Page 83 of The Fangirl Project
Should I reach out to Jake now? ’Tis the season, and all that, and maybe he’s missing me, too? Giving him space seemed like the right thing to do, even if it meant letting him get overhiscrush onme,but I don’t care about that anymore. I just want my friend back. Daphne and I patched things up; couldn’t Jake and I? Then again, there were no broken hearts and betrayals involved there…
In the end, I decide not to.
It’s Christmas, he’s busy, he’s having fun with Ginny being home, and his older brother, Thomas, has finally moved to Cardiff, so they’ll be playing D&D campaigns and whatever, and I don’t want to spoil the holidays for him. I’ve already been selfish enough when it comes to our friendship.
He’s been hanging out a lot with Anissa, so I try to ask her advice about it, but she only cringes whenever I bring it up.
“Jake’s just…he’s got some stuff going on, and he’s working through some things,” she says, in what feels like a very rigid and prepared answer. “Pleasedon’t bring me into the middle of it, Cerys. I don’t want to get stuck between you.”
“Well, you kind of are.”
“I know, and it’srubbish,believe me. It’s not very nice when he asks me how you’re doing, either, you know, and I’ve told him he should justtalkto you. You both feel so bloody awful, I almost…”
“Want to lock us in a storeroom closet until we’re friends again?”
Anissa laughs; she got a real kick out of that story. “Don’t tempt me. But you’re both moping around, missing each other, and…” She lets out a big sigh. “I really don’t want to get involved, Cerys, it’s not my place. Jake will come around. He’ll talk to you properly soon, I’m sure of it. Just…give him some time, okay? Maybe after Christmas?”
“But it’s already beenages.Nearly two months.”
“I know. I know, but…” She looks so sad, so conflicted, I wonder what reallyisgoing on with Jake. Is he more heartbroken than I realize?
More heartbroken than…I have been?
When I try to ask Anissa about that, though, she refuses to get into it. “This is for the two ofyouto sort out. Now come on—I thought I came over so we could read the new update on that Moonsilver fic. It’ssix thousandwords about the ballroom scene, Cerys, and I don’t think they even kiss yet…”
Maybe I haven’t known Anissa that long, but the shared love ofOWARhas helped us forge a strong bond—and I trust her. Enough, at least, to promise myself that I’ll carry on giving Jake space untilat least the new year.
My own Christmas is as strange as it is chaotic. Mom and Dad are back to being frosty with each other, and every conversation they have is in clipped tones. We have my Aunty Jude’s party on the 23rd with my dad’s side of the family; we spend Christmas morning with Dad’s parents, and the afternoon with my maternal grandma, plus a bunch of my younger cousins with their noisy new games and food we’re too full from lunch to really eat. Then it’s a drive up to Bangor on Boxing Day to see my granddad and step-nan, with only one argument over the route Mom takes. I put on the thirdOWARaudiobook and pretend to sleep for most of the journey.
See?I want to tell them.I knew this would happen.The whole “happy families” act was never going to last.
At least for New Year’s Eve, Chloe’s invited us all over. It’ll be a welcome escape from all the family time I’ve been subjected to.
Like tonight, with rain lashing against the windows, and all three of us sitting around the kitchen table, the mood eerily calm.Pleasant,almost. Mom and Dad are holding an actual conversation, and there are a few smiles and laughs between them that make me wary.
After they’ve hashed over all the usual chatter—my New Year’s plans with the girls, how work and school have been, if I’ve had any more thoughts about uni yet ahead of next year’s applications—Mom broaches the one subject I was hoping they’d been too preoccupied to notice.
“You haven’t mentioned Jake very much lately. What’s going on there?”
I freeze. “Um…”
“Have you two had a falling-out?” Dad asks—and,brilliant,now they’re both doing the kind, concerned parent act, teaming up again like they did when Anissa came over.
“Not really. Just…um…you know.” I shrug. “We’ve both been busy.”
It’s a pathetic excuse, and I’m sure they both hear the lie in my voice based on the glance they exchange.
“It’s such a shame,” Mom sighs. “He was always such a lovely boy, and a good friend.”
“He’s notdead,Mom.”
They both laugh. She waves her fork at me. “I know that, silly. I only meant it’s a shame you two haven’t managed to stay close.”
“We—”
We would’ve, if not for Max. If not for the kiss.
If not for The Fangirl Project, and my determination to see it through ruining everything.
