Page 135 of Stay With Me
“Tell him it’s mine,” he blurts, and my breath hitches at how easily he throws out that idea.
What is he talking about?
I’m in disbelief at his reaction to all of this. When I spoke to Noah yesterday, I was so certain he’d want nothing to do with me or be so angry he’d tell me to leave. But instead, he’s ready to take responsibility for a baby that isn’t his.
Though I could never let him do that.
“I wish I could, but I can’t lie to him about his own child. I hate him just as much as you do, but it wouldn’t be fair to him or the baby. He or she deserves to know who their biological fatheris, even if he’s a piece of shit. I also can’t put you in that position to have your family thinkin’ it’s yours when it’s not.”
“Are you plannin’ to tell him right away?”
“Not if I don’t have to. There’s no legal obligation sayin’ I have to involve him in my pregnancy. When he or she is born, then I’ll tell him. But if he wants to see the baby, it’ll be supervised. Knowing how he is, he’ll be unreliable anyway, which is why it’s even more important for me to get a plan in place.”
He leans back slightly. “Whaddya mean by that? What kind of a plan?”
“Well, I’ll be a single mom. I own a business and won’t be workin’ for a while after I give birth, so I need to figure out how I’m gonna support myself and the baby. I need to look into childcare and insurance. This was obviously unplanned, so I need to sort out how I’m gonna do this. Travis can’t hold a job, so I can’t rely on consistent child support.”
Tripp looks at me as if he’s staring into my soul, and I avert my gaze when the realization of what I’m saying hits him.
“You don’t have to do this on your own, Sunny. I’m here. I’ll help you. Just because I hate that motherfucker doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be involved or here for you. I want you, no matter what. You havin’ his baby doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
Fuck me, he’s so goddamn nice and a way better man than I deserve.
Why can’t he just get mad and scream at me so I wouldn’t feel like absolute shit for what I’m about to say?
“Tripp...you don’t deserve to go through the shitstorm I’d push you in. You didn’t ask for this responsibility. This is mine to figure out, not yours.”
“Don’t...” He shakes his head. “Don’t you dare push me away.”
“That’s not what I’m doing. I’m protectin’ you. You’re not seein’ the bigger picture right now because you want us to go back to how everything was before. If you think clearly for just aminute, you’ll realize I’m right and that it’d be easier in the long run if we returned to being just friends.”
“No,” is his immediate response.
I cock my head at the finality in his tone. He’s not acting at all the way I assumed he would, and it’s throwing me off. How can he just talk like we’d be one big, happy family after that?
“Tripp, this isn’t what you envisioned for your life. Being with a woman who’s about to be a first-time mom, dealing with pregnancy sickness, numerous appointments, and labor. Not to mention the newborn phase. Then the infant and toddler stages. How are we supposed to be in a relationship when my life’s going to revolve around raising a child?”
“You’re so used to that asshole disappointing you that you’ve defaulted to thinkin’ all men will fail you. I know you’re strong and independent. You’re used to only relyin’ on yourself, but you don’t have to anymore. You’re scared I’m gonna let you down because that’s all you know when it comes to relationships. But I’m not him, Sunny. I’m not going anywhere.”
I hate that he knows me well enough to see right through me and although he’s somewhat right in his assumption, I can’t fold when I’ve already made my decision. Admittedly, it’d be so easy to give in to what he’s offering. So damn easy to curl into his arms and sayokay. Just like all the times I gave in and went back to Travis. That’s how I know it’d be the wrong decision. For once, I’m not going to cling to safety and familiarity, not when it could also ruin Tripp’s life.
Mentally, I’d prepared for yelling, anger, rejection, and disgust even. But this? I didn’t expect his reaction to be so accepting and it’s making it so much damn harder to explain why we can’t stay together. This is for the best. He just doesn’t see that at the moment.
“I’d never compare the two of you. But I can’t allow you to take on this burden that’s not yours.”
“Don’t I get a say in that? Shouldn’t I get to decide what I wanna do?”
“It’s much more than me being pregnant. It’s dealing with Travis for the next eighteen years. It’s the way people will make assumptions about you being with me and having his baby. It’s the responsibility of taking care of achild.It’s no longer about whatIwant. Being in a relationship seems selfish when a baby is going to be fully dependent on me. That’s where my energy should go. We’re already jugglin’ our work schedules to make time to see each other. It’d be selfish as hell for me to expect you to accept second priority in my life. You deserve so much more than that.”
His jaw twitches as if he’s holding back screaming his lungs out at me. “You don’t even wanna try after everything it took to get here?”
I wish it were that easy.
I swallow, choking back my emotions. “And prolong the pain when you inevitably get tired of only getting scraps of me? I want nothin’ more than for you to find someone who makes you insanely happy. We’ll always be a part of each other’s lives because of Noah, but I won’t get in the way of your happiness.”
“You are right now.”
Tears continue to well in the corner of my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. I need to remain strong to get through this because right now I want to fold and accept everything he’s offering. But I know I can’t.
