original diagnosis, he’d just got on with it and looked for the positives. From time to time it hit him, like when he couldn’t join in with the things that his friends did, but he never allowed the disappointment to linger for long. He was like sunshine in human form and he was the best person Nathan had ever known. ‘He’s shown me every day since then what it is to be resilient and whenever things get tough, I just think about him and the fact he has no choice but to face up to the challenges life throws at him every single day.’
‘He’s an amazing little boy and he clearly adores you.’ Rowan’s eyes met his for a moment and he felt it again, that undeniable attraction fizzing between them. A huge part of him wanted to take a leap of faith and act on his brother’s advice. After all, what harm could there be in asking her out? The worst she could do was say no. But then he thought about the boys and how well their friendship was developing, and he didn’t want to do anything that might derail that. He took on almost as much responsibility for picking Leo up from school as Will and Heather, especially at the moment, which would make things so awkward if Rowan turned him down. And she would turn him down, she had to. She was the headteacher of the village primary school and he was someone almost everyone in Port Agnes knew had been to prison. She’d probably have turned him down even if that hadn’t been the case. She had two children and a well-respected career and he was a builder, who lived in an unfinished conversion of a former cow shed, in the garden of the house he’d grown up in. Apart from his stint in prison, he’d lived in Port Agnes his whole life. So he’d never have been enough for a woman like Rowan. He needed to stop wishing for something that was never going to happen and focus on Leo instead, the way he always had done.
‘I feel so lucky to be his uncle and I can’t wait to have a niece too. They change everything kids, don’t they? I might not be his dad, but I’d do anything for Leo, and it’s obvious you feel the same about Bella and Theo.’
‘Definitely and I owe them so much. They’ve saved me these last few months.’ There was a wistful tone to her voice, and for a moment she didn’t even seem to be there, as if her words had taken her away to another place and time.
‘You’re a team, that’s what a family is supposed to be, isn’t it?’ Nathan waited for her to respond, and she seemed to shake off whatever feeling it was that had washed over her.
‘Definitely, but let’s just say that one of our family turned out not to be a team player. We came back to Cornwall because…’ Rowan hesitated again and then she shook her head. ‘We came back because we all needed a new start. I just hope I did the right thing bringing the children to Port Agnes.’
‘I’m sure you did, but if you’re ever worried and want someone to—’ Nathan had been about to tell her that if she ever wanted someone to talk to, he’d be more than happy to listen, but his words were cut off by Katrina calling her name.
‘Rowan! Can you come and help me bring the desserts out please, sweetheart?’
‘I better go and give Mum a hand, but I’ll see you later and we’ll have to set a date for going out on the boat, if the offer’s still open? I know Theo would love it.’
‘Of course the offer’s still open, just let me know when.’
‘Will do, see you later.’ Rowan gave a brief raise of her hand before heading towards the house.
