Page 31 of For One Moment With You
‘I’ve packed away a few things I thought you’d want to keep. But you should probably go through the rest.’
‘It’s only stuff, Mum. And I’ll talk to Alex. Maybe we can come down together in the next couple of weeks.’ He paused. ‘Are you sure you’re OK?’
‘Yes.’ I tried to keep my voice steady. ‘Seeing as I don’t have a job right now, it seems the perfect time to go away for a bit. Not sure where yet, but I’ll let you know when I get there.’
‘Wow.’ He paused. ‘Good for you, Mum. Dad’s an idiot. Be careful, won’t you?’
‘I will.’ Tears filled my eyes. ‘You too.’
I gave myself a couple of minutes before I called Alex and told him what was happening.
‘Fuck.’ He was silent. ‘This is really quick.’
‘I know. But your father wants to buy a house with…’ I couldn’t bring myself to addOlivia.
‘Does this mean I need to pick up my stuff?’ He sounded anxious.
‘It might be a good idea to go through it. But of course you don’t have to take it all with you. You will always have a place to stay. We’ll make sure of that. And I’m sure you can ask Dad to store it for you.’ I paused. ‘I’m so sorry you’re having to do this, Al.’
‘It isn’t your fault,’ he said mutinously.
‘There’s no point blaming anyone. It’s happened.’ I didn’t want to make this any harder for my boys than it already was. ‘Look, I will get another place – eventually. When I get back.’ I hadn’t overthought any of this; it was almost like someone else had decided for me, that going away was what I needed.
‘Where are you going?’ Alex sounded surprised.
‘I’m not sure yet. But once I have another house, you can leave as much stuff as you like there.’
‘It’s going to be weird, Mum. You not being there.’
But it was already weird, before this happened. Life hadn’t been the same since the boys left. ‘I love you Al. And I’ll only be a flight away. I can be back in a day if you need me.’
Steeling myself, I then called my father. ‘Hi, Dad. I thought I should let you know, I’m going away for a bit.’
‘Away?’ He sounded bewildered. ‘How long for?’
‘I’m not sure.’ I hesitated. ‘I’m going to buy a one-way ticket. I just need a change of scene while I figure out what to do next.’ I waited for him to speak. In that moment, I’d have given anything for him to sympathise; to tell me to have a big adventure. That however tough it seemed, life would be OK again.
But he was silent. ‘You’re not going to fix anything by running away.’ There was disapproval in his voice.
‘If there was anything to fix, I’d stay,’ I said sadly. ‘You know I suggested you find a cleaner? I think the time has come, Dad. Like I said, I’m not going to be here.’
I took a car load of stuff to a local charity shop. Then that night, Elena came over.
She looked somewhat doubtfully around the slowly emptying house. ‘There’s still a lot of stuff.’
‘Well, bloody Gareth can pull his finger out. I’m not doing all of it. I’ve packed.’ I nodded towards the rucksack, an old one of Alex’s he never used but couldn’t bring himself to throw out. ‘Most of my clothes have gone to a charity shop.’
Elena looked astonished. ‘I have to say I never thought you’d be able to do this.’
‘The clothes were the easy bit.’ Actually, none of this was easy – but it was done and I wasn’t going to dwell on it. ‘I just have to decide where I’m going.’ I frowned, but while I’d been going through my old letters and photos, wallowing in nostalgia, a song had kept coming back to me. It was one I remembered my mum playing while she was cooking Sunday lunch, when Lizzie and I were young, as suddenly I made my most rash decision yet. ‘This might sound mad, but actually, I know where I’m going. To San Jose.’
Elena looked at me in bewilderment.
‘You know, El. The song – “Do You Know the Way to San Jose?” By Burt Bacharach and Hal David? Dionne Warwick used to sing it. You must know it.’ I frowned at her. ‘Everyone’s heard of it.’ Then I felt myself freeze, because I remembered it playing at Adam’s, too, that afternoon I was at his.
‘Not me.’ She looked curious. ‘Where is it?’
‘Er…’ Faltering, I googled it.
