Page 59 of Embers in Our Souls
“This was a lot to digest. Maybe we meet up another day, and we can talk it over once you’ve had time to think about what I’ve told you. I know I’ve said a lot and I’m sorry, but I?—”
“No, Tyler. That’s not what I mean. I can’t put myself through this. I thought I could try to see where this went, either with a friendship or even something more. But I can’t. I know you were dealing with intense grief and mental illness, but that doesn’t excuse the harsh things you said in your letter. It also doesn’t explain why you never reached out to me before now.” I look away, the heaviness of this whole interaction catching up to me, then finally bringing my gaze back to meet his. “I don’t think we should see each other again. I think this is it between us.”
“Indy, no. Please,” he says, moving toward me. I can see the pain in his eyes.
“Tyler, you did this to us. You ruined this five years ago,” I remind him. “I’m just making it official. I’ll make sure you receive everything you need to get the paperwork going.”
There’s a knock at the door.
“That’s my nurse.” I swipe at my tears. “You need to go.”
“Indy, I never meant to hurt you like this,” he says.
I scoff. “Honestly, I don’t believe you.”
He passes Darth and scratches behind his ear. My usually prickly cat leans into his touch and purrs. I’m not sure cats are as good at judging character as people think.
I open the front door and my home health nurse, Doris, is waiting for me, her big smile dropping when she sees the state I’m in. Tyler nods at her as he passes the threshold. I don’t miss the way she takes him in, watching his tall, muscular frame.
He steals another glance at me, then moves along. I open my door wider for Doris to walk in, trying, and failing, to put the morning behind me.
“Who in the world was that beautiful man?” Doris asks as I close the door behind her.
“A piece of my past,” I say as my heart breaks once again. “You ready?” I move further into my place, depositing the empty coffee cups into the trash.
“Any chance that tall glass of water is coming back?” she says with a little laugh.
Doris is a woman in her fifties and she has been my home health nurse since I started getting my treatments when I moved to Boston. Given that I’ve spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals, I’m pretty particular about my nurses. I’ve had nurses who try to talk politics the second they get through the door, it makes the long infusions very awkward. It’s hard to spend hours with someone you don’t get along with. But from the moment I met Doris, we formed a bond.
I wipe another stray tear, pushing a smile forward. “I don’t think so. Sorry to disappoint,” I tell her.
“Oh, sweet girl. Let’s get you started, and we can get a good documentary on. Maybe a nap after you pre-medicate is just what the nurse ordered. Sound good?” She smiles and I return it the best I can. “But first, I think you need a hug. Come here.”
She opens her arms wide and I move into them. That’s another thing about going through the health issues I’ve endured—I get really close to those that care for me. They become like a second family and Doris is no different.
The problem is, I thought Tyler Hunter was my family too and I trusted the wrong person for far too long. And after this morning, I realize I have to completely say goodbye to him. Even though I thought I said goodbye to him five years ago, my heart is now fully breaking knowing he’ll be gone for good. It’s in this brief moment of reflection that I realize I didn’t get to say my piece. I didn’t get to lay out all my reasons why the divorce didn’t come sooner. As much as life got hectic, there’s more to that story.
I let myself shatter for the last time in Doris’s arms, crying as she rubs circles on my back. Maybe I’ll finally feel free to love again, because Tyler somehow held my heart for the last eleven years, even when I thought I had let him go.
CHAPTER 31
Tyler
Getting backfrom Indiana’s house, it was hard to settle down. I was pacing inside the house and simply got frustrated. So, I grabbed the keys to my bike and took a ride. I thought I needed more, but I was desperate to feel the wind against my body.
Something about the awareness on the road, the need to be hyper-focused when riding, helps my mind relax, stripping me of the anxiety of the outside world. I can’t find that when I drive the truck. I don’t let my mind wander like I did last time, which was my first mistake when I got in that accident.
I’m now sitting on the bench at a park, staring out at Boston Harbor. I’ve replaced the bike helmet with a ball cap, my aviators shielding me not only from the blinding sun, but from being recognized.
Now that my followers know I’m in Boston permanently, they seek me out. I’m gaining more attention on my page. Since I posted my workout at the firehouse, it’s gained popularity. River’s antics, along with his niece in tow, have only upped the views to my content. Kennedy said he’s been insufferable athome, but I know she takes it in stride, telling me her fiancé is pestering her about his fifteen minutes of fame.
Thinking about their relationship only makes me ache for what I was hoping I could build with Indy. That’s the thing—I was delusional. I was dreaming of something after the stupidity of years ago. I know I ruined it, but I was hoping after she heard my explanation, maybe she would have a better understanding of where I was coming from.
I was foolish to believe she’d understand my point of view, because that lie was utter bullshit. Rekindling anything with her was a fantasy. I was an absolute moron to believe she was simply going to hear what I had to say and just come running back into my arms.
I hear movement behind me, so I look to my left to find Malloy approaching.
“So, you’re the reason why my phone has been buzzing nonstop?” I say, bringing my focus back on the water in front of me.
