Page 95 of Between Earth and Eternity
“You’re a liar,” I say, trembling. “Why are you doing this to me?”
Vallen looks at me in a way he hasn’t before, a deep longing in his eyes. He reaches out and brushes his thumb over the bruise on my neck, the bruise he put there. His touch soothes and vexes me all at once, because it only confirms what I know to be true.
It was him. My body knows his touch, reacts in a way I can’t control.
“Please, Val,” I plead. “I need the truth. I’m going crazy.” Not an exaggeration.
He swallows and holds my chin, tilting it up ever so slightly, then leans in, lips almost touching mine, the rich aroma of alcohol lingering on his lips and mouth. I can practically taste him, the scent dances on my tongue, but he never closes the gap. He pulls back, and I can feel the tears brimming.
“I can’t,” he says, letting me go.
My bottom lip quakes. “Why?”
He watches me with absolution while I break. There was a time I would have never wanted him to see me like this, broken and unhinged, but things change. Change is the only certainty, sometimes shaped by sheer will, sometimes by chance, and sometimes simply because the universe decides it must be so.
“Why can no one be honest with me? First, my father, then Payson . . . not even my best friend could—” Picturing Elliot’s face aches more than I can bear. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
Vallen’s brow furrows, trying to follow my train of thought.
“Everyone keeps pushing me farther into the darkness of lies, hiding things from me.” Slade quite literally nearly shoved me into darkness. “And now you. You who are—” Something. Nothing. I can’t tell anymore. All I know is that Vallen Mannox is more than I ever imagined, dared to imagine. My imagination has always been a dark place, picturing the worst things to come. Vallen was dangerous, just not in the way that I had thought..
I am not enough. Unworthy of the truth. My father only shared with me what he knew when hehadto. I press my face into my hands, swallowing the weight of it all.
“I want to go home. I just want to go home.” I say it over and over again like a chant, hoping that if I say it enough times, it could magically come true.
Vallen starts to walk toward me, the glass crunching under his shoes, but I flinch away.
“Don’t.”
“Skyler.” His face is a picture of empathy. “I never lied to you. Everything I said was the truth.”
The full truth shouldn’t be a bargain; it shouldn’t be kept from those who need it.
“Even if I believed you, that doesn’t mean you told me everything. That still makes you a liar.” Lies and secrets lurk in every corner of this ship, creeping in closer to swallow me up. “Let’s do each other a favor and pretend like we don’t know one other, that none of this ever happened,” I say.
He searches my face. “Honey, you know I can’t do that.”
I don’t even know how to respond, where to begin. I turn to leave, but Vallen catches my arm roughly, rings digging into my skin. He spins me so we’re facing each other, and before I can catch my breath, he grabs my face in his hands, holding me like I’m something precious, something fleeting. A yearning that can’t be conveyed. He looks . . . vulnerable.
“I know I have no right to ask you, but please believe me: this is real.” He searches my eyes for understanding. “But it’s better. It’s better if you hate me.”
I try to look away, but he holds me in place so I have no choice but to watch every expression of his handsome face.
“Hate me even if it breaks me. Hate me even if I suffer. I don’t care, as long as you are safe.”
I peel his hands away, and he doesn’t protest, even if I wish he would.
Safe. That same word Payson kept promising me. There’s no difference between keeping me safe from the truth and pushingme aside. I want to choose my own risks, even if it costs me safety, maybe even my life. I would rather face the truth, stand before danger with my eyes open, than cower in the dark, blind to what’s coming and ignoring the hard reality.
He wants me to hate him, and I’ve tried. Oh, I have tried.
“There are some things I can’t do either, Vallen.”
And then we don’t see each other for weeks.
All your enemies
Smile when you fall
