Page 11 of Embers in Our Souls
I turn around and walk toward the person who matters most in my life and grab his hand. It feels like everything starts moving at lightning speed in that moment. The gurney is pushed toward the ambulance and we hop inside. I keep giving Noah reassuring words to calm him down, hoping my own words will settle the uptick in my heart rate after seeing Tyler.
Once we’re settled, I expect the doors to close for us to head out, but Noah’s small voice whispers, “Where’s Hunter?”
“Oh, um, I think he’s going in the firetruck, sweetie.”
Before my words have time to register, Tyler calls out, “I’m right here, buddy.”
He’s making his way into the patient compartment, which is confined as it is. I can’t help the way my body goes still at the sound of his voice. I keep my back to him as he addresses Noah and the woman taking vitals by his side.
“Polly, sorry to make it even more cramped back here. I got it approved with the captain to tag along,” Tyler says.
“No problem, probie.” She winks at him and my traitorous heart feels that pang of jealousy, wondering if there’s something between them beyond a working relationship. It doesn’t matter, though, does it? I have to try and remember whatever is going on in Tyler’s life is his business. He made that clear to me years ago. I was nothing to him then, and I’m nothing to him now.
“Hey, champ,” Tyler greets Noah as he sits nearby. “I’m going to ride along with you just like I promised. How’s that IV?”
“It’s okay.” Noah lifts his arm and wiggles it around. The hives are still all over his face and neck, but haven’t gotten worse in the few minutes I’ve been around him. My poor boy is still puffy and unrecognizable around his eyes, but I’m hoping they can give him more medicine at the hospital.
“Why is he still so swollen, even with all the medication you’ve given?” I ask Polly while inspecting Noah.
“He got both doses of his Epi-Pen and Benadryl at the school. Once we get to the hospital, they’ll evaluate him and see if he needs more medication, like steroids or if more antihistamines are needed. The fact that we were able to keep more swelling and hives at bay is the most important,” Tyler interjects before Polly can explain.
I can feel his eyes on me, but then I notice him in my periphery turning his attention toward Noah. “You feeling any difficulty swallowing or speaking?”
Noah shakes his head.
“That’s good,” Ty says, then swings his attention back to me with a reassuring smile.
I let out a breath, my gaze remaining on Noah. My hand runs through his hair. I lean down and kiss his hand. “You’re so brave. I love you so much.” I smile at him.
“I love you, Mommy,” he whispers back.
Noah only recently started calling me Mom, claiming he’s now a big boy. I’ve noticed he only calls me “Mommy” when he’s scared or sick. I miss his chubby little hands squeezing my cheeks, but I will admit I would do anything to hear him call me Mom right now and have him feeling one hundred percent. At least he wouldn’t be in the back of an ambulance.
When I pull away, I look over and catch Tyler looking at us, a pensive look on his face. I wish I could read his mind right about now. He doesn’t know this side of my life. The last time weconnected I was still the old Indy, untethered to a child, and only broken because of parents who lied to me.
Now there are so many pieces of me he doesn’t know about, facets of my life he never got to experience. Letters I itched to write, but never did, with updates about things throughout the years because I missed him. My world went up in flames and Tyler was nowhere in sight, because he was selfish and nothing how I imagined. He isn’t privy to what’s going on anymore because he chose to walk away from me. Now he’s an onlooker into my life—an outsider—a choice he opted for years ago because he broke my heart instead of cherishing it.
We pull up to the ambulance loading zone at the emergency room and we’re seamlessly escorted through. The moment the back door to the ambulance opens, Noah’s gurney is pulled out and everyone is speaking to the hospital staff. I’m trying to keep up, but I feel overwhelmed by the medical jargon being spewed from one person to the other.
Tyler and Polly are answering a ton of questions, while I stand back with Noah, holding his hand and constantly asking if he’s feeling alright. The nursing staff is checking on him and assessing his hives, ensuring he isn’t having trouble breathing.
We get ushered to a room and soon we’re going through more questions while the paramedics are handing off their report. I watch from afar as I know I’m close to seeing the last of Tyler. A part of me is relieved because I feel like I can’t breathe around him—but there’s another part of me that knows I want to hold onto this. Now that I’ve seen him, I want to know more.
What has he been up to all these years? What brought him to Boston? Why did he leave the military? Why did he ruin me all those years ago? Why did he ruinus?
As if my thoughts attract his gaze, Tyler locks his focus on me.
“Ouch, Mommy. You’re holding my hand too tight,” Noah says.
“Oh, sorry, sweetie,” I tell him. Get a damn grip, Indy.
I look up again and now Tyler is walking toward us. He makes his way into the room.
“Listen champ, I’ve gotta run. But you were so brave out there. Promise me, no more fights with bees. Got it?” Noah gives Tyler a small smile in return, even though I can tell the hives are impeding him from giving him a full one.
“Promise,” Noah says.
Tyler brings his focus to me next. “It was good seeing you again, Indy,” he says.
