Page 28 of Cheater and the Saint
8
Saint
“It’s your own damn fault,” Chris said, giving me an unsympathetic look. “You could’ve gone with him, but you said no. If he’s out fucking some bimbo right now, which he probably is, you have no right to bitch.”
“Did you miss the part where I said I had a panic attack the last time I went to that place?” I asked, fighting the urge to click out of the video chat. It was the modern-day version of slamming the phone down on someone who pissed you off, I guess. “I hate clubs. And bars. And basically any place where people act like jackasses and get drunk.”
“Look, I get that,” Chris said with more care in his tone. “But you can’t stay inside your little hovel, complaining about being lonely and not meeting anyone, and then do nothing to change that. You have to put yourself out there to get what you want.”
“I’m not surewhatI want,” I responded with a shake of my head. Instantly, my hand came up and I chewed on my thumbnail. Such a disgusting habit, but I couldn’t stop it sometimes. “Plus, Leo and I’vejuststarted talking again. He doesn’t even know I’m into him.”
“That’s why you tell him, dumbass.”
“So he can what? Laugh at me? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly his type. I’m not anyone’s type.”
“In case you haven’t noticed,” Chris mocked. “You’re too hard on yourself. So what if you’re a little weird and bite your nails?” His words made me realize I was doing it again, and I quickly dropped my hand. “I doubt he’d laugh at you, King. Whether you choose to believe it or not, you’re a good lookin’ guy. Not in an in-your-face kinda way, but you are.”
“Pretty sure that’s just another way of saying I’m ugly.”
Chris laughed. “Keep thinking that way, and you’ll grow old alone and die with a million cats.”
“I don’t have a cat.”
“Oh, but you will, King. Those felines will smellaloneanddesperateon you and come flocking to your door.”
“You’re such an asshole.”
It was really late his time, so we talked a few more minutes before he went to bed. I was happy to finally say bye to him. He was my best friend, but his tough love speeches hurt sometimes. Even though he was right.
Midnight came and went, and I was no closer to sleeping. I kept imagining what Leo was doing… who he was doing. I had no right to be jealous. He didn’t know I was gay.That’show closed-off I’d been with him. Yet, it didn’t stop the evil green monster from rearing its ugly head anyway.
I shut off the lamp and lay in bed, trying to force myself to get tired. Too much was on my mind, though.
When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see a good-looking guy. I saw someone who had too pointy of a nose, too thin of a top lip that offset the bottom one, and not enough muscle, even though I worked out some and swam a lot.
I wasn’t classically handsome like Leo.
He’d never want me.
I hadn’t always been so insecure, and once upon a time, I’d actually liked the way I looked. That was before Chase and that stupid party. Before I was built up, just so they could tear me down, brick by brick, and leave me bare and vulnerable.
The front door opened and closed.He’s getting home earlier than normal. When he went out, he usually didn’t get home until three or later.
I listened as footsteps came down the hall, trying to hear if there was more than one pair of feet. Not that it was any of my business if he’d brought someone home. It wouldn’t be the first time, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.
I jolted when there was a knock on my door.
That… well, thatwasdifferent. He wouldn’t be knocking on my door if he’d brought someone with him.
“Frosty, I know you’re awake.” Another tap sounded. Then a soft thump, as if he’d rested his head against the door. “Can I come in?”
He was slurring his words. I didn’t know what he wanted, and a part of me didn’t want to find out. An even bigger part of me, however, the one that had a small, stupid crush on him told him to come in.
The door cracked open and in came a stumbling Leo. Instead of standing in the doorway, he walked farther into the room and shut the door behind him. Then, we were alone together in the dark, and I still didn’t know what the hell was going on.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, finding my voice behind the nerves.
“Yeah. No. Fuck. I don’t know. Hey, that rhymed.” Leo chuckled and came even closer, sitting on the edge of my bed.
