Page 42 of Healing the Duke's Desires
She felt like she was not walking but rather floating a few inches above the polished marble floor as she easily navigated the corridors, finding her way back to the main hall. As soon as she entered it, she was relieved to see that no one paid any attention to her. They all seemed immersed in their own conversations, including both her mother and father, who stood in different groups.
At the other end of the hall, Emily could see Sarah and Henry huddled together, every part of their bodies doing the talking—their eyes, their lips, their hands, as if there was so much to say that mere words would never be enough. Emily smiled, not wanting to interrupt them as she headed to the refreshments table, in hopes that a cold lemonade would be able to extinguish at least some of the fire that still burned inside of her.
***
Alexander’s lips burned long after Emily had closed the door, leaving him alone. Her presence was still palpable in the air around him, and in the palms of his hands, the ghost of her lingered. He took a deep breath, fighting the urge to run after her.
He hoped that with the passage of time, things would crystallize in his mind as well as his heart. But it seemed that exactly the opposite was happening. He was torn between the longing to follow Emily, to embrace the passion that had ignited between them, and to remain forever alone as he had planned on doing.
He shook his head, raking his fingers through his hair. He paced the room for a few moments, feeling like a caged animal, his steps echoing in the mournful silence. Each one was heavy, as if an effort to move an entire mountain. After perhaps a minute or two, which felt like an eternity, he steeled his resolve.
With a determined exhalation, he moved to the door, resting his hand on the doorknob. He closed his eyes briefly, collecting his thoughts before he turned the handle and stepped out into the corridor. The hallway stretched before him, empty and hushed, a canvas for the emotions that churned within him.
As he exhaled deeply, lost in contemplation, the sound of approaching footsteps reached his ears. He straightened, his attention shifting toward the source of the sound. Despite all common sense, a part of him hoped it was Emily, deciding to return. To his surprise, Caroline rounded the corner, her eyes widening as she stumbled upon Alexander.
“Alexander?” Her voice carried a hint of astonishment, her gaze flickering between him and the corridor around them as if this was the last place on earth they should have bumped into each other. To be quite honest, he didn’t even know she was in attendance, but it would be reasonable to assume so. “I thought I saw you upon arrival, but I wasn’t sure. Already had enough of the musicale?”
Her words were trying to penetrate through a thick fog of confusion that had been clouding up his mind. And they were unsuccessful in doing so. He was still lost in his reverie with Emily, with reality breaking all the walls around him, pulling him back.
“No.” He shook his head, his composure returning as he made sure to keep an appropriate distance from her, in case someone saw them conversing alone in the corridor. He didn’t want to be here withherof all people. “I was actually on my way back.”
He hoped the conversation would end there. For him, that would have been enough. After all, what on earth did they have to talk about now? They were worlds apart, and he wanted to keep it that way.
Caroline’s lips curved into a sly smile, her eyes lingering on him in a way that made him feel uneasy. “Back from where?”
He met her gaze with measured composure. “Just needed a moment to myself.”
“Ah, yes.” She smiled knowingly. “I remember that you don’t like balls much. Too many people. But I also remember that you liked to… seek solitude with me on such occasions.”
His irritation simmered beneath the surface, but he maintained his poise. “That was a long time ago, Caroline. In fact, it was so long ago that I barely remember it.”
Her first reaction to his words was a wrinkling of her forehead and the knotting of her perfectly arched eyebrows. However, a moment later, her laughter rang through the corridor. “Oh, I was merely teasing. You seem to have lost your sense of humor, dear Alexander.”
Neither of those two things was true. He had not lost his sense of humor, and he was not herdear.But it would be futile to delve into such a ridiculous conversation.
“Maybe you are tired from all that… solitude,” she kept teasing him in such a way that he couldn’t tell whether she was merely doing so out of some strange sense of satisfaction or if she knew that he had sneaked off after Emily. He could not have cared less if it was the first reason. But the second… that could create trouble.
“One could never get tired of solitude,” he pointed out. “If you knew me, you would know that much about me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I do believe that Rose is waiting for me,” Alexander told her, ready to leave.
“Speaking of Rose, she truly played wonderfully, didn’t she?” Caroline pretended not to have understood his hint, which, truth be told, was not even that subtle.
“Yes.” He nodded.
Caroline’s voice dropped to an almost conspiratorial whisper. “There were so many wonderful performers this evening.”
His eyebrows locked. “Isn’t that the point of a musicale?”
She laughed again, a sound that was both knowing and somehow mischievous. “Of course. I see that I was wrong. You haven’t lost your sense of humor, and I’m very happy to see that.”
Alexander’s patience was wearing thin. He wanted to go back where his swirling thoughts would be hidden by an onslaught of other people’s opinions. He glanced to the end of the corridor, willing himself to stay composed. Looking at Caroline now, he wondered how on earth he could have ever fallen in love with such a woman? He attributed his weakness to his youth and lack of wisdom.
“Caroline, I really should be going,” he told her with as much patience as he could muster.
“Well, if you were gone for a long time, I do believe you should hurry along,” she said playfully, her eyes gleaming. “I shan’t keep you any longer.”
With a final, lingering smile, Caroline turned and sauntered away, leaving Alexander alone with his thoughts and suspicions. It was obvious that she still had feelings for him. Or perhaps it was merely regret over something that could have been. In the end, it did not matter. What mattered was that he needed to make a decision regarding his own life and the path he would take.
He leaned against the wall, his frustration more palpable than ever. Then, without thinking, he hurried back, welcoming the bright sights and the sounds of people’s chatter that immediately pulled him into the vortex. He welcomed the distraction, although deep down, he knew it was only temporary. He would not be able to live in this limbo forever.
