Page 136 of My Heart's Doctor
I looked at her with concern because at that moment I understood that she was really troubled about something, but it was best not to pressure her and wait for her to tell me about it, even if that made me uneasy.
“We can still enjoy ourselves at home,” I proposed, looking at her with a smile that I hoped would indicate my intentions, which she obviously understood.
“I have no doubts about that, but I also like the idea of going out to have fun.”
“Very well, let’s go have fun.”
I decided to go to a bar located on the rooftop of an elegant and important hotel in Montevideo. Its panoramic views were spectacular and the night was ideal to be there. While we enjoyed the place and waited for our chosen drinks, I remembered that Xavier had mentioned to me that he was going to spend Christmas alone. Xavier was a great friend to me and, when he told me, the first thing I thought was that I wasn’t going to let him spend it alone, but I wanted to consult with Devon first.
“I was thinking of asking Xavier to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas with us, but only if you agree. His family lives in the United States and this year he told me he has no intention of traveling. Would you mind if I invited him?”
“Not at all, but first ask him if he doesn’t mind spending it with us. There’s a cultural mandate that says you have to spend these holidays with people around, but perhaps he wants to spend it alone,” she commented, with her usual good sense.
“I don’t think so, but I’ll ask him.”
“If you think the solitude isn’t self-imposed, then don’t let him spend it alone, these holidays stir up many memories. Sometimes Christmas isn’t easy, we tend to remember much more the people who are no longer with us. I don’t know if that’s Xavier’s case, but it’s always better to spend it in company.”
The sadness with which she said it made me feel as if an invisible hand was squeezing my heart with grief. It was obviousthat she had spent many Christmases alone and remembering a loved one, probably her father who seemed to be the only one with whom she had had a family relationship, a father-daughter relationship, the only one who had loved and protected her.
“I’ll ask him if he has any plans and, if he doesn’t, I’ll tell him to spend Christmas with us. I’ll tell you in advance that Xavier doesn’t have much Christmas spirit, but he’ll surely make the effort for Aurora and for you. Besides, he’s very fond of you,” I said, although this last part reminded me of the risqué comments about Devon that drove me up the wall, and I couldn’t help showing a bit of annoyance.
“Well, I think he’s a cheerful and nice person,” she said.
They left our drinks on the table and I proposed a toast, raising my glass.
“To us and our family,” I said, happily.
“To us and our family,” Devon repeated.
After taking a sip, I put the glass on the table and asked what I suspected.
“Have you ever spent Christmas alone?”
“On some occasions,” she replied, without delving into the subject, and I assumed that talking about it made her uncomfortable or sad, or caused both emotions in equal parts.
“While you were married?” I insisted, because I needed to know if the imbecile of her ex had left her alone, which I didn’t doubt.
“No, during the years I was married I spent it with Lino, and after I separated I always spent it with my great friends, with Sylvia or with Orson. I spent it alone when my father died because my mother and my sister made plans to spend it with some relative, but they didn’t include me.”
Imagining her alone because of those damn women made me furious.
“You’ve told me about them before, and just knowing what they did to you makes them insufferable to me. I don’t want them anywhere near us. Are you planning to invite them to our wedding?” I asked, because I didn’t want to face them—I didn’t know what I might be capable of.
“I was thinking of letting them know, but don’t worry because they won’t come. I never mattered to them. I never understood why my mother hates me so much. I tried everything to earn her affection and make her proud, but I never succeeded. My mind filled with questions of why, but there were no answers. Perhaps her affection has a limited quota, and she gave it all to my sister, focusing her love and recognition on just one daughter,” she commented, shrugging her shoulders, and seeing her so sad and vulnerable killed me. I wanted to protect her, wanted her to be happy. I wasn’t going to let that wretched woman keep ruining her life.
“She can go to hell! I don’t want to see her anywhere near you or my daughter. We’ll pretend that woman and your sister don’t exist. You don’t need anything from them,” I stated furiously. If my wife didn’t exist for them, then they didn’t exist for us either.
“They’re still my mother and sister,” she affirmed, with the politeness and kindness she always carried herself with, but they didn’t deserve even that.
“Being a father or mother isn’t just about conceiving a child; it’s much more than that. It’s unconditional love. A mother isn’t just the one who gives birth—look at yourself, with your capacity for love and devotion, with the purity of your love and the great love your heart holds for caring for children. You are Aurora’s mother, not the woman who gave birth to her, just as your mother isn’t truly yours despite having conceived you, becauseshe didn’t provide the love or care that a mother should give her children,” I stated firmly, because I wanted her to know that I would always protect her.
“Thank you,” she said, not hiding the emotion that overwhelmed her.
“Thank you for being part of our lives.”
I saw her leave her chair and come toward me. I couldn’t help myself—I took her hand and pulled her onto my lap. I didn’t care about where we were or anything around us. I hugged her tightly, trying to show her all my love and protection.
“Let’s go home,” I suggested, because I wanted to be alone with her, wanted her all to myself.
