Page 46 of Girl, We Go Together
Cayla
The supermarket felt like the only place I could breathe. No baby cries, no bottles stacked in the sink, and no damn Orionhovering. I could see him trying, but honestly, it was too little too late. Too much damage had been done for me to even appreciate how he would go above and beyond for Oriana. How he was just now going above and beyond for me. His actually being home this much felt smothering. I was glad to be out. Just me, a half-wobbly cart, and a shopping list.
I loved my daughter, God knows I did, but motherhood had me stretched thin. My body ached in ways I wasn’t used to, and the weight I carried before? Pregnancy only added more to it. I pulled at my hoodie, trying to hide the curve of my stomach, even though I knew it was no use. My body was loud, whether I wanted it to be or not.
As I pushed into the cereal aisle, lost in my own thoughts, I heard it.
“Cayla?”
That voice. Smooth, familiar, and unwelcome all at once. I turned, and my stomach knotted. Lamont stood before me, and I had to blink a few times to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me from being sleep-deprived. This couldn’t be the same Lamont, not the one who had me head over heels in high school and college. The one I swore was my forever until I caught him giving that same smile to another girl. The one I’d cried over for months, until my tears ran dry. I could have fucked around and flunked out of school with how he had broken me, but I didn’t.
Now, here he was, looking better than he had any right to. His fade was sharp, and he wore a tailored jacket that brought out his muscular build. His cart was half-full of the kind of groceries men buy when they live alone. One stick of deodorant, a half carton of eggs, a box of cereal, and a half gallon of milk. I wondered how us being in the same supermarket could even be possible, but God works in mysterious ways. He stood frozen ashe stared at me, but then that old grin spread across his face like time hadn’t passed.
“Wow,” he said, eyes sweeping over me, lingering longer than I liked. “It’s been forever. You look… good, Cayla.”
I gave a dry laugh while tugging my hoodie down.
“I look like I just had a baby, Lamont.”
He tilted his head like he was studying me. “Still beautiful. Always were.”
That hit me in a way I didn’t want it to. Because the truth was, I didn’t feel beautiful, not after sleepless nights, and definitely not after watching my body get softer and heavier since Oriana came into the world. And standing here, in front of the man who once broke me with betrayal, I hated that my heart still skipped at his attention. I folded my arms across my breasts and added a little bit of sass to my tone.
“Last time I saw you, you were too busy cheating to notice how beautiful I was. Funny how memory works when it’s convenient.”
His smile weakened, and for a second, guilt flashed across his face. Then, he leaned onto his cart.
“I was young and stupid, Cayla, and honestly, it was the biggest mistake of my life. And seeing you right now…” His gaze softened as he locked eyes with me, “makes me realize some mistakes never stop haunting you.”
I looked away while gripping the cart’s handle tightly. I wasn’t about to let him rewrite history. But, deep down, I hated that part of me still craved to feel seen. Especially when Orion only looked at me now through the lens of obligation. I felt like he was fixing his ways only because Oriana was here. Was I not good enough for him to want to be a better man for me? Knowing I was mentally checked out but still present wasn’t good. It was dangerous to string someone along, knowing in your heart of hearts that you were done. I gripped the carttighter, ready to roll past him, but Lamont shifted his body just enough to block the aisle.
He didn’t do it aggressively, but enough to make it clear he wasn’t letting me slip by so easily.
“So… you got kids?” he asked, eyes flicking down to the small pack of formula in my cart before finding mine again.
My chest tightened. “Yeah. A daughter.”
His smile softened. “A daughter. That’s beautiful, Cay. You always had that nurturing heart. Bet she’s gorgeous, just like her momma.”
I swallowed hard. Compliments used to roll off me, but after Oriana, after Orion, it felt different. His small compliment meant the world to me.
“You married?” Lamont asked.
His tone was casual, but as his eyes scanned both my hands. I could tell that he was searching for the answer before I could even respond.
“No.” I shook my head. “Her father’s in the picture, but…” I hesitated, biting my lip. “It’s complicated.”
“Complicated?” He leaned closer, resting his arms on the handle of his cart. His cologne wrapped around me like a memory I didn’t want but couldn’t shake. “Cayla, you deserve more than complicated. You deserve easy. Somebody who sees you, who chooses you every day without hesitation. I messed up before, but I got my life together. I know how to treat a woman.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “You mean the way you knew how to treat me in college? Spare me, Lamont. I’m not the same girl you played back then.”
“Good. ’Cause I’m not the same man, either.” His gaze dropped for a moment, and his facial expression softened. “Look… I’m not trynna disrespect your situation, but I’d be lying if I said I saw you right now and didn’t feel something.”
My heart pounded, and I hated how part of me wanted to believe him. To soak up the words I wasn’t hearing at home, the attention I hadn’t felt since my body changed. I forced myself to look away while I pushed my cart forward.
“Don’t,” my voice cracked, “don’t come back into my life just to mess me up all over again.”
But even as I walked away, I could feel his eyes on me. And the scariest part was that a piece of me wanted to turn back.
