Page 65 of Interview with a Sadist
“I was his Little One. I was the one who was willing to go to the furthest extreme to satisfy his desires. I dedicated myself to him completely, and he fucking turned me down. I don't understand it, but I can’t allow it, because nobody is as passionate as Nolan.
"Out of all the guys I’ve allowed to fuck me, no one has made me feel the way Nolan did. All I cared about was pleasing him, and there was nothing better than hearing him say he was proud of me. I begged him to love me, but he was so caught up in the success of the club and whatever else he had going on in his life that he just couldn't do it. But he’ll be able to now. Once you're out of the way—once he loses someone he cares about, he’ll change. I can tell he has grown in the months we’ve been broken up. He’s ready to commit now instead of being the god of that club, flaunting his sexual prowess in front of everyone like he used to. Now that he’s ready to settle, it has to be with me.”
“Maddy, you have to stop and think,” I plead, hoping with everything in me that she’ll listen, or that I can stall long enough for Nolan to return. “If you beat me to death with that tire iron, there will be blood everywhere, and I’ve already told people about you showing up to my apartment yesterday. Everyone will know it was you, and you won’t even end up with Nolan because you’ll be in jail. Think it through.”
Maddy laughs beneath her breath as she shakes her head and looks at me.
“You think you’ve got it all figured out, don't you?” she says, glaring at me. “You think because you're some fancy journalist and I’m just some whore who works at a BDSM club that you're better than me? Smarter than me? Well, how’s this? I’m not going to beat you with the tire iron. I only needed this to knock you out once I saw Nolan leave your apartment. It sort of puts dents in my plan because you have a knot on your head now, but with the way Nolan likes to fuck, he’ll just assume that was from him. So, no, I’m not going to beat you with this. I’m going to smother you with your own pillow, then remove the cuffs and leave you in bed for Nolan to discover as soon as he gets back from his little store run. When he finds you, he’ll think you died in your sleep or something. I didn't sit outside your apartment the entire weekend plotting this out just to beat your brains in and leave evidence behind. I have a plan, dummy.”
“He’ll never fall for that,” I bark. “He already knows you were watching my place. He knows you’ve been following me.”
“Which I will apologize for,” she says nonchalantly. Maddy shrugs as if she’s talking about the weather, completely believing her own hype. “I know he’s going to be upset, and maybe he’ll even suspect me, but with no evidence and the passage of time, he’ll get over you, and I’ll be there to comfort him when he does. He’s only known you a few weeks, Bree. The memory of you won’t last forever, and your little story about the club will never come out. No one will have a leg to stand on when it comes to accusing me.”
“Please stop this,” I beg. “You’ve already admitted that Nolan didn't want you the way you wanted him, so why are you risking all of this for someone who doesn’t want you?”
“Because he’s the one I chose,” she blares, slamming the iron down on the bed again. “It’s something a little closed-minded bitch like you could never understand. I’ve been in the lifestyle since I was a teenager, dating asshole after asshole and never feeling like there was someone truly worthy of my submission. But that all changed when I met Nolan. He earned my trust and the depths of my soul over time, because he’s a true Dom, not one of these boys running around thinking they’re Christian Grey. Nolan is the last of a dying breed, and he’s the one I picked. I can’t go out and give myself to someone else just like that. Choosing Nolan was the same as imprinting on him. I belong to him now, and you belong to no one. So, don't try to make sense of things you can’t understand. Ibelongto him. Forever.”
Maddy places the tire iron on the end of the bed and takes a step toward me. I yank my leg back trying to get away, but the cuff around my ankle snaps tight, keeping me stuck in place. There’s nothing I can do but watch as Maddy stalks toward me, reaching across my body for the pillow Nolan went to sleep on last night. She clutches it tight in both hands, staring down at me with no emotion at all.
“Maddy …please,” I say, but I know it’s no use. She’s not going to stop, because it’s all too far gone now. She plotted it out in my own parking lot, and she has already managed to get inside my apartment and chain me to the bed. There's only one more task on her checklist now, and she’s in position to mark it off. It’s over.
“It’s really not your fault,” she says as she slowly climbs onto the bed and straddles me. “You were just the wrong journalist at the wrong time, sent to the wrong club. There’s a small part of me that’s sorry it has to be this way, but there’s a much bigger part that needs Nolan, and that part will do anything to have him. So, you have to go. Goodbye.”
“Please,” I say, but the rest of the sentence is snuffed out by Maddy slamming the pillow onto my face and pressing down with all of her body weight. I try to move my head to the side, but there’s just too much pressure. Maddy secures the pillow directly over my nose and mouth, and just like last night when Nolan was choking me, I can’t even get the smallest amount of air.
Maddy presses down on the pillow, and all of my panic fades away. I think about Nolan first, before my thoughts shift to Melissa and Teagan, who told me I’d regret succumbing to this lifestyle. I think about Octavia, and even Chase, who encouraged me to pursue the story but not to get too deep into it.
It’s funny what pops into your head when you’re dying, but as my world begins to fade away again, I find a sense of peace and acceptance. I stop thrashing my legs and arms, and let go. Hopefully, Nolan will be smart enough to know I didn't just drop dead the morning after he spent the night at my apartment, but that’s out of my control now. This is it. Goodbye, Nolan.
“Maddy, no!” a muffled voice shrieks. The sound echoes in my head like I’m in an empty hall, and I wonder if it’s even real. Have I died already? Where am I? What’s happening?
Suddenly, everything around me explodes back to life as Maddy and the pillow are yanked off of me. Light bursts back into view just as Nolan jumps on top of me and begins hitting the cuff on my left wrist with the tire iron Maddy put on the bed. He gets in three thwacks before the cheap cuff opens and he’s able to snatch it off and throw it to the floor, but as he moves to my right wrist, Maddy jumps onto his back and begins pummeling him in the head as she screams at the top of her lungs.
“Stop!” she bellows. “Leave her. She has to die. Fucking let me finish her. Stop it! This is for us!”
All I can do is watch as Maddy slaps and punches Nolan in the back of the head while she clings to his back like a monkey, shrieking in his ear as tears stream down her face. I’m terrified as the scene plays out in front of me because I’m helpless to do anything about it, and Maddy suddenly hops off Nolan’s back and charges for me. She launches herself at the bed and I raise my one free hand to protect my face as she brings her fist hammering down on top of me.
“Die, you fucking cunt! Die!” she screams, but she only gets off two hits before Nolan’s arms wrap around her waist and pull her off again.
The two of them stumble back, slamming against the wall and putting a hole in it as Maddy fights with all her might to get free. Nolan has no choice but to tackle her to the floor and drag her over to the other side of the room where a belt lies on the floor next to the radiator. He struggles to grab it because Maddy is fighting so fiercely, but she’s not strong enough to stop him.
Nolan pins her down with a knee on her chest while he curls the belt into makeshift handcuffs with a loop on each side. He secures the belt around a bracket on the radiator and shoves each of Maddy’s hands into a loop before cinching it all down. Maddy flails for a moment, until she finally realizes she can’t get free because the belt is too tight. She would have to use her teeth to gnaw at the buckle in order to loosen it, but she isn't calm enough and doesn’t have the energy. She stills, breathing heavily before she bursts into tears.
From the bed, I watch as everything finally calms down. Maddy sobs on the floor as Nolan gets up with worry and fear hanging from his face like a mask. He climbs onto the bed and places a palm on my cheek.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his eyes drowning in worry.
I shake my head. “No … I mean, yes. Physically I’m fine, but … I’m not okay, Nolan. It’s not okay.”
“I know. I’m so sorry,” he whispers as he places his forehead on mine and closes his eyes. “I shouldn't have left you alone. This is all my fault and I’m sorry.”
I don't know how to respond. All I can do is close my eyes and let the tears stream down my face. After a moment, Nolan kisses my forehead and gets up, returning to Maddy who has curled into the fetal position and is bawling on the floor. Nolan crouches down next to her and places a hand on her shoulder as she sobs.
“I’m so sorry it came to all of this, Madelaine, but at least now you'll get the help you need,” he says.
Nolan stays next to Maddy as he pulls out his cell phone and dials 911. He tells the operator everything that happened, and it only takes a few minutes before we hear sirens approaching.
Although I’m still cuffed to the bed, I breathe a sigh of relief, because after everything we’ve been through, it’s finally over. But, even with the end in sight, I’m too traumatized to think straight, and I don't know where Nolan and I will go from here. I don't know where I’ll go. I’m just happy it’s over.
