Page 51 of Everything We Thought Was True
She took his hand. “Oh, Frank. I’m so sorry. For me, of course. For the kids. But also...” She whispered, “For you.” She hesitated. “But why did you marry me?”
“Because I loved you, Teresa. I still do. I don’t want you to think I don’t love you...”
“I know you love me. It’s hard to make sense of all this. But that much, I know.”
“Good. Never doubt that for a second. I may have lied about many things, but loving you has never been one of them. I’ll take care of you and the kids always. I’m not sure what that will look like, but I promise you I will. You’re my family.”
Teresa felt defeated. She was so tired. It was all too much to bear.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
FRANK - JOHNSTON, NY
1983
The feeling of finally telling Teresa the truth was hard to describe. It was like he’d reverted back to some essential version of himself—one he’d put aside years before when he fell in love with Teresa and thought marrying her would be enough and would somehow fix him.
But he refused to look at their marriage, their life together, and the children they’d created as a mistake. Who else would have stood by him so fiercely? Teresa loved him despite his flaws—had committed her life to him. She was way better than he deserved. She was the best thing in his life, the glue that held them together. And now he felt that glue pulling away from him like it had lost its stickiness.
Frank thought back to when he and Teresa honeymooned in Quebec City. He remembered the night they went ice skating at the rink overlooking the St. Lawrence River, twirling in circles, giggling like kids, stopping to hug and kiss. Then they went back to the hotel and slept together for the first time. And afterward, he was satisfied knowing he would only be with her, a woman, for the rest of his life.
The innocent young woman he’d met and fallen in love with all those years ago was gone. He’d underestimated her and, at times, seen her as an obstacle to be navigated. But she was far from that. Shewas his lifeline, his confidante, and his friend. The best friend he’d ever had. And he really did love her.
Damn it all.You’re the love of my life, Teresa. You’re just the wrong gender.
Frank walked into Lena's room and sat on the edge of her bed. Lena looked up at him and then right back down at the book she was reading. Frank gently placed his hand on the book and waited until she met his eyes.
“Lena, I need to talk to you. I'm going to talk to your brother, also, but I wanted to talk to you first.” He hesitated, running his hands through his hair. “I know you have some questions... that you’re confused.” He’d been dreading this conversation but knew his children had to hear this from him directly.
Lena nodded and didn't say a word but kept her gaze on him. Frank realized his daughter wanted the truth. She deserved it.
“There's something I need to tell you. Um... part of the reason your mom and I have been fighting so much lately...” Frank swallowed hard. “Lena, I'm different from many other men. I like... other men the way most men like women. I've kept it hidden from you and Anthony because... because I didn't want you to know that about me. I really didn't want you to know that about me. But you have to know. You deserve to know.”
“I already know,” she whispered. “I’ve known for a while now, Dad.” She bit her bottom lip.
He took a deep breath and blew out the air slowly to steady himself.So it’s true.Teresa had confided in him that Lena had suspected for years. Henry had worried that Lena had caught them in an intimate moment on the boat a few summers earlier. Frank could only imagine how confused she must have felt. Frank could see Lena's eyes filling with tears, hurt and pain etched on her face. He could also seea stiffness in her jaw, a lift of her head—anger and defiance. He had put all of it there. Frank's eyes filled up with tears as well.
He gently touched Lena's cheek. “I'm sorry, Cricket. I never meant to hurt you or disappoint you. Or your mother or brother. I can't help it. It's just who I am. I fought it for a long time, but I can't anymore. And I can't ask your mother to keep such a big secret anymore. It isn't fair to her. I have to be honest with you all. You deserve it.”
Lena reached out suddenly and hugged Frank hard, throwing her arms around him and burrowing her head in his neck and crying. They sat there for a long time, entwined. Frank held onto Lena tightly, his arms wrapped around her and his hands pressed against her back.
“I love you,” he whispered into her hair.
Lena nodded but said nothing. That was okay. Frank knew she loved him but needed time and was angry and confused. For now, this was enough.
Frank left Lena’s room and paused at the top of the stairs. He planned to talk to Anthony next. But first, he needed to take a moment to gather himself. This truth telling was exhausting. As he sat on the top step, he felt a jab from the keys in his pocket—he hadn’t even put them down on the counter when he got home, as if he’d known that he wouldn’t be staying.
Frank knocked softly on his parents’ front door. “Ma, Pa, it’s me, Frank. Let me in.”
His father opened the door with a startled look on his face. “Frank, what are you doing here? We didn’t expect you. Come in, come in. Are Teresa and the kids with you?”
“No,” Frank said. “They’re not. In fact, I need to talk to both of you about that... about my family.It’s important.”
His mother came into the kitchen as Enzo led Frank down the front hallway. She read Frank’s face immediately and already knew something was wrong. He could see it in her eyes.
Frank knew they would have a hard time receiving and processing the blow he was going to deal them. But it had to be done. Frank thought of his parents leaving Italy for a totally unknown new world. They must have been eager and anxious for their new life in America. They’d had to start over in a place where they knew hardly anyone and didn’t speak the language. What a risk. In a strange way, this gave him strength. If they could start a new life, he could too. They would be offended if they knew he was comparing coming out as a gay man to their leaving the Old Country to come to the United States. But to him, it wasn’t so different.
“I have something to tell you, and it’s not easy,” Frank said.
