Page 82 of The Fangirl Project
“Oh. You…um, you never…mentioned anything.”
“I didn’t want to bring the mood down.” I shrug, then meet hereye. “Talking about my shitty boy drama with Jake felt like a better way to get you all to like me than complaining that my parents’ divorce is a living hell.”
Daphne’s eyes go wide, her face falling into something sympathetic and gentle, full of her usual earnestness. But she seems to check herself, because she sniffs and says nothing.
I sit up straighter. “I shouldn’t…Look, I’m not saying you should hear me out, and I get it if you don’t want to be my friend anymore. But I shouldn’t have said that stuff at the party. I shouldn’t have brushed you off like that. I’m sorry.”
Daphne scoffs. “You’resorry?”
But before I can tell her I am—that I really,honestlyam, she’s burying her face in her hands and laughing shakily.
“Why areyousorry?” she exclaims. “Cerys,I’mthe one who was a total bitch! Like you were jealous and boy-crazy, when…I mean, comeon,like we don’t all ask you what the latest is with Jake and dissect it a hundred times over! I was just—I was…Oh God.” She sighs, another wobbly laugh catching on her words, and she slumps, pulling her hands away from her face to look at me. “It was so stupid. It’s so embarrassing.”
“What?”
“I basically invited myself, that night. Daniel didn’t invite me. You went to Jake’s soccer match and it worked out so well, and Daniel had already told me about the party, so I thought—I thought I’d try to be more like you…”
“Likeme? But…” ButDaphne’sthe oneIlook up to. The one I take cues and guidance from!
“You just always seem so…Well, you get stuck into things,you’ll give anything a go, and you’re sort of fearless! I mean, I couldneverhave just gone up to a group of girls I didn’t know and tried to be friends with them like you did! I had to drag you all along to that rugby match with me because I was too much of a coward to go on my own, and eventhenI was too scared to actually go up to the guy and talk to him! But you—you go to Comic Con, for God’s sake!”
I’m stunned that she sees me that way. Stunned because it’s like how Anissa said she saw me. Stunned because…it’s how I’ve started to see Max, and I admire that about him a lot, actually. And it’s sort of nice to hear that Daphne, of all people, thinks it aboutme.
“Anyway,” Daphne carries on, “I thought I’d justdoit, you know, bite the bullet, be more Cerys, so I went to the party, and—oh, I just didn’t know anybody there, and Daniel wasn’t actually all that bothered to see me. After we kissed, he went to get a drink, then when he didn’t come back, I found him kissinganothergirl in the sunroom! I’d just shut myself in the bathroom upstairs to have a little cry and try to decide whether he was worth it or whether to just go home when I ran into you, and I was too mortified to say anything. But of course you thought the same as Daniel, obviously, that I’d made a drunk mess of myself and was being all annoying and clingy—”
“No! Oh my God, no, Daphne…”
I can’t believe she thoughtIwas the one judgingherfor how she acted at that party. I feel so awful she’s been stuck feeling embarrassed all this time, when I should’ve just talked to her.
This time, it’s my turn to confess all.
Well—at least some.
“I was upset, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. You were just asking me about Jake, and things with him were such a mess and goingsobadly, I couldn’t face it. And I’d just had this fight with Max—”
“What! Third-wheel Max?” she exclaims, and it’s like nothing ever happened for a moment—like we haven’t been dodging each other for weeks, like it’s a regular Thursday morning debrief about boys over coffee. Her eyes are bright, scandalized, her hand over her gaping mouth. “What did you two even fight about? Did you call him out?”
“Sort of…But I was really mean about it. Like I was to you, and…Honestly, Daph, the whole night was a total shit show. It’s not an excuse, but I’m sorry I took that out on you. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that sooner.”
“No! Oh gosh, no, babe,I’msorry! I thought for sure you must hate me—”
“I thoughtyouhatedme—”
And just like that, it doesn’t even matter, because she’s throwing herself off the makeshift stool to give me a hug, and we’re both laughing, and I’m cussing out Daniel for treating her so rubbish and she’s tutting about boys being not worth all the hassle anyway.
She’s right, they’re not.
I’m just…sad that my friendship with Jake had to get destroyed in the process. That all still hurts too much to go into right now, though, and the main thing is that Daphne and I are patching things up. My shitty boy drama can wait.
By the time the girls are back from their coffees, we’re gigglingover how stupid the two of us have been, and when Evie unlocks the door, the five of us pile into a group hug.
Maybe I am shallow and tag along, or maybe I am fearless and get stuck into anything, but whatever I am, it feels good to have friends who accept it and fight for me.
Even if those friends aren’t Jake.
27
It’s Christmas before I knowit, and all I can think about is how Jake and I should be hanging out watchingElfand feasting on the biscuit casualties left over from his family’s annual attempt to make a gingerbread village. When Ginny uploads a photo of this year’s wonky spectacular, I have to swipe away before I start crying.
