Page 14 of Embers in Our Souls
I think that’s what I always liked about being friends before. At school, no one suspected we were close. I never cared that we kept our meetups to ourselves. I liked having something between us that no one could partake in. All my other friends weren’t the best influence, but you were always different. Unlike my parents and the administrators at the school, you never passed me off. You saw me. Youseeme.
How is everything going on the west coast? Are you feeling any better? Did you get any answers? I hope you’ve gotten some treatment and found a doctor that can help you out.
What’s the plan with school? Last we spoke that night I was in Nevada, you were going to start life on your own, financially. I know it’s overwhelming to think about and I just want you to know how proud I am of you for taking this initiative and standing up for yourself.It’s hard, but as you get used to everything there, I’m sure it will get better.
Boot camp is challenging, but it’s been worth it. I’ve been making friends with some of the guys here and I’ve felt like it’s been a true brotherhood. Georgia is incredibly humid compared to Vegas.
I knew that coming into this it would be hot, but when we’re running in the middle of the day with all our gear, it’s a whole new level of sweat. I won’t go into detail, but damn, Indy; I never knew heat like this. It's so muggy here compared to back home. It feels like we’re living close to the sun.
I love the idea of writing letters with you. I hope things are starting to adjust well for you.
Your pen pal husband,
Ty
CHAPTER 7
Tyler
I’m exhausted.I haven’t felt an ounce of calm since the day I walked away from Indiana at the hospital.
Running into her felt like I walked back in time. All the emotions swimming through my mind from the moment our eyes connected haven’t stopped. I’ve been restless every night and it’s been hard to focus, let alone sleep.
My head is swarming with thoughts of her son, the fact that she’s a mother, and the mere notion she has moved on in life. I mentally prepared myself for the possibility that Indy was living a full life with someone else, but seeing it is something completely different. While I’ve felt like I’m lost, stagnant in this world, still looking for my place without her and Georgie. I might be putting on a brave face in front of millions on my social media platform, and in front of the guys at the station, but deep down it’s all a front.
I’ve worked hard in therapy ever since I got back to civilian life, to ensure I work through the trauma I was living in after watching Georgie be killed in front of me. Add in the destruction I witnessed nearly daily, I had gone through too much while I was in the military.
I’m aware that I see the difference in my truth now that I’m trying to live a new life here in Boston. I’m balancing a new normal, that’s something my therapist always reminds me of. What’s portrayed on my social media and what’s reality are two separate things. Although I make a decent living with content creation, building my life here in Boston started to feel empty to me and I needed human connection. The guys at the station help me feel like I can lean on people again, much like the camaraderie I had in the Army.
After I pushed Indy away years ago, I was able to self-reflect and learn from it. My grief after losing Georgie truly took me to new depths. I coped in the wrong way, and I dealt with it poorly. She has no idea what I was dealing with, nor did I take the time back then to use my words to explain. I shut down and used lies to hide my truth. Now, all those feelings have come flooding back since running into her.
Seeing Indiana succeeding in life is all the confirmation I needed to know that walking away from her was the right thing to do. I can’t bring her down by telling her the truth behind what I did and ruin her life, but it doesn’t take away from my heartache.
What’s even more fucked about this entire situation is the fact that she’s got a child while she’s still married to me. After leaving the hospital, I had a moment of panic thinking Noah could be mine and Indy had kept him from me out of spite. But before I spiraled, I remembered overhearing the school nurse whisper that his father passed away while updating us when we asked about his parents’ arrival.
It didn’t keep me from waiting outside that hospital room in hopes of seeing Indy for a moment the following morning after my shift. I finally pulled myself away and went home, realizing I was acting like a crazed stalker and thought it best to head toback to my place. The last person she wants to see is me after the pain I put her through.
The guys and their significant others have forced me out of the house today and we’re meeting at a park. They said I can’t avoid them any longer since I haven’t explained the whole surprise marriage bomb to them.
I’m the first to arrive at the park, so I’m sitting on the grass, watching a few families playing with their kids. It’s a sunny day, not a cloud in the sky. I leave my ball cap on, shielding me from the sun, watching people run around in the warmth of the spring day.
“Hunter, hey,” Clay says as he makes his way over with the stroller.
“Hi. Want some help?” I ask him as he carries a few extra items in his hands to set up stuff for Ella to sit.
“I think I’ve got it. Thanks though.” Clay locks the stroller and starts setting up a play area for her, with a play mat that has a shaded cover for her. Ella babbles in her stroller and I stand up to greet her.
“Hi, Ella. Do you remember me?” I ask her as I tickle her feet. She gestures with her hands, then stuffs one of her fists in her mouth, smiling. Her big, blue eyes, matching her mother’s, look up at me, while her dimples pop out to greet me.
“Hi, Hunter. How are you?” Abby meets up with us.
“Hey, Abby. Good. Ella’s getting big.” I look over my shoulder.
“She is. Time’s moving too fast. I hear you’ve been keeping a few secrets.” She winks at me.
“Geez, they’re such gossips.” I roll my eyes.
“You have no idea.” She chuckles.
