Page 31 of Ruin
14
HAVING A BIT OF AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS THERE?
SEBASTIAN
Annika sitson the couch in the office the next morning, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “So let me get this straight. Lily - the Lily that you claim is too pure and innocent for our world - snuck into the club night, witnessed an orgy and also the five of us doing unspeakable things to each other? Then, when you confronted her about it, she gave you a right old tongue lashing for acting like she’s too pure and innocent?”
“Correct,” I mutter.
I’ve been sitting with my face in my hands for about five minutes, wondering if it’s too early to drink. Given that it’s only 9am, I’m thinking it probably is, but it’s never too late to start an inappropriate drinking habit.
“This is gold,” Annika says, sounding far too amused.
I look up, narrowing my eyes as I eye her wide smile. “How on earth do you come to that conclusion?”
“Because it’s fucking perfect. You are clearly in love with her. She’s obsessed with you. But the pair of you seem to think the other is unattainable. But now it turns out she’s not thedoe-eyed innocent you believed her to be, and you are exactly the right amount of fucked up for her.”
Sometimes I wonder why I put up with this woman.
I straighten, my jaw clenched as I glare at her. “One - I am not in love with her, nor is she obsessed with me. Two - I have no intention of anything further happening here. She should not have been there. She had no idea that the colours of the masks have a significance, and it was sheer fluke that she grabbed the red one, which meant no one touched her. What if she’d stolen a black mask? Then it would have been a fucking free-for-all, because she is exactly the type of woman that any of those clients would eat alive if they thought she was up for absolutely anything.”
The image of Lily with her hair curled and wearing seductive makeup wearing nothing but a short t-shirt and G-string will forever be burned into my mind. But that corset and leather pants outfit that she’d been wearing downstairs? If that had been paired with a black mask, there was no telling how things would have gone. And I was too busy fucking my way through a room full of people to keep her safe.
Annika sighs before sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms. “Sebastian. I’m about to be real honest with you here. That woman is not someone who will allow herself to be wrapped in cotton wool for the rest of her life. She has asked so many questions about what goes on here since she arrived. People who think the way we live our lives is disgusting do not ask questions, they simply judge from atop their ivory towers. Lily has not once judged me or any of the others. She certainly hasn’t fucking judged you. So maybe you shouldn’t judge her.”
I raise an eyebrow. “I have never judged Lily.”
She cocks her head to the side, studying me closely. “Perhaps judged is the wrong word. But you’ve clearly placed her insome imaginary category in your mind. One that, it now appears, certainly doesn’t fit the person she is now.”
“So what are you proposing I do here, Annika? Allow her to attend club nights and get fucked into oblivion?”
She throws her hands up in the air. “Or, I don’t know, fuckingaskher what she wants instead of making decisions for her?! You’re so firm about all of us making our own decisions, and yet with Lily, you’ve taken it upon yourself to decide what is right for her. That’s not the Sebastian DeLuca I know. And it certainly isn’t the Sebastian DeLuca she needs - or wants - in her life.”
I’m stunned into silence as I process the words Annika has just thrown in my face. She watches me while I run through every interaction I’ve had with Lily since she blazed back into my life. And probably from when she was younger as well.
I’ve been so busy trying to protect her from the world I live in, and from her bastard husband, that I’ve gone and placed her in a figurative cage, keeping her from experiences that she apparently wants.
“Having a bit of an existential crisis over there?” Annika asks after a few moments of silence.
“It would appear so.”
She smirks. “Look, I might be a giant pain in the arse and have a tendency to overstep boundaries, but I see things that others don’t. Call it a gift. I saw it with Imogen when she was being stubborn about Cam. And I can see it with you and Lily. Just… talk to her, Sebastian.”
I let my head fall back and stare at the ceiling. “I wouldn’t even know where to start, Annika.”
She chuckles. “I think I like seeing you like this. Shows that you are actually human like the rest of us. Look, until you’ve worked out what you’re even prepared to do for her, just… let her come to you. But you can’t just ignore this. The cat is well and truly out of the bag, and now that she’s had a taste…”
I drag my gaze back to hers and put a hand up. “Do not finish that sentence, I beg you. I’m holding on by a thread here.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, wishing I could go back in time twenty-four hours and do everything differently. “I don’t think she wants anything from me, other than to let her experience things on her terms.”
Annika laughs, shaking her head. “You’re an idiot.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Excuse me?” She’s starting to push her luck.
But it’s obvious she doesn’t care, because she’s on a roll now. “She. Is. In. Love. With. You,” she says, punctuating each word by clapping her hands together. “And you’re an idiot if you think she wants nothing from you. And I know you’re not an idiot. So don’t act like one.”
I really wish I was having this conversation with Imogen. At least if she was being a complete brat like Annika, I could fuck the insolence out of her. But that isn’t the type of sexual relationship Annika and I have. Annika loves to antagonise, but she only allows the control to go so far and is likely to punch me if I tried pulling the whole “sir” act on her right now.
So, instead of things spiralling even further, I simply raise an eyebrow. “I think it’s time this conversation was over.”
