Page 34 of Freeing the Wild
“I put Ginger’s number in there too.And if you ever feellike having some real fun, we have this thing here at our local bar called Sangria Sundays …”
By the time I’ve finished unpacking it’s after six o’clock.This cabin might be the smallest little one-bedroom on the property, but it suits me just fine.The living room and kitchen are open-plan and there are no upper cabinets in the rustic space, only open wooden shelves where glassware and plates are stacked on display.Each one was carefully washed by Ivy and my mama, who’s currently busy putting food away, before I even arrived.There’s a butcher block peninsula in the kitchen that divides the space from the dining area and small living room.A heavy wooden mantel above the fireplace is the centerpiece Ivy says is in every cabin.There is firewood lined up beside it for me, as if I have any idea how to build my own fire.It looks pretty, nonetheless.There isn’t much furniture—just an overstuffed dark sofa and loveseat around a rustic square coffee table.
“You should be stocked up for a little while.You’ve got the staples, at least.”
I smile at my mama.“As long as there’s coffee.”
“And fruit, eggs and veggies.I’ve learned over the last few years, the best way to keep your mind healthy is to also keep your body healthy.You been keeping up with your yoga?”
I shake my head.“I have a Pelaton in my Nashville apartment.That’s as close as I get.”And I’m barely ever there..
“Well, here you have all the peace you’ll ever need.No one will ruffle your feathers unless you want them to.”
I glance out of the picture window to the front of the cabin, and glimpse Haden’s porch.I wonder if he ever sits on it.I remember my first time here and the coffee mug I noticed when I was walking by.I wonder how I’ll ever stop wondering about him, with him living so close to me.
“You think so?”I hear my mama say as she makes her way over to sit down beside me.
My eyes snap to hers.“Huh?”I ask.
She grins.Her short dark bob is tucked behind her ears, and her blue eyes crinkle in the corners.“You heard none of that?”
I pat her arm with a sigh.“Sorry, Mama, I’m drained.”
Her blue eyes analyze mine.
“I let you down, Cass,” she says after a moment of silence has passed.
“Mama—”
“I don’t want you to respond, I just want you to listen.I let you down.For a long time.But despite that, you still turned into the strongest, most beautiful woman.”Her eyes fill with tears.“I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but those days are over.I’m here for you now, baby.Please just let me.”
She places her hand over mine and, for the first time in more than ten years, I feel like I have my mama back.It’s at this moment I decide that whatever happened before is in the past.
I squeeze her hand back.“What did Daddy always say?You can’t ever move backward.”
“Only forward,” she finishes.
“That sounds good,” I say with a nod.
“I can stay tonight if you want.We can watch a movie?”
“No Mama, go out with Jo.”She already told me they have their weekly crochet club tonight.
“You sure?”
I let out a small laugh.“Yes, I’m sure.I think I want to be alone for my first night anyway.”
“Alrighty.I’ll get out of your hair then.But I’ll be back at my cabin around ten if you need anything,” she says as she walks toward the door.She turns the lamp on for me to brighten the room with the setting sun.“I left you some of my special soup in the fridge too, honey.”
I sit down on the surprisingly comfortable sofa and breathe out a sigh.“Thank you, Mama.”
She blows me a kiss, then closes the door behind her and I sit for a few minutes, letting everything wash over me.My mother is so different now.She was always incredible when I was very young, but after my daddy died, she was broken.It was hard.I always had Ivy and I know my mom did her best not to drink a lot until after we went to bed.But we knew.By the time I was sixteen, she needed taking care of.Now she’s taking care of me again.Funny how life can flip and come all the way full-circle when you aren’t even looking.
I glance out of the window again.There aren’t any lights on in Haden’s cabin.Where is he?Still working?I think of his face today, and the look in his eyes when he spoke.For the first time in a long time, I let myself really remember him.The way he touched me that night.The way I felt so alive when his mouth met mine.I let out a frustrated groan at the thought.He’s probably moved on to some new woman by now.
I heat up my soup and scroll through my phone as I eat, reading messages from Dax that remind me to post some clips from recent shows to my socials.There’s a message from Cherry asking how I am, but I don’t know her well enough to tell her I’m still sort of a wreck.So I just let her know I’m visiting family.
By the time I’m done eating, and have taken a long hot shower in my cute little white subway-tiled bathroom, I curl up to watch a romcom and wish I knew how to start a fire to help with the chill in this old cabin.No movie feels quite right and the slow, steady seep of anxiety starts to creep in through thesilence.I do my best to push the vision of the woman’s eyes from my mind.They were brown.They were afraid.Unable to keep still, I stand and start doing a sweep of the cabin.There has to be alcohol in here somewhere, right?
