Page 39 of Awakened
Not only did I continuously choose his best friend over him, but I also resented his attempts to distance himself so he could get over me.
“It’s—it’s too late now. He deserves for me to leave him alone. I’ve been hurting him for years. Maybe going rogue and the whole Zach thing will be enough for him to be done with me.”
The thought of Seth hating me made me sick to my stomach, but it had to be done. He deserved to be someone’s first choice. He deserved a heart that wasn’t smashed to bits. He deserved a whole person.
“I wouldn’t count on it, Les. Don’t you see how wrong it would be to throw this possibility away? You guys could be happy together.” Emily’s expression was so soft and sweet that I wanted to give in, but my Swiss cheese heart wouldn’t let me.
“I can’t be what he needs right now. I’m a broken mess. I wouldn’t know what’s us and what’s nostalgia. Aiden is still stuck right here.” I patted my chest. My cheeks felt hot with alcohol and tears. I was turning into a full-on drunk spectacle.
“I’m not saying you should be married in the morning,” she said as she flourished her arm like a Shakespearean actor. “But don’t shut the door on Seth. You could be something great. Don’t let guilt and heartbreak keep you from what could be the love of your life. Be honest with yourself. Okay, enough.” She squeezed my hand, then turned to Rae. “I need four shots.”
Emily and I took our shots and joined the gang on the dance floor.
Zach pulled me to him and yelled over the loud music, “What’s wrong, Sunshine?” I shook my head against his chest and looked up with a small smile.
So much for playing it cool. I need to get my shit together.
He frowned but didn’t push me. Instead, he kissed the tip of my nose and spun me around. While I wouldn’t say Zach was a good dancer, he was entertaining. He was busting out a very enthusiastic running man and cracking my shit up when I noticed Seth was missing in action.
I leaned into Sarah and shouted, “Where’s Seth?”
She motioned toward the patio and then turned back to Michael and Brandon, who were voguing with the most serious model faces I had ever seen. Those two really were separated at birth.
I wanted to find Seth and smooth things over. Maybe apologize for not telling him about Zach and promise we could stay up all night catching up when we got home.
Emily’s words were in the back of my mind. “Be honest with yourself.”
If I was being honest, I wanted to do more than talk. I wanted to tell him he had always been in my heart, even if that was messy as hell. I wanted to tell him I wasn’t ready for us now, but I would be if he could just give me a little more time. I could only hope that Zach would understand. It would suck to hurt him.
Honesty. It’s time for me to be honest.
As I stepped onto the patio, I searched the chairs for that familiar mop of dark, messy waves. All I saw were black rectangular glasses and the hipsters behind them. In a dark corner of the patio, a petite brunette was wrapped around a tall body. The guy pulled away from their kiss, and my heart dropped. Seth’s dark brown eyes met my wide stare for a beat before he looked back down at the woman in his arms and buried his face in her neck.
Message received.
I turned on my heel and headed back inside. The alcohol running through my system pushed me beyond drunk tears and right onto drunk rage.
Sarah and Emily saw my face and immediately met me at the bar.
“What’s wrong, sweetness?” Sarah brushed my hair out of my eyes.
“Nothing. You can’t change a tiger’s stripes, can you?” I snorted, wiping my nose aggressively.
“Okay . . . What the fuck does that mean?” Emily shot Sarah a puzzled look.
I slammed back another shot. “Ask Seth.”
Zach grinned and waved at me from the dance floor.
“It’s go time,” I muttered, hopping off the stool.
Sarah grabbed my hand. “You’re not going to set something on fire again, are you?”
“You light one chair on fire because you’re out of firewood, and suddenly you’re a pyromaniac.”
Emily bit back a smile. “I seem to recall it being the chair that Aiden was on when Ashley decided to sit in his lap.”
“And we needed firewood,” I deadpanned. It was no time to discuss my questionable past with jealousy. “Time to dance.”
