Page 46 of Safer Alone
I feel a tear escape my eye and as I raise my hand to quickly wipe it away, the daydream slips away. I hear Elliot speak. “Hey. Are you all right?”
I could never say that he isn’t the observant type. Even when driving a vehicle. He must be keeping his eyes on me. “Yeah. I’m perfectly fine. I was just having a daydream,” It slips out before I have a chance to stop it. Please Elliot, don’t push the subject, please, I think to myself.
“A good one?” he asks. No details Angela, just make a noise.
“Mmmhmmm”.
We sit in quiet for a moment, enjoying the feel of his hand in my own. I break the silence. “Do you want children, Elliot?”
I feel his hand tighten around mine. Immediately I regret it. As soon as the words are out of my mouth. This is a conversation for when you have been together for twelve months or more. Not on the first weekend you spend together. Way to ruin the feel-good moment, Angela. I wrack my brains, trying to think of some way to explain my question.
He stays quiet, and I worry even more so that I have crossed some sort of invisible line between us. He is still holding my hand, which has to be a good sign. Doesn’t it?
“Yes. I do want children. I love my niece and nephew. I enjoy spending time with them. One day, once I’m married to my soul mate, I would like to have one. Possibly more.” It is such a powerful and honest statement from Elliot. It really hits home for me.
He is expressing the same feelings that I have inside my heart. I had never wanted children with Dylan, not even considered it once. Even when we were super happy. And yet, here I sit after having a daydream today about having a family with this man sitting beside me. Someone who I have known for such an incredibly short amount of time.
It has to be the strong physical attraction between us. The way he makes me feel. I know that I am smiling. I can’t help it. His confession makes me so unbelievably happy. But I have to admit that deep down, it also makes me nervous.
~ Chapter Twenty-Five ~
The car ride is relaxing, even with having just had a conversation about kids. I find myself completely comfortable with this man, whether we are sitting beside each other in silence or filling the car with laughter and conversation.
Elliot points out the town hall. A beautiful historic building that was constructed in 1905. It’s evident that is has been built entirely in the Masonry style. It is made up of a three story vertical cube building, rusticated at the first story, and then topped with a clock tower, which was constructed many years later. It no longer serves as the town hall though, instead being used as a senior center. We drive past a couple of beaches. He calls out the names. Byram Beach; which also houses the only public pool in town. Island Beach; which was formerly known as Little Captain Island, opposed to Great Captain Island which has somehow been able to keep its name. He also points out where a couple of other famous people live in town. He spits out several names that I don’t know. I look closely at the houses of the homes of the people I do recognize. Ron Howard, you know, the guy who was in Happy Days. Adam Sandler’s mansion from when he lived in town. Judge Judy. I crack myself up at some of the cases that go through her courtroom. When we pull back into the Elliot’s own driveway, I compare his home to some of the others I have just seen. In my opinion, his is the nicest one here, and closest to my own taste.
We hop out of the car and make our way back into the main house. I wonder what we will be getting up to for the rest of the day while wandering through the great hall. That is, until we get to the kitchen. I immediately notice on the counter there is a wicker picnic basket and a large tartan blanket, perfectly folded. I turn to look at Elliot who shrugs, as though he didn’t plan this at all. I think it is incredibly romantic. What could be better than staying home, away from the prying eyes of everyone else. He picks up the items and we walk together outside, stepping into his expansive backyard.
“Will you walk with me?” he asks, simply. I nod, happy to be spending time with him. He takes my hand in his free one and we meander around the property for ten minutes or so, until we locate a lovely spot under a chestnut tree. He throws open the blanket, allowing it to flap in the light breeze, letting it float down onto the ground. I step toward the opposite side of the blanket and pull out the corners. It’s large enough to be a king bed sheet. Once the blanket is in place, Elliot places the picnic basket on the ground. Then we both sit down.
As Elliot opens the basket he retrieves a bottle of sparkling water and two wine glasses along with a cheese platter and a fruit salad that Andrew had no doubt prepared for us earlier. Proving that Elliot had somehow prearranged this. He pours some liquid into both of our glasses and returns the bottle to the basket after ensuring the lid is screwed on tight.
“Andrew sure knows how to put together a good picnic basket” I say, collecting a strawberry and biting into it, the juice trickling down my throat, so tasty.
“I’m offended. You don’t think I did this for us?” I raise my eyebrows in his direction, implying my thoughts without voicing them. He breaks first.
“Okay. He prepared it, but I suggested it.”
I give him a large smile. “It was a great idea. Thank you.”
“I come out here a bit actually. I lay under this tree and just think about work, about life, about everything, really.” He is looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes and I know that he has the power to completely undo me with just a look.
I take a sip of water to give myself some time to respond. “It’s a lovely spot.” He still hasn’t taken his eyes off me.
“It’s relaxing, Angela. I leave my phone inside and just lie here. It’s nice to not have any distractions.” I ponder this statement for a moment. Is he saying that I am a distraction?
“Would you like to be alone now?” I ask, hoping he doesn’t say yes.
“No, no,” he starts, grabbing my free hand with his. “I’ve always wanted to be able to share this spot with someone. Having you here with me is nice.” It is like he was simply stating a fact.
Elliot is giving me so much to think about that it is starting to make me feel dizzy. I decide the best course of action is to change topics. “So, what does someone usually buy for you for Christmas?” He looks surprised at my question.
“Having you here with me, Angela, will be a gift in itself.” He pauses. I see his Adam’s apple bob. “I’ve never celebrated Christmas with a girlfriend before” Once again I can’t believe my ears. He had told me last night that he had only had one girlfriend and that didn’t work out because she had cheated on him. But they had been together for years. So surely they had spent Christmas together. And then I had to think about the other surprising thing he just said. He called me his girlfriend.
“You were with your ex-girlfriend for a while, though. Surely you spent time together over the Christmas season.” I pressed for further information.
“Yes. We would often see each other during the Christmas season. But for me, Christmas Day is for family,” he said, as a way of a response. That doesn’t make sense. If it’s for family, then why am I invited?
“Then why invite me? I’m not family,” I simply respond. His face falls a little. I have hurt his feelings. In that moment I regret my directness. Maybe I needed to backtrack and make it all better. “I don’t mean to offend you, Elliot. Not at all. I’m just trying to see your way of thinking. You just told me that your ex-girlfriend wasn’t invited to Christmas dinner because she wasn’t family. And you were together for years. Yet, you invite me to spend a sacred holiday with you and your family and we have only known each other a couple of weeks.” I soften my voice with my apology, hoping that this will help with my request for further information.
