Page 35 of Lusting for the Duke's Kiss
If she were successful, then she would be a divorcee. The first divorcee in her district. No other lady that she knew of had ever taken such a step before. It was instant social death, even more than being abandoned.
Most couples who could not live together as man and wife, for whatever reason, never officially divorced. And they were few and far between, anyway. Most people stayed together, even if they were unhappy. Even if the lady was miserable and treated abominably because the price of freedom was simply too high.
I shall be a divorcee, she thought, turning the word over in her mind. A shamed woman. A fallen woman.
She took a deep breath, trying to quell the unease in her chest. It was worth it, if she could be free of Frank Blackmore, once and for all, and right the wrong that had been done to her. Besides, if she was successful, Louis had promised to marry her, straight away. They would travel to Gretna Green so that they didn’t have to post the bans. She would only be a divorcee for a very little while, after all.
She thought of the alternative. The divorce could be denied. And instead of dealing with the shame of being a divorcee, she would be forever known as Mrs Blackmore and never able to marry Louis, at all. Her heart clenched at the very thought of it.
He claimed that he loved her, had always loved her, and would wait for her forever. But how long could he be expected to do such a thing if this petition was not successful? They could appeal, and appeal again, but still, it might never happen. He would be wasting his life, and his youth, on her. Because she knew that she could never live with him, as his mistress.
And he had Ben to think about. The young boy needed a mother. Would it be kinder, if it dragged on indefinitely, to simply set Louis free, and let him love again? Her heart ached at the very thought of it, but she had to face that prospect, as well. She would not let him give up his life for her. It would be too cruel.
She knew that there was no possibility of joining a convent now. Not since they had declared their love for each other. Come what may, she was committed to him, and would not run away to escape the scandal.
He had made a woman out of her. He had loved her and touched her most profoundly, bringing her to life. A life that she could just glimpse, over the horizon. Was it truly possible that they could get there? That there was a rainbow, just for them, shimmering with colour, leading them to that pot of gold? Or were they destined never to be together?
***
The next day, he came thundering through the gates of Hillsworth House on his horse. Before she could even get to the door, he burstthrough it, his eyes anxiously scanning the room. When he saw her, he strode to her, not even bothering to take off his hat.
“Is it true?” he whispered, his eyes searching her face. “Has a date been set for the hearing?”
She nodded. “It is true,” she answered, her heart quickening. “How did you know?”
He smiled wryly. “Your father sent me a letter, by urgent messenger,” he said, taking off his hat and throwing it on the hallstand in the corner. He was peeling off his gloves, too. “I received it just this morning. I had to come to you …”
She bit her lip. “I am glad that you are here,” she whispered. “How is Ben?”
His smile widened. “Sitting up in his bed, demanding cake,” he said, rolling his eyes. “His sniffles are gone, as is his cough. He shall be tearing around the nursery before the day is out, I shouldn’t wonder.”
She smiled. “I am glad to hear it,” she said, a little wistfully. “I wish that I could be there, with him …”
“He misses you,” said Louis. “Only yesterday, he asked when Hetty is coming back. You made an impression on him in the short time you were at Warwick Manor.” He paused. “But that is no wonder. You make an impression wherever you go, my love.”
She blushed, inordinately pleased to hear that Ben missed her. She had spent hours with the small child in the few days she had been at Warwick Manor. One morning, she had taken him on a short walk through the gardens, stopping to pick up a ladybug, smiling at the look of complete wonder on his face. Another day, they had played with his toy soldiers on the nursery floor, setting up a battlefield.
He was a sweet child with an infectious laugh. Sometimes, he could be stubborn and wilful, as his father had said. Once, he had thrown himself to the ground, kicking and screaming, because he had been denied a sweet. But on the whole, he was good-natured. It was easy to see that he was adored by everyone around him. His father, and his nanny, and all of the servants.
“Oh, Louis,” she said, her heart thumping. “Do you think it is ever going to happen? That we can legally be together, and become a family?”
He gazed at her steadily. “Of course it will happen,” he said slowly. “How can you doubt it?”
But, to her appalled surprise, she suddenly burst into tears, running away from him. She felt like her heart was about to break.
***
He followed her outside to the garden, intercepting her, twisting her around. She almost collided with him.
“Hetty,” he said, frowning. “Why are you crying?”
She sighed heavily, sniffling, as she hastily wiped away her tears with her lace handkerchief. “I do not rightly know,” she said, in a sad voice. “It is just so hard, I guess. The chances are slim that they will grant me the divorce.” She paused, gazing at him. “And I cannot bear the thought that we cannot be together. Not after it has taken me so long to realise how much I love you.”
His face twisted. “Hetty, you must have faith,” he said quietly. “I have it. And besides, I will wait for you, even if they do not grant it this time. We will appeal it, and appeal it again if need be. Eventually, we will be a family …”
She gasped. “Louis, I cannot do it to you,” she said, her face stricken. “Please, promise me that if this does not work, that you shall forget all about me. That you will move on, and love again, and give Ben the mother that he deserves …”
He looked at her, shocked. “How can you say such a thing? I will not marry anyone, but you. Do you think I am so shallow that I will give up on us at the first hurdle? That I would simply shrug my shouldersand marry the next pretty lady that I see?”
