Page 104 of The Perfect Son
“What if I don’t want to get better?” A single tear traces a line down my cheek. “Jamie is everything to me.”
“But you’re ill, Tess. You think someone is trying to get you. You thought I was trying to take Jamie away from you.” Shelley shifts in her seat and pulls up her handbag. “I... I did take something from your house.” She peels open the zip of her bag and pulls out the fridge magnet of Jamie, the one I thought had fallen off and been kicked under the fridge. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to take it, but I couldn’t help myself. I sometimes try to imagine what Dylan would look likenow, and when I saw this photo and Jamie’s blond hair and blue eyes, I thought it could be what my baby would look like now and I took it. I’m sorry.”
Shelley presses the magnet into my hand and I stare at Jamie’s face until tears take over my vision.
“I thought because we’d both lost our sons that I could help you. I’m going to take a break from being a grief counselor. Spending time with you has made me realize that I still have a lot of my own grief to work through.”
“What would you do to see Dylan again now?” I whisper.
“Anything. Anything in the world.”
“And what if you did see him? What if you got him back and someone tried to take him away again and tell you you were crazy. What would you do?”
“I... I don’t know,” she says.
I turn my head to look at Shelley. Tears are falling down her cheeks and she looks like she will crumble to the floor at any moment.
“You can’t pick and choose with this kind of illness, Tess,” she says, wiping her hands across her face. “The paranoia, the man on the phone. They are part of your illness too.”
“You’re right,” I lie. “Please don’t tell Sadler I said that.”
Shelley smiles and cups my hand in hers. “It’ll get easier.”
“Has it got easier for you?” I ask.
Water builds, shimmering green in her eyes. “No.”
I nod and close my eyes again, shutting Shelley and her tears out.
“Thank you,” I whisper, “for everything you’ve done for me, Shelley. You’ve been the perfect friend.” The lie comes easily. It’s what she wants to hear.
I listen to her sobs and pretend to sleep again.
CHAPTER 65
IAN
I admit to going into Tess’s house when she wasn’t there. I went to see if she was all right. She didn’t answer the door, and I was worried about her, so I used my key and went in. It’s hardly breaking and entering if I had a key. It had been my mother’s house, after all. I didn’t take anything, but while I was there, I wanted to see if I could find Mark’s life insurance policy and make it easy for Tess to see it. I thought if she saw it, it might be the kick she needed to get things sorted.
I deeply regret telling Tess that Mark owed me money. I wasn’t thinking straight at the funeral. My brother and nephew had just died in the most tragic of circumstances. I think it affected me more than I realized at the time. On top of that, my business partner decided he was going to sell the business and retire. I asked Mark for the money before Christmas and he was going to extend their mortgage or apply for a loan. He was going to help. I’d have done the same for him if I wasn’t maxed out.
I needed money, and I couldn’t ask Tess for a loan at the funeral. We didn’t exactly have a good relationship. I didn’t mean to lie to her. I just panicked and it came out. I thought if I told her Mark owed me money, she’d give me some of the life insurance. I knew about the policy. It was written in the will and I knew he’d left everything to his wife and son. I was only asking for a fraction of it to save my business.
I wasn’t waiting for Tess when she drove back into the village that Easter Saturday. I just happened to be on my way back from a friend’s birthday lunch and thought I’d stop by and see her. I didn’t even know it was her car until we turned off the A12 and into the village. I flashed my lights to say hi and she just hit the accelerator. I drove after her to check she was all right, but when she swerved onto the other side of the road I realized I might’ve scared her by accident. I’d been drinking with lunch. I wasn’t over the limit but I might’ve been on it, and I didn’t want to go through the whole Breathalyzer thing, so I just drove home.
I haven’t been a good person to Tess, I see that now. I lost Mark too. I think the grief has messed me up more than I realized, but in the end I really was just trying to help her.
I believe that the facts stated in this witness statement are true.
Signed,
Ian Clarke
SHELLEY
Looking back, it’s easy to say that I should’ve seen it earlier. There were signs right from the start. Even on my first visit, there were two bowls of breakfast cereal in the sink. I just thought Tess had changed her mind about what she wanted to eat. It really wasn’t obvious, is what I’m trying to say.
The night the police came to the house and Tess told the operator that Jamie was in bed, I thought maybe the police had it muddled. Tess didn’t say anything about it when the officers asked. It was me who showed them Jamie’s room was empty.
