Page 50 of For One Moment With You
My heart leapt as looking up, I saw Adam standing there. I did a double take. I couldn’t believe I was seeing him again so soon after the last time.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked.
Where the heck did I start? ‘Yes – and not really,’ I said.
‘Like some company?’
It was like my heart breathed out, a breath that carried with it my frustrations, my sadness, my weariness. ‘I’d love some.’
The waiter brought my glass of wine. ‘Could I have the same?’ Adam said. Then he looked at me. ‘You look like you’re carrying the cares of the world.’
‘Really?’ Tears pricked my eyes.
‘What’s wrong?’ he said gently.
I sighed. ‘I’ve spent the last hour dissecting the nuts and bolts of my marriage. I’ve just been to see a divorce lawyer,’ I explained.
He looked startled. ‘You’ve really reached that point?’
I nodded. ‘Gareth’s been having an affair. He’s moved out. I haven’t told the boys yet.’ I had a lump in my throat just thinking about it. ‘How do I do that? Tell them their parents are breaking up?’
‘I can’t imagine.’ Adam looked sympathetic. ‘But shouldn’t you do it together?’
I shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now.’ I tried to make a joke of it. ‘I’m sorry. But you did ask!’ I changed the subject. ‘So what brings you back here – again?’
He hesitated. ‘Louise asked me to pick something up – and I suppose I was hoping I might bump into you again. Not that I was wishing anything like this on you,’ he added quickly.
I was silent for a moment. I wanted to see him too, but I couldn’t tell him that. Not when right now, life was already far too complicated. ‘Are you happy?’ I asked. ‘You and Louise?’
I knew in the silence that followed that there wasn’t a simple answer. But maybe there never was; maybe all of us had something going on.
‘We’re OK,’ he said at last. He picked up his glass and sipped some of his wine. Then he got up and left some money on the table. ‘What would you say if I suggested that we get out of here?’
It was like time had rolled back; like it was days before my wedding again. Except years later, Gareth had met someone; I was starting divorce proceedings. I was free to do whatever I wanted. I got up, then Adam and I started walking towards the park where we’d walked all those summers ago. At some point, Adam’s hand found mine, then tightened around it.
I didn’t know where we were going, just that my heart was racing; sparks flying between us, sparks that were such it seemed that people were turning to watch us. Until I stopped. I knew how it felt to be betrayed.
‘Adam? What about Louise?’
The light left his eyes, leaving in its place angst. ‘Of course. Louise.’ He let go of my hand. ‘Tilly? Louise and I…’ he started to say.
I placed a finger to his lips. ‘Don’t say anything,’ I whispered. ‘There’s already so much going on right now.’ I shook my head, suddenly overcome with sadness as reaching up, I kissed his cheek.
* * *
I remember how I felt back then. How, in spite of everything, I tried to keep us together while Gareth was intent on walking away. Maybe that was the time I should have accepted we were over. When I look back, it seems like the Universe was on our case again. Seeing Adam twice like that when my life was falling apart… The signs were loud and clear, but yet again, I ignored them. Instead, I’d put divorce proceedings on hold, wanting to talk to Gareth about it before it went any further. But in the event, he and his woman lasted a month. I never found out her name. I didn’t want to know. I’d had a hunch it would only be a matter of time before he’d come grovelling back. Sure enough, I was right.
* * *
‘I made a terrible mistake, Tilly.’ Gareth looked miserable. ‘I never realised how much I’d miss you and the boys. I love you. I should tell you more often. And I’m sorry. Please… Can we give us another chance?’
Whatever I’d imagined happening, I hadn’t been prepared for this, for Gareth’s remorse and regret, his declarations of love. Knowing I wouldn’t have to tell the boys we were breaking up, relief washed over me.
‘We need to talk about this,’ I said. ‘Things have to change. You left me, Gareth. You can’t just come back and expect everything to go back to how it used to be.’
‘I know.’ He looked wretched. ‘We will talk – I promise.’ Coming closer, he took my hands. ‘I just want us to be a family again.’
* * *
