Page 47 of Chance
“Chance thinks I’m nothing too.He told his mom that I’m nothing.First, I was a whore, and now, I’m nothing.Always nothing, never anything.”
“No, baby,” I choked out.“I didn’t mean it like that.You’re everything, peaches.”
She wasn’t listening, though.Her eyes closed, her breathing evening out.Dropping her head onto my shoulder, she completely stopped moving.A new panic took root.Was she okay?Had I hurt her?
“Don’t worry, she just fell asleep,” Everly said, blowing out a relieved breath, stroking her hand over Evie’s tangled hair.“That’s what usually happens afterward.She’s going to feel like she has a hangover in the morning.We all are.”
“Should I carry her to bed?”Everly nodded, and I stood with Evie in my arms, following her into the bedroom.Reid was still outside talking to the cops, but the front door was open.
Placing Evie in the middle of the bed, I reluctantly straightened, but I didn’t make a move to leave.I couldn’t.Fuck, I wasn’t sure if I could ever leave this girl again.Everly tucked a blanket up over her sister, not rushing me out the door.
“What she said the other day when she was upset—” Everly lifted her eyes to me as I spoke “—about killing herself.I thought that was just an emotional bomb people throw out to catch attention.”
She was quiet for a long moment, her hands restlessly tucking and retucking the blanket.“That’s her story to share, Chance.”
“But it did happen.”
Her silence was louder than any verbal answer she could have given.I swallowed the lump that kept filling my throat.“I-I’d appreciate it if you let me stay.Just tonight.I’ll go as soon as she starts to wake up.”
After a small hesitation, she nodded.“I’ll be in the living room with Reid.Keep the door open.The door always has to be open, Chance.No exceptions.Do you understand?”
All I could do was nod.
Once she was gone, I carefully crawled in behind Evie, tucking her gently against me.Pressing my lips to the back of her head, I closed my eyes but didn’t sleep.I replayed her words from earlier.What had happened with my mom both times she’d seen her, my stupid nonactions.
I’d fix it, though.I’d make it right.
If she’d let me, I’d spend the rest of my life cherishing her the way she deserved, showing her that she was my everything.Not nothing.Never fucking nothing.
“I love you, peaches,” I whispered into her hair.
Evie
Embarrassment clungto me the next morning.Reid had apologized so many times, I’d lost count.It was sweet of him to care so much, but there was no need for him to feel bad.He hadn’t known what would happen, and I’d already been fighting a losing battle with my inner demons.
If I’d treated the symptom—that damn numbness—it might never have happened.Instead, I’d buried my head in the sand and pretended like everything was okay.
When I woke up the next morning, I got ready for work.My throat was on fire, my voice barely a rasp, so I didn’t argue when Evy attempted to talk me out of going to Sanctuary.But I had a purpose now.It wasn’t just about wanting to feel useful at the shelter.There were resources offered—not just for the residents, but for the staff as well—that I was going to take advantage of.
Dr.Cainfield was seated at her desk when I knocked on her door later that afternoon.I’d double-checked with Gracie that it was okay if I spoke with Sanctuary’s psychologist, and she’d reassured me that all the staff were encouraged to utilize every service available because everyone’s mental health was important to her.
After my stay in the hospital back in Seattle, I’d continued with therapy, but it had been a few weeks since I’d spoken to a professional.With William’s voice only getting louder, and then the panic attack the night before, I knew it was necessary to seek help now.Before I lost what little control I’d been able to maintain.
Lifting her head, Dr.Cainfield gave me a small smile and waved me in.“Evie, it’s a pleasure to officially meet you.Come in and have a seat.I was hoping we might get to chat soon.”
I hesitated at the door.“Do you have time for me?I don’t want to be a bother.”
“There is always time, dear.Close the door…” She trailed off, noting my sudden paleness.“Or we can chat with the door open.It’s more than fine.Whatever you are comfortable with.”
Leaving the door open, I crossed to one of the chairs in front of her desk.“I’m sorry to just drop in like this.But I’ve…I’ve been in crisis the last few days.Last night…” I swallowed, cleared my throat, tried to make my voice stronger.“I need help.”
She stared at me for a short moment before standing.“How about a walk?It’s a beautiful day out.I’m in need of some fresh air.”
“O-okay.”Instead of a window, she had a set of double doors that led out into a garden.
“I hold our group therapy out here once a week.Vitamin D is essential to good mental health care,” she explained as we walked by beautiful rosebushes then a small group of sunflowers.
Tipping my head back, I soaked up the heat of the sun, breathing in the clean air, taking a moment to center myself.It took me a few tries, but once I started talking, it all spilled out of me.My past and present colliding.The numbness.William’s constant berating, even in death.
