Page 6 of This Heart
“Granny,” I sighed. “You’re sixty, that’s not that old.”
“That’s right. And when you reach sixty, you’ll be able to say and do whatever you want as well.”
Laughing, I replied, “Touché.”
Liam
I sat on the back porch and stared ahead. The gardens were overflowing with flowers, and the smell of honeysuckle filled the air. I loved summertime in Moose Village and couldn’t wait for Winnie to experience it just as I had growing up.
Feeling someone tap my shoulder, I looked up to see my best friend, Nathan Banks. We had been best friends in high school, and even when I moved out of Moose Village and moved to New York, we had kept in touch. He had really been there for me over the last two years with Hope’s cancer fight and her death.
“You look like you need this.”
I reached up and took the glass of whiskey. “Thanks.”
“Where is Winnie?” he asked, slipping into the seat next to me.
Letting out a breath, I replied, “Jake, Mary, and Opal took her to The Book Nook for storytime.”
“I’m sure she’ll love that.”
I nodded. “She’ll love seeing Aurora.”
We remained silent for a few moments before I asked, “How are things at The Muddled Moose?”
“Things are great. Everyone is ready for you to come back on a more full-time level.”
After Hope died, I asked a huge favor of Nathan to manage the bar and restaurant that I owned on the rooftop of the historic Moose Village Hotel. It was only going to be until I got all the legal shit out of the way with Hope’s death. I had started to go back in but hardly lasted a whole night before I found myself heading back home and sitting on Winnie’s bed and watching her sleep. Mary of course had been here to watch Winnie for me while I attempted to slowly go back to work. It had become a habit I knew I needed to break. It was way past time for me to get back to work full time, but I just couldn’t seem to make myself do it. Everyone would give me that fucking smile of sympathy and tell me how sorry they were. I was sick of hearing it. No one ever invited us anywhere, and assumed I was buried in this house in a mountain of grief. It was more like a mountain of guilt. Having Hope’s father and sister here hadn’t helped. Every time I looked at them, it felt like another pound of guilt was added onto my shoulders.
“Liam, you’re going to have to go back sooner or later.”
I nodded. “I know. I know I do.” Turning to look at him, I said, “I’m sorry that I put you in this spot.”
“I have the freedom to do this for you and still manage my own job. But I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling a bit tired and I’m not sure I can do this much longer. I’ve been juggling my job and yours for almost four months.”
Closing my eyes, I internally cursed. I was asking so much of everyone around me while I sat here in my guilt. It was June, with beautiful summer weather, and I sat day after day either in my house or on the porch if I wasn’t at The Muddled Moose. The only thing I did make sure of was spending time with Winnie. That meant getting in the car and driving to a park not near our house, so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. We’d had campouts in the backyard and made s’mores. I played with dolls and horses with her. I made sure to give her as much time as I could. But I also relied on Mary to watch her when I did drag my ass to work, or when I went to my office to drink my sorrows away until all hours of the night. Something I had tried to stop doing, but there was an occasional time or two I got shit-faced and passed out on my office couch.
Turning to look at him, I said, “I was planning to come back on Monday. Full time. Just give me this weekend.”
He smiled. “You don’t have to come back full time. The managers you have there are doing a great job and have really stepped up for you.”
“I’ll have to give them all a bonus or a raise. I’ll see which they would prefer.”
“Sounds good.” Clearing his throat, he said, “Mary is heading back to New York City?”
Lifting the glass, I downed the whiskey. “Yeah. She has to, or they will give her position to someone else. I guess I’ll have to see if Opal can watch Winnie when I work.”
“I thought Opal and Jake wanted to travel? Have you thought about a nanny?”
The image of Hope in bed begging me not to let anyone other than family watch Winnie passed through my head. “Hope didn’t want a stranger watching Winnie.”
“You can’t bring her to The Muddled Moose,” Nathan stated.
“I’ll figure something out. I’m able to spend time with her for part of the day before I have to go into work, and well…I’ll figure it out.”
Nathan remained silent for a few moments before clearing his throat softly.
“Just say what you want to say, Nathan.”
