Page 43 of Healing the Duke's Desires
Chapter 25
The incomplete portrait of Emily rested on the easel. Strokes of lovingly chosen colors captured her essence to perfection—the deep aquamarine blue of her eyes, the blooming rose blush of her cheeks, the soft curve of her jaw, but her face was still incomplete, much like the emotions that tormented him.
Unable to resist the temptation, his fingers reached for her eyes, tracing the outline of the blueness he wanted to sink into, never to surface for air again. Although it was Emily’s eyes that stared at him from the canvas, Amelia’s memory still hung heavily over him. Guilt gnawed at him, an unwelcome visitor that threatened to overshadow his burgeoning feelings for Emily. He had loved and lost, and the fear of betraying that memory held him captive.
With a frustrated sigh, he stepped back from the canvas, his conflicted thoughts rendering him unable to continue. He stood at a crossroads, torn between honoring his past and embracing his present.
Just then, there was a knock on the door.
“Yes?” he called out, usually irked by distractions while he was painting, but now he welcomed it.
The door opened and Mr. Stirling appeared. As usual, his presence brought a momentary break from Alexander’s inner struggle.
“I apologize for the intrusion, Your Grace,” Mr. Stirling announced apologetically, “but Her Grace the Dowager Duchess of Ravenswood and Lady Rose are here for you. They are waiting in the parlor.”
“Ah, yes.” Alexander nodded, only then remembering that he had promised Rose he would take her for a stroll through Hyde Park. To be quite honest, he was in no mood for strolling and offering forced smiles to acquaintances he would pass by, but he had to do so for Rose’s sake. “Thank you, Stirling,” he added as he moved away from the canvas, leaving it open for Mr. Stirling to see it in all its glory.
“If you will permit me, Your Grace, she is lovely,” Mr. Stirling noticed.
Alexander turned to look in the same direction as Mr. Stirling. She truly was. Even more than that. She was a beautiful mirror of his own feelings—achingly mesmerizing, unfinished, with the potential of becoming something more. He wondered if the mixture of beauty and mystery that reigned on the canvas would transcend its confines.
“She is the embodiment of lovely, Stirling,” Alexander corrected him, certain that Mr. Stirling’s loyalty and friendship warranted his own honesty in the matter. “That is the problem.”
Mr. Stirling’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Why would that be a problem?”
“It is as if fate wants us to keep meeting,” Alexander revealed. “I keep stumbling onto her during every social event.”
“Well, she is a beautiful young lady who is, I’m sure, searching for a kindred soul.” Mr. Stirling always knew how to put these things delicately. “It is only to be expected that she, too would attend important social events of the season, just like Lady Rose.”
Alexander smiled. “You always make so much sense, Stirling.”
“I try, Your Grace.” Mr. Stirling bowed his head slightly. “However, that doesn’t mean that fate hasn’t gotten involved in your story.”
Alexander glanced at the canvas again. “I met her at the musicale last night.”
“And?” Mr. Stirling urged.
“And I don’t know what to do.” Alexander inhaled deeply. “She’s awakened something in me, something I thought was long dormant. But I told you this before.”
“Indeed,” Mr. Stirling mused wisely. “Has anything changed?”
“I am still torn, Stirling. That hasn’t changed,” Alexander admitted. “It is difficult to let go of the past.”
His wise butler offered a reassuring smile. “No one is asking of you to forget Lady Amelia, Your Grace. But she is not alive any longer, may she rest in peace. You, on the other hand, are. And living creatures need to be happy. Otherwise, what are they living for?”
What are you living for?
The question rang inside his mind like a million church bells, reminding him of a long-forgotten truth. His heart was heavy with conflicting emotions, but Mr. Stirling always knew the right words to say. That was why Alexander knew that he needed to give him the most truthful answer.
“I honestly don’t know if I’m living anymore,” Alexander replied, his words falling like the heaviest of burdens on him. “When Amelia died, I truly felt like this was life in death for me. I only found the strength to continue because Helen and Rose needed me. And now, having met Emily, I… I feel that something’s changed, Stirling. Like an earthquake that made a rumble of everything, and I cannot make heads or tails of anything.”
Much to his surprise, Mr. Stirling smiled. “Love can do that, Your Grace.”
“I didn’t ask for this.” Alexander shook his head. “And I’m not even certain that this is love.”
“No?” Mr. Stirling tilted his head as he looked at him, almost as if to take a more introspective look at a man who believed he did not know the answer to his question, while in reality, the answer was staring him dead in the face.
“Love is… too much to contemplate right now.” That was as much as Alexander could admit. “I had one love. Asking for another would be asking too much.”
