Page 51 of For One Moment With You
‘I can’t believe you’re thinking about letting him move back in.’ Lizzie was incensed. ‘He’s a scumbag. He’ll never change.’
‘Don’t say that about him. He’s my husband. And if they found out what had happened, the boys would be devastated.’ I poured her another glass of wine. ‘I can’t do that to them.’
Lizzie shook her head. ‘I honestly think if they knew the truth, the boys would understand. Anyway, what’s to stop him doing it again?’
‘I don’t think he will. And Lizzie, please don’t tell Mum and Dad,’ I said. ‘I’m fine – I really am. And I know it sounds like I’m making it easy for Gareth, but the only reason I’m doing it is for the boys.’
‘I won’t tell them – not this time. Only because I’m thinking of them,’ she said furiously. ‘It would really upset them to know what that bastard has put you through.’
I changed the subject. ‘How’s Rick?’ Rick was Lizzie’s boyfriend, the latest in a long line of them, none of whom had lasted.
‘Fine,’ she snapped. ‘Don’t change the subject. Tilly, you need to tell Gareth he’s on his last warning.’
‘I’ll talk to him,’ I promised.
But as things often do, something else came along, seemingly out of the blue – almost.
It hadn’t escaped me that my parents had been unusually absent of late. But they had other things on their minds.
For a while, Mum hadn’t been well. Nothing she could put her finger on.
‘I’m getting old,’ she said, smiling, when I questioned her. ‘Everyone gets little niggles. Our bodies don’t go on forever.’
‘You’re not that old, Mum. You’re only sixty-two.’ More weeks had passed, more appointments leading to more tests, revealing that these were not just niggles. My lovely mum had bowel cancer.
While I was still dealing with the aftermath of what Gareth had done, it felt like a bomb had exploded in my world. But as the pieces of it settled never to be the same again, this one focused my mind with razor sharpness. First up, I compiled a list of what was important. Up at the top with supporting Mum were the boys, my family. Lizzie. It should have spoken volumes that Gareth only figured somewhere below midway, sliding towards close to the bottom.
Timing really was everything. There was no longer any question that Gareth wouldn’t move back in. When the boys were worried enough about their grandmother being ill, it was important they had consistency in their lives. Gareth moving back was easier than breaking up with him. And to my surprise, Gareth came into his own.
‘I can hold the fort here – if you need to be with your mum.’
I accepted – gratefully. Besides, right now, our differences seemed less important. And so we fell back into the familiarity of our time-old routines. As I’d said to Gareth before, we’d vowed to weather storms and I for one was prepared to honour that. But any peace was short-lived. In the thick of my mother’s illness, I could sense storm clouds gathering.
‘It’s like life is transitioning,’ I tried to explain to Lizzie. ‘One minute the boys were, well, boys. Now, all of a sudden, they’re talking about uni courses, – and at the same time, Mum and Dad are getting older, and Mum’s sick.’ I stared at her. ‘Do you think life goes like this for everyone?’
‘I’m guessing shades of. But isn’t it just part of getting older?’ she said quietly. ‘Tills. I’ve been dying to tell you something.’ She held out the hand I hadn’t noticed she was hiding behind her back. On her ring finger was a large, glittering diamond.
‘Oh my God.’ I did a double take. ‘Rick proposed?’
Nodding, her face lit up. ‘It was so romantic. He brought me roses and took me out for dinner. Honestly, I’m so happy.’ Her grin was infectious as she hugged me.
But I already knew how happy Rick made her. From the start, it seemed like they were meant for each other. ‘I’m so happy for you.’ All these emotions were welling up inside me, my happiness for my sister poignant, bittersweet, because of what our mum was going through. ‘More than anything else, I’m so happy you’re happy.’ I looked at her. ‘Do Mum and Dad know?’
Her eyes were shining as she shook her head. ‘We’re going to see them this evening.’
‘Mum will be beside herself.’ My smile dropped as I thought of her. I knew how she’d want to plan a big wedding for Lizzie just as she had for me. But we both knew it would be too much for her.
‘I can’t wait to tell her. But it’s going to be a small wedding, Tills – Rick and I have talked about it.’ She paused. ‘I have a favour to ask… Will you be my matron of honour? I swear no pink dresses…’
I grinned at her. ‘Try stopping me! And I really don’t care what I wear!’ Then tears filled my eyes. I blinked them away. ‘Sorry! I’m so happy for you… You know I am.’
‘Don’t be sorry,’ Lizzie said gently. ‘It’s an emotional roller coaster, isn’t it?’ Her eyes were bright as she hugged me again.
Lizzie’s and Rick’s happiness was like a ray of sunlight on us all at a time our family most needed it. It also illuminated the shortcomings of my own marriage far too brightly. Lizzie and Rick were a team in a sense that Gareth and I had never been. He had her back; would have done anything in the world for her.
Under no illusions that Gareth and I had a way to go, I was discovering there was no quick fix, that the scars of infidelity are lasting. But life was moving on in leaps and bounds, the way that it does sometimes. Very soon, while Lizzie and Rick were making wedding plans, our household was obsessed with A-level grades and degree course requirements. My tour of the UK began for uni open days and interviews, one Gareth opted out of. It was a part of the boys’ lives I wanted to be there for, to hold their hands through, knowing before long, they’d be flying the nest; I’d be alone.
Alone. That word again. I never paused to think that given Gareth lived in the same house, it was a strange choice of word. I wasn’t alone – not physically. But emotionally, spiritually, despite our best efforts, it was like we lived on different planets. He contributed to our mortgage, but his investment ended there. Everything else was down to me.
