Page 35 of The Baxters
Tears slid down Ashley’s cheeks as she looked atCole. How could she have gotten that low, that detached from her own heart, from what mattered? “Baby Cole,” she whispered his name. He was asleep now, his bottle empty. His soft cheek snuggled against her chest. “How could I have thought for a minute that…”
Ashley couldn’t finish her thought.
She could still see herself sitting in that lobby, talking to one of the workers and realizing what was about to happen. All she could think about was her family, and everything she’d ever been taught. And how if she went through with the abortion there would be no going back, no second-guessing that decision. When they called her name, Ashley stood and ran out of the clinic.
As fast as she could.
In the season that followed, Ashley worked at a bakery before finally calling home. And while her parents had welcomed her back to Bloomington, Luke accused Ashley to her face of trashing the Baxter family name and behaving in a way that was hardly Christian.
“I’mnota Christian,” she had shouted at him a number of times.
But he would only sneer at her. “Yes you are, Ash. You’re just a bad one.”
A bad Christian? Ashley breathed in sharp through her nose and ran her thumb over Cole’s little arm. How could Luke say such a thing? Not that it mattered, because she had told her brother the truth. She didn’t believe in God the way her family did anymore.
She wasn’t a bad Christian as Luke had so oftenpointed out. But she was a bad daughter and sister and mother. She was bad. Period.
Which was something Landon Blake didn’t fully understand about her. Sure, he knew she had a baby and he could clearly see there was no father in the picture. She hadn’t waited until marriage the way she’d planned and she wasn’t following her family’s faith. He didn’t seem to care. He still pursued Ashley, determined they were meant to be together.
But Landon had no idea that Cole’s dad was a married man, or that Ashley had been a willing party to the whole sordid affair. That it had practically been her idea.
If Landon ever knew that, he would stop trying. Stop coming around and looking for ways to convince her they might still have a chance. Maybe that’s what she needed to do, tell him the truth. The entire truth. So he would realize she was right about being different now. So he’d finally move on. Because somewhere out there was a girl who was innocent and pure and true, like Landon.
He needed to wait for her.
Not Ashley.
She kissed her baby’s cheek again. “Cole, what’s your mommy going to do tonight?”
They would all get in the limo any minute now.
For a moment, she tried to picture it. There would be music and dancing and she would be dressed like Cinderella at the ball. And in the midst of all that Landon would walk into the room. Handsome and tall, he would take her breath. And then he’d ask her to dance.
And all she’d want was to feel his arms around her one more time. Which could never happen. No, if Landon asked her to dance tonight Ashley would have just one choice. She would look for the quickest way out.
Even if it was nowhere near midnight.
11
The limo was in the driveway of the Baxter house, and Kari’s sisters were ready on the covered front porch. The spot where they would take a few last pictures before heading to the chapel. Upstairs, her mom was putting the final touches on her makeup and her dad was getting things ready in the kitchen for later.
Which left Kari alone in the bridal room.
Her parents would come for her any minute, ready to escort her to the car. The way they’d planned. She looked at herself in the full-length mirror, the one set up near the window.
Every line and drop, every bit of lace and tulle was just how she had pictured it. When she imagined her wedding day the way girls sometimes do, she’d always pictured looking just like this. Exactly.
Kari smoothed her hand over the bodice and stared at her reflection. Once a few years ago, she had spent three days modeling wedding dresses for a catalog shoot in Indianapolis. At the time she’d still been in college, still in love with Ryan.
Between sets, Kari had taken a moment alone inwhat had been her favorite dress of the job. Turning one way and then the other, for a few seconds she had seen herself not as a model doing a job. But as a girl standing at the front of a church facing the only guy she had ever planned on marrying.
Even then she had known something that thrilled her. Despite the stunning dress and her professionally done hair and makeup, when her actual wedding day came she would feel even more beautiful. Because she wouldn’t be a model showing off a gown.
She’d be the bride.
And here she was. Kari spun so she could see all angles of the dress, the way she looked in it, the way Tim would see her in a few hours. All of it was perfect except one slight problem, something she had tried to forget for the last few hours.
Not the fact that Ryan Taylor had come by today or the way she’d felt being near him again. The way his fingers felt intertwined with hers. Those things could be understood and excused. They didn’t mean she was having doubts or marrying the wrong guy. Ryan shouldn’t have come. Her mother shouldn’t have let him in.
