Page 36 of Lusting for the Duke's Kiss
She sobbed, pressing herself against him. Even hearing the words, made her heart break. The thought of him courting someone else was torture for her. But she had to be strong and make her point.
“I know that you are not shallow,” she whispered against his chest. “I know that you will stand by me, through thick and thin.” She gazed up at him beseechingly. “I just do not wish to be a burden to you. I do not wish you to waste your life on a love that can go nowhere. A love that can never be …”
“It is my life to waste,” he declared fiercely, staring down at her. “And if I choose to waste it, loving you, then I would consider it time well spent. Do not push me away, Hetty. Not now, after all that it has taken, for us to be as one mind.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. If only she had never married Frank Blackmore. If only they had courted before she had ever met the man. Why was life so cruel?
She had met the love of her life at the Farnham’s ball all those years ago. They could have been happily married, all of this time. It was only a twist of fate that they had lost each other. She knew now that they had always been meant to be together …
But suddenly, she stopped herself, going along that train of thought.If they had married, all those years ago, then Ben would not be here. It had been meant to happen the way that it did.
Fate worked in mysterious ways. And she had to believe, once and for all, that they were fated to be together now. Shemustbelieve it, or else, what was it all for?
***
He came to her that night after the house had retired for the evening, sneaking through her chamber door, a candle held high in his hand.
They didn’t say anything. He simply took her in his arms, kissing her passionately. She received his lips like a prayer. And then, he led her to the bed, her arms twined around him.
“Will it be alright?” she whispered, wanting so hard to believe it.
“Yes,” he whispered back. “We will be together, Hetty. Nothing will ever tear us apart.” He gazed at her. “I want to make love to you. I want to so badly that it hurts. But to show how committed I am to you, and how much I believe that wewillbe married, one day, I am willing to wait. I will not make love to you, in full, until our wedding night, my darling.”
She felt a lump form in her throat. “You would do that for me?”
He nodded, his green eyes intense in the darkness. “I would do that for you. I will do it for both of us. I hope that you want it as much as I do.”
She blushed. “I … I do, want to make love to you,” she whispered. “I never thought that I would say those words. But you have shown me that the physical side of love, between a man and a woman, can be wonderful.” She hesitated, her eyes shining. “I am looking forward to our wedding night, so much …”
He kissed her again, pushing her back onto the mattress, gently. “We may not be able to fully make love,” he whispered against her cheek, “but luckily, there is so much more that we can do besides …”
Suddenly, they stilled, hearing a creaking in the hallway. A pool of light from a lantern or a candle bobbing through the cracks in the door. He gazed down at her, regretfully.
“I think I should go,” he whispered. “It isn’t safe to visit you like this. Any of the servants could notice.” He paused, frowning. “We must be careful, Hetty. We do not want there to be any talk that we have been together intimately. Someone might report it to the court, and it would compromise you. Youarestill a married woman, after all.”
She nodded, but inside, she was devastated. She wanted him to holdher for just a little while longer. She knew that they could not make love, that Louis was saving that as a promise that they would eventually be married. But they could do other things. They could kiss, and he could touch her, and make those wild sensations sweep over her, once again.
But slowly, she came to her senses. He was right. Shewasstill a married woman, even if it was in name only. But in the eyes of the law, she was committing adultery by even kissing Louis. If even a whisper of their intimate relationship got to the court, it could ruin everything.
That Frank was living with his mistress in sin, and they were expecting a child together, would be as nothing compared to the onslaught of abuse that would be heaped upon her. They would probably stone her if they got the chance.
It was a man’s world, where the law was concerned. She burnt with the injustice of it. But there was simply nothing she could do to change it. And so, they must be very, very careful. It might mean the difference between getting the divorce and not getting it.
He stared into her face. “It will not be long until we can be together, my darling. You must believe that.”
She tried to smile before kissing him good night. He crept out of her room as silently as he had entered it, closing the door firmly behind him.
She sighed, sliding down into the bed, staring at the wall.
She just wished that it was all over. She just wished that she knew either way what was going to happen. Whether she would end up marrying the love of her life, or whether she was doomed to forever be alone.
Louis might be waiting an awfully long time to finally make love to her. The promise that it would only happen on their wedding night seemed slightly ominous. She pictured them, old and grey, denying themselves through the years until they could officially wed. Would she have to leap over Frank’s grave to make it possible?
Despite what he said, he could not wait forever. She could not deny him the right to marry and provide a mother for Ben. And he was still young, able to have other children, as well. He would be giving up such a lot for her. It was too much. Way too much.
She took a deep breath. She would know very soon if this petition were successful. And if it weren’t, then she would make a decision, then. A decision for both their sakes.
He would never let her go. She knew that he would keep his promise, and stay by her side, forever if necessary. But she was simply not willing to force him to do that.
