Page 23 of His to Explore
More sounds like commitment. A man in my life again.
I don’t want more. Can’t do more.
Right?
“Deep breath for me,” he says calmly, continuing to run his thumb over my cheek. “Just relax and listen.”
I nod, trying to get my breathing under control.
“I’m not asking you for anything you don’t want to give,” he says. “I’m simply hoping to adjust our arrangement in a way that I think will be more beneficial to both of us.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m a Dominant, Kensie.” I nod, nearly rolling my eyes, because, duh. He smirks, knowing just what I’m thinking, but continues. “And you’re a submissive. I want to treat you the way I would normally treat my submissive.”
My stomach hollows out. I don’t know why, but I really don’t like the idea of him with other subs.
“Is it that different from the way you are with me?” I whisper, hoping he can’t hear how gutted I am.
“In some ways, yes. I let you set every scene.”
“I thought that was the point of our arrangement.”
He tilts his head. “The point was to help you explore your submissive side and figure out what you do and don’t like when it comes to sex.”
Of course, the waiter chooses that moment to appear with our desserts—because the universe clearly hates me. But Grant ignores my mortified blush, and the waiter entirely, keeping his hands exactly where they are on my face and body and neverdropping my gaze. The man arranges our plates and then leaves without a word.
“Don’t worry,” Grant murmurs. “This place is known for their discretion.” Before I can argue, he goes right back to what he was saying, as if we were never interrupted. “Helping you with those things has been an honor, Kensie, and not something I’d like to give up.”
“Okay…” I say slowly, still not really understanding what he’s getting at here.
“I think I can do a better job of helping you with your exploration if I behave more like myself—more like a Dom. In other words, I think it will be better for both of us if I have more control.”
I chew on my bottom lip. “Does that mean I won’t tell you my fantasies anymore?”
He tugs my lip from my teeth, eyes darkening. “Not at all. I always want to hear what excites you, what you’re curious about. But instead of you requesting that I meet you to enact a specific fantasy, you’ll trust me to call the shots.”
“So I wouldn’t know ahead of time what we’re doing?” That doesn’t sound too bad, actually. It’s a little exciting.
“Exactly. I’ll arrange where and when we meet and I’ll decide what we do.”
Heat begins to pulse in my stomach at the thought. Grant making plans for us. Grant surprising me. Grant incontrol. Yeah, I like that a whole lot.
“If something isn’t working for you, you can always tell me,” he continues. “That’s part of your job as a sub.”
I nod, ready to agree, but Grant isn’t done yet.
“You’ll also allow me to be your Dominant outside of our sexual scenes.”
I freeze. “What does that mean?” Because it sounds a lot like a relationship outside of sex. And that is definitely not what I signed up for.
“Domination and submission aren’t just in the bedroom, Kensie,” he tells me. “Being your Dom means I get to check on you, make sure you’re okay. It means you let me know how your day goes and accept my help.” I open my mouth to argue, but he places his thumb over my lips to stop me. “It doesn’t mean I’m your boyfriend, so you can stop that panicking right now.”
“It sure sounds like it,” I say against his thumb, sullen, and he laughs, giving my lips a little pinch.
“I have had many submissives over the years,” he says, and my stomach does that leaden thing again. “But I’ve never had a girlfriend. I do know the difference.”
“You’ve never had a girlfriend?”
