Page 95 of My Heart's Doctor
“You see he doesn't love me. If he did, I think he wouldn't care that I couldn't give him children. But he's looking for a family where he can give siblings to Aurora, and I think he's right, and it's what they both deserve.”
“And you?”
“Me what?” I asked, not understanding what he was getting at.
“How are you?” he asked, putting his beer bottle on the floor and taking my hands in his.
“I can endure these invisible blows to the body, blows that go straight to the heart and soul. I'm not going to waste my time looking for a solution to something that doesn't have one, I'm clear about that, my friend. Surely, for him I was just an adventure, but for me, it meant everything. But I've already cried for what's over, it's done. Tomorrow will be another day, and we'll face it with our heads held high.”
Orson looked at me for several seconds in silence. He was the one who broke it.
“Do you have more days off?”
“Yes, several more days. I was thinking of...”
“Let's go on a trip. Where would you like to go?”
I looked at him, surprised.
“Are you on leave?”
“I can take a few days off. In fact, I've been urgently needing them for some time now. Where shall we go?” he insisted.
“We don't need to travel. If you want, we can go to my apartment in Punta del Este. We could go to the beach and rest.”
“Perfect. We'll leave tomorrow,” he stated, and I looked at him and nodded. “Let's go to bed so we can get up early tomorrow and leave right away.”
“I need to pick up some clothes.”
“We'll do that tomorrow before we leave. Let's go to sleep, beautiful,” he said, standing up and stretching out his hand for me to take.
We walked arm in arm to the bedrooms. I had stayed there several times before and always used the room next to Orson's bedroom.
“Let me know if you need anything,” he said, giving me a tight hug.
“I'm going to take a shower. Can you lend me a T-shirt to sleep in?” I asked.
“Yes, of course. Get in the shower and I'll leave it on the bed. I'm going to bed because I'm exhausted.”
“Good night, handsome. Thanks for everything.” And this time it was me who wrapped my arms around him to give him a tight hug.
“Stop thanking me. What wouldn't I do for you, beautiful?” he said, giving me a kiss on the head.
“Don't say those things because I'll start crying again.”
“Go take your shower,” he said, pushing me to enter the bedroom.
After a long, restorative shower, I got into bed. It took me a while to fall asleep. I was thinking not only about William butalso about Aurora. I wouldn't see them again. I hoped not to cause emotional suffering to the little one, although I knew she would probably miss me a bit. I trusted that her father would help her cope by giving her security and letting her express her emotions. Even the most difficult emotions weren't eternal, so she would end up forgetting me, just like her father would. Thinking about that made me feel a sharp stab in my chest, but it was my reality and I had to accept it. After tossing and turning in bed, though considerably less than my mind was turning, sleep finally overcame me.
Chapter 17
“It is when separating that one feels and understands the strength with which one loves.”
—Fyodor Dostoevsky
William
Iheard when the front door of the house opened and closed. I could also hear the engine of Devon’s car starting and driving away. I don’t know what was happening to me, but I couldn’t move, I was still sitting on my bed staring at nothing. The news she had given me had astonished me greatly and had caused a tremendous impact. I was still processing it. Devon couldn’t be a mother and for that reason she didn’t aspire to form a family.
