Page 48 of Chance
And Chance.
“I-I don’t want to be nothing to him.”My voice was barely a whisper, nothing left but a scratchy sound when I spoke after the abuse I’d subjected myself to the night before.“But also…I think I was being unfair.All my life, I was emotionally manipulated by a narcissist.And looking back on the times Chance and I argued, I think… Ugh, I think I was doing it to him.I think I kept turning things around, to make him the bad guy and cause him pain.That kind of person, that’s not who I am.It’s not who I want to be.”
“I’m not making excuses for you, Evie, but dear, you don’t actually know hownotto be that person.That you recognized it for yourself, that you want to correct that behavior, is a positive sign.We can focus on that in our future sessions.”
For the past hour, we’d made several loops around the garden outside her office.I needed to get back to work, and she had patients to see.But talking to her helped, a little.“One day at a time, Evie.One moment and then another.That’s how we all get through the hard parts.You’ve come a long way in a short amount of time.Give yourself some grace.Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, when you’re feeling it.”
After work, I stopped at Aggie’s for a Diet Coke.There was something about fountain Diet Coke that hit differently.Dropping a ten-dollar bill on the counter, I grabbed my to-go cup and turned, only to walk into a brick wall.An apology was already on my lips when I looked up into the brown eyes of Vaughn.
He steadied me, then dropped his hands, his intelligent eyes scanning me.“Are you well, Evie?”
“It sometimes feels like you’re a robot when you speak like that, Vaughn.”
“So my sister tells me.”He looked at me, waiting.“Are you well?”
“I’m good.”
He nodded.“I’m glad.Abi was concerned, as was Samara.”
Taking a sip of my drink, I stared at him for a moment, curiosity eating at me.“Why were you keeping tabs on William?”
“You know why.His particular line of work is abhorrent.”It was my turn to look at him, waiting for him to elaborate.He didn’t.
“But why?What made you go after people in his ‘line of work,’ as you say?”
He stretched his arm out to his left.“Let me walk you to your car, Evie.This appears to be a conversation you’re determined to have.”
Outside, he didn’t waste time.I was sure he had other things that needed his attention.A dark-web kingdom didn’t rule itself.“My hobby didn’t start for noble reasons.I was raised by a couple who wasn’t much better than the people they claimed to want to save the world from.Taking down one ring doesn’t magically eliminate the problem.Someone else is always eager to fill a demand.I was never attempting to save the world, Evie.”
“Yet you are,” I argued.
“The world can get fucked,” he said with a shrug.“I continue to do what I do for one reason and only one reason.Abi.People like William are a threat to her, to our children.To people my wildfire cares about.With each ring I shut down, the world grows a little safer for her to exist in.For a few minutes.Until the next person steps in to fill the demand.”
“There will always be a William out there,” I murmured.
“Unfortunately, yes.”
I bit my lip.“How can I help you stop the other Williams of the world?”
“You cannot stop them, Evie,” he said, almost tenderly, apologetically.
“There has to be something I can do.Even though I wasn’t aware of what William was doing, I feel responsible.It’s a weight I can’t shake off, Vaughn, and it’s freaking choking me.Every day.”My thoughts raced.“I have money.Lots and lots of money.Let me fund your projects.”
“Money is not necessary for what I do.”
“But you took money from my sister,” I reminded him.
“As a precaution and a life lesson so she wouldn’t be tempted to do something so stupid again,” he explained.
“You have to let me help!”I demanded, stomping my foot, frustrated.Ugh, Sammy was right.He was so annoying.“You can’t save my life and then expect me to waste that life sitting around doing nothing.I could be an asset.You haven’t even given me a chance yet.”
“Okay, if you want to help so much, figure out somewhere to take the victims after that are rescued.”
“Survivors,” I corrected.
“The survivors,” he amended stoically.“Figure out a safe place to house them until they can be returned home.When the authorities get involved, they end up in detention camps or halfway houses or worse—homeless because many of them were picked up off the streets.Create a plan, and then we will speak of this again.”
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