Page 101 of As the Years Pass
“I know, but why?” Another pause. He says nothing, so I add, “None of that was about you.”
When he speaks next, he sounds disappointed. “That’s the problem, Adam. That’s exactly the problem.”
The phone beeps, telling me the call ended. I stare at the screen for far too long, my throat in my stomach. Did he just break up with me?
Chapter Forty-One
Emmet
Maybe I’m being irrational. Maybe he’s right, and this has nothing to do with me at all, and I should mind my own business. It’s his life and his kids. His ex and her boyfriend.
But I don’t want to. I want it to be my business, and I want it to have everything to do with me because I want to be in Adam and his kids’ lives. I want a family with them. It’s what I’ve always wanted with him.
Why is that so hard for him to see?
Unless… this isn’t about him just seeing it but him telling me it’s not what he wants.
But he said he wanted it. He said he wants us together, and he wants to come out to people. So, what the hell is the issue? Fuck, why does this have to be so difficult?
“You okay, Bar Daddy?”
I blink a few times, Nathanial’s face coming into view.
“Fine, why?”
“I think you’ve scrubbed the varnish off the counter top.”
I look down at the counter, at the spot I’ve been wiping for way too long, if Nathanial’s comment is any indication. I run a hand through my hair, while dropping the cloth back into the sanitizer bucket.
“Yeah, just… stuff.”
“Relationship stuff?” he asks with a sad smile.
I watch him for a moment, then say, “You should be a therapist.”
He huffs out a laugh. “Wish I could. So, you need me to beat someone up?”
Now I laugh, because the thought of him beating anyone up is laughable.
“I’m offended,” he pouts.
“No, you’re not.”
“You’re right, but still. Icouldfight someone if I needed to.”
“I’m sure you could, Nathanial.”
I head into the back room and don’t miss Nathanial call after me, “I could! If you want me to, just let me know!”
He’s a good guy.The guysare all good guys. I appreciate their help and support in all this because it hasn’t been easy. This bar is important to them, and they easily could have made my life hell, but they didn’t. Sure, they joke around with me and are way too inappropriate at times, but they mean well. They’re just having fun. Most importantly, they care. They’re loyal as hell, and will go to bat for anyone in their circle—or even anyone who needs it.
I wish I had that. I’ve never had that before, and I so desperately want someone who’s loyal to me.
Growing up, my life was a revolving door. New foster kids every month, sometimes every week. The ones who left, I almost never spoke to again. Some stayed around for a while, but most were there for a short time. I had friends in school, but no one ever understood me. I always tried to befriend those who were living with me because they didn’t have anyone else. Most of them were around my age, and I don’t know if my parents did that on purpose or not, but because of it, I took them under my wing at school and showed them that not all kids are assholes. A lot of the kids would make fun of them for not having families, which is beyond cruel, but I always stood up for them. Sometimes being selfless is lonely, but I never regretted it.
And I don’t regret it now either, I just wish things were different. I wish I had people to lean on. I wish I had friends. I wish I had Adam at my side the way I always imagined he would be.
I thought we were on the road to where I want to be, but I was wrong. And maybe we just aren’t meant to be together at all. Maybe we’ll never be more than this.
