Page 47 of Safer Alone
“I never invited Yvette to my family dinners for one reason. Deep down I knew we weren’t going to last. And yet with you, I see you in my future, Angela. I never saw her that way. I am glad you will be coming for Christmas. I want to introduce you to my family.” He pauses, he isn’t finished, I can tell. He is looking at me, his face flushed with an emotion I haven’t seen before on him. I know it well in myself though, he is embarrassed. “As I sincerely hope that one day they will become your family, too, Angie.
I can tell he is speaking the truth, the way he sees it. If I am being completely honest with myself, then I need to admit that hearing this scares me a little. I mean, really, how could he possibly know after such a short amount of time spent together that he wanted me to be a part of his family. He hasn’t seen my dark side. He hasn’t experienced those days where I hate myself. He doesn’t know the real me, or about my past. I can’t do this. Can I?
He has been so forthcoming with information about himself over the past couple of days, more so than I could ever have imagined. I wonder if at all possible, what he had just told me could be true? Surely a man as successful as Elliot wanted something more than I can offer him. I have to say something. His eyes are looking at me expectantly. He is waiting for some sort of reply. I don’t know what to say. How does one respond to that?
“That’s a little scary,” I reply. Taking another sip of my water.
“Why is it scary, Angela?” he asks. “We are both adults here, I’m thirty-six and you are almost thirty. It’s not like we are teenagers discussing this with no life experience behind us.” he says. I knew that was coming. I mean why would I make an open-ended statement like that, leaving it wide open for a question. I figure, now is as good a time as any, I might as well rip the band-aid off. We have been enjoying ourselves for sure, but if we are just deluding ourselves, best we get back to reality now. Here comes Angela, Captain of the Obvious Train.
“Okay. Here’s the thing, Elliot. Maybe it’s escaped your notice but I live in Nashville, and you live here in Greenwich. Seeing each other on a regular basis is going to be near impossible. You have an empire to run, and no doubt more international travel for work purposes. I am a regular real estate agent. I live in a small one-bedroom apartment that I am still paying off. You have all of this.” I free my hand from his and wave my arm around at his magnificent property. “You have money. And finally, you’re astonishingly handsome and I’m just a plain Jane.” I finish my speech. Draining the last of the water from my cup. That was good, I stuck to the truth.
I start to stand up. He takes a hold of my hand again, stopping me in my tracks. “Why are you looking at all of the negatives, Angela? I’m so happy spending time with you and I think you’re enjoying the time with me too. It sounds as though you’re not even willing to try.” He is looking into my eyes, but I feel as though he is looking directly into my soul. He places down his drink on the blanket, letting go of my hand and takes my face in between his hands. “And don’t you ever, for even a second, believe you are anything short of beautiful. Because you are gorgeous, Angela.”
He had one point. I did enjoy spending time with him. I wasn’t going to admit that I was beautiful, though. I’m not conceding with him on that point, not at all. “I do enjoy spending time with you, Elliot, and I do want to try. I just can’t see how we can make it work.” I hear my voice crack on that last word.
“If we care enough about each other, it will work. We are both adults. All you have to do is try, Angela. I’ll fly to Nashville and I’ll pay for you to fly here. If not I’ll send my private jet, if need be. I can take time away from the office and work remotely. I want to give this a go.” He means it. I can hear it in his voice. He is willing me to believe it too. He leans in and kisses me on the mouth. A gentle kiss that I can tell he wants to deepen but he holds back. I kiss him too. I know he is doing this so we could both feel how good this is. When we touch, an electric current moves over my skin. Do I affect him the same way?
When we finally break apart, I whisper my response. “I’ll try Elliot.” And it’s true. I have never felt about a man the way I feel about Elliot Sands. I had only a few hours earlier had a wonderful daydream about a future with him. I will give it a month. I will see him a few times over the next four weeks with Christmas functions and some time off work. Maybe, just maybe we can make it work?
“You didn’t tell me what you want for Christmas? Do you like music?” This is hopefully a safe topic. He smiles, also glad to be away from the serious conversation we’ve just had.
“I do enjoy music, basically every type, apart from death metal. That is terrible” He adds, almost as an afterthought.
I can’t help but laugh. Death metal is horrible music in my opinion, too. Normally just a whole heap of screaming, almost unintelligible, accompanied by loud thumping music.
“Me too. Since moving to Nashville. I have found my love of country music has grown. I have even seen one of my favorite artists live in concert, in June this year.” I am remembering watching Rascal Flatts performing at the country music festival. I have loved them way before I moved to Nashville. Listening to their first album back when I was still in high school. I’m not going to tell Elliot that James had gone with me, also being a huge fan of the band. Not with Elliot’s tendency to get jealous at the mention of another man spending time with me.
“I’ve been to a couple of concerts myself. An orchestra symphony in Italy was probably the standout memory for me.” I can tell that he is remembering it in his mind, as his eyes are slightly glazed over. A memory that he must hold dearly. Trust him to compare my local Nashville concert to a symphony orchestra in Italy. The ticket must have cost him several thousand Euros. It makes me think of my mother for a moment, as she absolutely loves the opera and any performances that are of that type.
“Okay then. Music. That’s a good idea for me to look at for you, then” I am more than likely going to compile a playlist of my own and pop that onto a CD for him. That way he can listen to it when I’m not around and hopefully encourage him to think of me.
He reaches over to brush a loose strand of my hair away from my shoulder, and in doing so lifts my necklace in between his fingers. “Was this a gift from someone special?” he asks.
I look down and see that I am wearing my small gold heart pendant from my parents. I smile. “Yes, it is actually. My parents gifted it to me for my twenty-first birthday.”
He smiles too and releases it. “It’s lovely.”
I pluck a piece of cheese between my fingers and place it on top of a biscuit, before popping it into my mouth. It had quite a bite to it. It must be an old cheese. Something aged by quite a few years. I enjoyed the taste. I then pull a grape free from the bunch and pop it into my mouth. When I bite into it, juice flows freely into my mouth.
I notice that Elliot has not eaten anything during our time outside. I place a piece of cheese onto a biscuit like I had eaten a moment ago, and lift it to the edge of his lips, willing him to open his mouth for me. He does and I place it inside whole. I can see him chew and swallow, smiling once he has finished. “Delicious.”
We refill our glasses and sip on our water while nibbling at our platter for another hour or so. We speak freely about a few of our preferred things. I learn that besides roast lamb he also enjoys a good spaghetti marinara. He thinks that he eats way too much chocolate, and he loves to travel
I agree wholeheartedly with the chocolate addiction. Adding that I enjoy spaghetti myself and that I haven’t traveled much at all, only inside of our great nation, America.
“Do you have a passport?” he asks.
I shake my head, indicating that I don’t.
“You should get one. I travel overseas for business several times a year. Maybe you can arrange to have some time off during one of my trips and we can make it a holiday too, so it’s not just all work and no play?” he suggests.
I nod in response. “Sounds great.”
I wonder where he ventures to on his business trips. He told me that he had been to Australia before and he was in London only this week. If he was going to older countries then surely the remainder of the United Kingdom was in the cards and possibly even France. I had always wanted to go to England and Scotland. Walk around the castles, along the corridors where famous kings and queens had walked centuries ago. There is just so much history; those countries are thousands of years old.
Once we have finished our picnic, we pack it away and start to wander back toward the house. It is a relatively warm day for December. As we pass the pool, I imagine swimming with Elliot in the warmer months. Here I was, thinking about next time. I clearly am in over my head. My feelings already too well developed. I am thinking about a future with Elliot.
As we enter the home, I glance quickly at my watch, it is 3:50 pm and that means we only have this afternoon and evening together before I head home tomorrow. It makes my heart ache slightly. It also reminds me that I should ask about my flight tomorrow.
