Page 13 of Embers in Our Souls
“Wonderful. I was looking over your paperwork. I see you checked off your marital status as married” —She brings her computer into the room. I keep my eyes focused on the woman, but I can feel Kalli’s eyes on me from my periphery. I heard Kalli’s surprised intake of breath at this information. Luckily, Noah is so enthralled in his show that he can’t hear our conversation through to his headphones. Erin continues as if she didn’t just blow up my life—“but it wasn’t clear if you are the primary on your insurance or if your husband is.”
My heart is thundering beneath my ribcage, and the room is suddenly feeling incredibly stuffy.
I hate that in the haste of nerves yesterday, I filled the hospital forms out in a desperate attempt to get everything out of the way, and forgot I checked off the married box onthe insurance portion. I’m no longer a dependent on Tyler’s insurance, but I can’t lie on my paperwork.
Somehow, I find my voice despite my mouth going dry. “I, uh, I’m sorry about the confusion. I’m the primary on the insurance,” I confirm.
“Wonderful,” Erin says in a cheerful voice. “The nurses said your husband sat outside your room this morning, but he left before I got here. I’m sorry to bother you.”
I can’t help the look of confusion that must pass over my face. Was Tyler outside Noah’s hospital room this morning? Why would he return and risk running into me again?
I pull myself out of my trance and wave goodbye to Erin. Little does she know the shitstorm she has just left me to deal with. I’m sure my best friend will now verbally berate me thanks to this woman’s revelation.
I continue to look at the now closed door, hoping a nurse will walk in with discharge papers and distract us further. Unfortunately, the silence is the only thing that takes over the room.
I finally look over at my best friend and expect to see her seething, but instead I find a look of hurt across her face.
But now I see, keeping this secret from my best friend, of all people, has broken her heart. If the tables were turned, I wouldn’t be furious, I’d find myself stricken in the same way she is looking at me right now.
I look down at my hands, shame washing over me.
I finally speak and I can hear the defeat in my voice.
“I’m sorry.” There are no other words I can think of right now.
“Why would you keep this from me?” she asks right above a whisper. I can’t mistake the pain in her tone.
I shake my head. “I’ve only ever told my brother. And my parents found out when I was in the process of gaining custodyof Noah.” I look over at her again. “I swear, I didn’t keep it from you to be hurtful. It’s something I never wanted to talk about, and I never thought we’d stay married this long.”
Silence washes over the room once again. The heaviness between us is new to me because our friendship has always been the one easy part of my life that I have appreciated through all my struggles. She has held me up when life has felt like it was trying to drown me countless times.
“Well, then, I guess you’re not carrying this secret without sharing it with me any longer,” she says.
And that’s when I tell Kalli all about the night I married Tyler, in what started as a fake marriage. Then I continue the story about a marriage that morphed into what felt like a real love story for me. That is until he disintegrated my heart years later right before I planned to confess that I wanted forever with him.
CHAPTER 5
Indiana
11 YEARS AGO
CHAPTER 6
Tyler
11 YEARS AGO
July 7, 2014
Dear Indy,
Or should I really be addressing this letter to my wife? I won’t lie—it’s still surreal to me that we’re married. Does it still catch you by surprise sometimes?
Thanks for sending me the postcard with the update. I love that you’re in California. I’ve always wanted to visit. I can’t wait to hear more about what it’s like now that you’re living there.
I had to fill some paperwork out when I arrived on base and I found myself having to pause because it still leaves me dumbfounded. I think it will take time to wrap my head around what we did. I promise, that’s not my way of saying I regret any of it. I’m glad I could help and I hope you’re able to get the care you need for your health issues.
When we went our separate ways after your mom found out about us hanging out, I thought that was it between us. To have our friendship back feels surreal. Looking at us, no one would guess we fit; two mismatched puzzle pieces. Yet, here we are, our edges blending as one, coming together perfectly, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
