Page 81 of Ruin
In Annika’s suite, I cling to a glass of wine as I lay it all out, giving her and Imogen the details of what happened last night. I’ve already thrown back two glasses, while she and Imogen are still on their first.
“Yeah, Imogen mentioned she’d found him brooding, but she didn’t give me any details,” Annika says, patting my leg as she sits beside me on the couch, shaking her head as she givesImogen a mock annoyed glare. “So Mr DeLuca has finally admitted he has feelings. Never thought I’d see the day.”
Imogen just smiles, shaking her head, her own glass of wine barely touched on the table beside her.
I groan, sliding down in my seat. “I’m pretty sure this is just going to make him push me even further away. I shouldn’t have pushed him into fucking me, but… I wanted him, dammit! Fucking other people has been amazing, don’t get me wrong.” I give Imogen a small smile, and she raises her glass towards me, before taking a sip. “But I needed his cock in the mix, too. And now that I’ve had it… God… Well, you both know, you’ve fucked that cock plenty of times.”
Annika grins. “I love that you’re just throwing words like ‘cock’ and ‘fuck’ around so casually now. Throw a ‘cunt’ in there and my work here truly will be done.”
I glower at her. “Not helping here, Annika.”
She shrugs. “So you’ve realised that the man you’ve lusted over for more than half your life actually has some pretty deep feelings for you, too? This doesn’t sound like a problem to me.”
“It’s a problem when the man in question seems to think that having feelings for me means I expect him to become someone he’s not. I’ve tried telling him repeatedly that I don’t expect anything from him. I don’t want him to give up sleeping with whoever he wants. I wouldn’t even expect to always be around when he does it. But he’s got it in his head that being with me means monogamy.”
“So… why not show him that you won’t be monogamous, either?”
I pause, studying her for a moment. “What… like, find someone else to sleep with? How would I even do that? I don’t go anywhere.”
She holds a hand to her chest. “Ah, what are we, invisible?”
It takes me a moment to catch on to her meaning. “What,one of you?” I look between them both, thrown by this sudden change in conversation.
Annika shrugs. “Or both of us.”
My mouth suddenly feels very, very dry.
Imogen sets her wine glass back down on the table. “Only if you want to.”
I let out a shaky breath. “What about Cam? I thought the agreement with him was just for Annika and Sebastian when he wasn’t around?”
She smiles softly. “After the other night, I mentioned to him that if you were open to playing again, I’d be up for it, if he was okay. And he agreed. I think he’s getting closer to seeking Sebastian out without me around, and he knew I enjoyed helping you explore your own limits.”
I throw my hands up in the air. “See, that’s what I want with Sebastian! Why can he not see that it is possible for it to be the same for us?”
Annika laughs. “Because you’re only seeing this end of it all. You should have seen Imogen before I set the wheels in motion for our little night of debauchery a few months ago. She’d convinced herself that Cam wouldn’t be okay with sharing her. It took her actually seeing it happen before her eyes to finally believe it.”
I bite my lip, uncertainty warring within me. “So if I play with you both, Sebastian will see that I’m okay with an open relationship?”
Imogen clears her throat, pulling my attention towards her. “Well, I’d like to hope that isn’t the only reason to play with us. You shouldn’t do anything just to keep him happy.”
I shake my head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound like that would be the only reason.”
“So… You want to, then?” Annika asks, shifting forward in her seat slightly.
They both watch me, their anticipation palpable in the air.
I swallow hard, trying to work out how to put my thoughts into words as I look between them both.
“I think… I am definitely interested in exploring that side of myself further. But at the moment… I have so many confused thoughts in my head, mostly because of your boss and the emotional whiplash he’s given me. I’d hate to rush into something with you ladies unless I know for certain that I’m ready for it. Emotionally, I mean. I know all of you are capable of keeping sex and emotions separate, and I think I’ll be able to do that eventually as well. But until I get a grip on whatever the hell this is with Sebastian and I… I worry I’d be rushing into that experience for the wrong reasons.”
I look from one to the other, willing them both to understand that it’s only because of my issues that I’m not jumping into bed with them.
“Of course.” Imogen squeezes my knee. “It’s always important not to go into these experiences for the wrong reasons.”
“And we’re all about consent here. Enthusiastic consent,” Annika adds, wiggling her eyebrows as she grins at me. “But just to be clear - I think you’re hot, and the second you’re ready, I’m all in.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “Thank you. I think you are both extremely hot as well.”
