Page 40 of Electric Blue Love
“It’s not sad, it’s beautiful,” I said with not enough gumption because itwassad.
“Oh, whatever, B,” Tasha said and turned her attention to Court. “Tell me this isn’t sad.” Phone in hand, she made a show of pressing play and then setting the phone down on the coffee table as Adele’s voice filled the apartment.
With nowhere else to go, I sat back on the couch and pulled my feet underneath me. When I peeked up at Court, he was looking at me – that stupid look of pity stamped all over his face. Tears pricked at the back of my eyes and I didn’t even know why except this song and Court’s face. And God I was pathetic.
As the chorus started, Court grabbed my hand. The familiar heat from where he touched me earlier returned and I inhaled. It felt too intimate and awkward to have him holding my hand like this, but just when I thought I might rather pull away than have his pity, he started singing along.
“And I can’t make you love meeeeeeeeeeee,” he sang off key, voice wavering between octaves. I laughed and grabbed Tasha’s phone.
“Alright, alright, it’s a sappy song,” I said as I paused the music. “What’s your favorite song?” I tossed the phone at Court.
He clutched the phone with a grin. Holding it in one hand, he brought his other up to his chin. “I can never pick a favorite. I listen to songs on repeat until I can hardly stand them and then I move on.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh my God, you can’t even be faithful to a song.”
“Okay, gun to head it’s this song.”
It took Tasha and I a minute to figure out the familiar intro – she recognized it first.
“Glycerineby Bush?” she asked with a laugh.
“Hey, Gavin was big at an important time in my life.”
I smiled because I thought it fit him, but I didn’t say that aloud.
“What about love songs?” Tasha asked.
He thought for another minute and then gave us a warning as the music started. “If you ever tell anyone I like this song, I’ll deny it.”
It was Brett Michaels voice that crooned out and Tasha and I both burst into a fit of giggles asEvery Rose Has a Thornplayed. When I recovered, I started to listen to the lyrics. Really hearing them for the first time. It was a sad song, really – an unrequited love, a man that thinks he’s not good enough.
The expression on Court’s face was open, like the lyrics had transported him and I could almost see the uneasy teenage boy who listened to this song and felt unworthy or unloved. I grabbed his hand, intent on singing like he’d done for me. I broke whatever trip down memory lane he was having and the taunting grin that was all confident man was back. Still, I forced myself to give him something, just as he’d given me. So, I sang – terribly, but as I should have guessed he’d do – he didn’t mock me, but instead he joined me, and we sang –terribly- together as we linked hands. Tasha took turns singing and laughing at us.
The song ended, and I found my face hurting from smiling so much.
Tasha yawned loudly. “I’m going to bed,” she announced. “Will you be back before graduation?” she asked looking to Court.
“I’ll be back in a couple weeks, but I’m not sure how much free time I’ll have.”
“Well, I hope you’ll stop by if you can.”
“I’d like that.”
“Night, B.”
“So, back in a couple weeks, huh?” I asked a moment later. I was nervous now that we were alone again, and everything started to feel too small, too charged. The apartment, the couch, the space between us.
“Yeah, actually I was going to ask you if –” he cleared his throat and suddenly I was excited. I couldn’t explain it, but whatever he was about to ask I already, unequivocally knew I wanted.
“If…”
Bianca looked up at me with big doe eyes. The want and need practically pouring out of her was my undoing.
I cleared my throat as I ran a hand behind my neck. “If I could use your bathroom before I head out?”
Awkward silence hung in the air while my words registered. Slowly she blinked. Once and then twice.
“Yeah, sure. Of course. First door on the left.” Her voice wavered.
