Page 80 of Ruin
Imogen chuckles and pats my cheek. “Do we need to set upanother foursome and handcuff you to the bed so you understand that she knows what she wants?”
“Don’t even fucking think about it, Miss Delphine,” I say gruffly, and her eyes flare with arousal.
Cam shakes his head. “Mate, do you need to fuck my girlfriend to try to run away from your feelings?”
I sigh. “As much as that sounds appealing, I can’t use sex as an escape like that. It would appear that I handle my fucked up emotions differently to how she does.”
“Hey!” Imogen protests.
Cam squeezes her thigh. “You know he’s got a point.”
She pouts, crossing her arms. “Still. Low blow,” she mutters.
Cam just laughs and pulls her into his side while looking at me over her head. “I know you’re all in your head about this, but you are making this a far bigger deal than it needs to be. It’s obvious that Lily has feelings for you. And from what I can tell, she isn’t stupid. So if she says she’s fine with everything… Maybe you should trust her?”
I sigh as I slide back up to sit upright, before leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. “I think I just need to go to bed and pretend that this whole night never happened.”
“That sounds very healthy and not at all emotionally stunted,” Cam says, and I glare at him as I get wearily to my feet.
“Good night, you giant pain in the arses.”
Cam grins at me, taking far too much enjoyment in the whole thing. “Good night,sir.”
I throw back the last of my whiskey and put the glass down on my desk. “I would like you to remember this moment the next time I’m fucking your arse.”
He just keeps on grinning as Imogen chokes on a laugh. “Oh don’t worry, I will.”
I walk out of the office, shaking my headwhen I hear him say to Imogen. “Well, that was fun. Guess he is a regular human after all.”
“Oh stop it, you massive shit stirrer,” she replies with a laugh.
While I’m glad she’s sorted out her own complicated feelings, I doubt mine are going to be resolved by a simple group sex session. Given two out of the four sexual encounters I’ve had with Lily have included other people, it definitely isn’t going to have the same outcome as it did for Imogen and Cam.
When I get upstairs, there are no lights on in our suite, and a mixture of relief and disappointment floods through me. Relief because I don’t think I have it in me to continue the conversation with Lily.
And disappointment because despite everything, I still always want to see her.
The fact that I’m mentally referring to it asoursuite is a sure sign that I’m in too deep.
It’s been so long since I’ve felt anything during sex, and now that one, brief moment has completely consumed me. For eight years, I thought I’d moved on from this woman. But the reality is, I’ve just been trying to forget her. And now… she’s burrowed even further beneath my skin and I don’t know how to get her out.
I move past her bedroom door and pause, torn between knocking or continuing on. I’m almost certain that she’s lying awake beyond the door, because her emotions would be just as confused as mine.
But I can’t bring myself to rehash everything again. It’s too raw. Too real.
She’s ruined me, just like I knew she would.
I force my feet to start moving and head for my bedroom. The sooner that the renovations for Lily’s suite are finished, the better. She needs her own space… And I need some distance.
36
SO MR DELUCA HAS FINALLY ADMITTED HE HAS FEELINGS
LILY
Early the next evening,my mind is still reeling from the events of last night. Having Sebastian flat out admit that he has feelings for me and that’s why he’s kept me at arms length for so long was not what I was expecting.
Despite the kiss we shared years ago, I never thought he felt anything more for me than friendship. I’d always assumed he was just emotional and had been confused about the idea of me marrying Joseph. That things in our lives would change. Even once he agreed to help me explore, I truly believed it would only be my feelings getting in the way, not his.
