Page 23 of The Baxters
Dozens of times she’d read his words, and each time they hit her the same way. She started at the beginning.
Dear Kari,
I’ve been home for a while, working every day to recover. The injury nearly paralyzed me, but then, I guess you know that. God gave me a miracle with the surgery, Kari. I have feeling in my feet and legs, and I’ll be able to walk and run like before. The doctors say if I work hard enough I might even play again.
But you know what? None of that matters compared to getting through to you.
Every time I call, you don’t answer. And no matter how hard I try, you won’t talk to me. I drive by your house and see your car and all I want to do is stop. Talk to you. Have you explain to me what happened.
I seriously don’t get it, Kari. I’m there in Chicago playing one of my best games ever and next thing I know I’m on the ground. I can’t move. And you, Kari girl… you and your dad come to the hospital to see me.
That’s where things get crazy. Because that night you were there, and in the morningyou were gone. Just like that. With no conversation or explanation. And I’m left here doing rehab ten hours a day trying to figure it all out.
So what happened? Why did you leave?
The details keep running through my mind but they never add up. All I know is you’re there, and I’m here. Stuck in Dallas trying to get better and trying to understand why we’re not together.
Please, call me. Write to me. Tell me what I did wrong. Whatever it is, I’m sorry. I can’t stop thinking about you. Honestly, I miss you with every breath, Kari girl.
Love you always,
Ryan
Tears slid onto her cheeks before Kari could stop them. She dabbed at them with the bottom of her T-shirt. Now she’d have to fix her makeup before she got dressed. She sniffed and blinked her eyes.Do not cry over Ryan, Kari. Not today. Please, God, help me get a grip.
She stared at the page and gradually her eyes dried. It was one thing for Ryan to cheat on her, to have another girl in his hospital room. But this letter? The whole page of lies? As long as she lived Kari would never understand why Ryan had done that.
Things were dead between them. Why try to breathelife into it with these delusions? Of course she wouldn’t talk to him. Did he really think she didn’t know about the other girl? Wouldn’t it have occurred to him when he realized that not one—but two—girlfriends had showed up at the hospital?
Kari guessed things hadn’t worked out with the other girl. Otherwise Ryan would’ve given up long ago. And he wouldn’t have said the things he did in the letter. He couldn’t stop thinking about her? He missed her with every breath? And how dare he call herKari girlnow, when they both knew about his cheating.
Her eyes stung again, but she was done crying about Ryan Taylor. Since the day they met, Kari had known him to be honest. But clearly the NFL had changed him. Maybe he thought having a girl on the side was just a way of life. The old Ryan never would’ve felt like that. But this new Ryan, maybe he believed he could still be close to Kari and tell her he loved her and call herKari girl.
All while he had other girls in the wings. Girls he didn’t really care for.
Kari had heard of professional athletes who lived that way. She folded the letter and stuck it back in the envelope. Then she slid it again to the bottom of the box. If Ryan Taylor assumed Kari was okay with that sort of lifestyle, then he was gravely mistaken.
And he had changed even more than she thought.
She stood and put the box back on the shelf. Then she crossed her room and sat on the edge of her bed. Hereyes fell on her wedding dress again. It was so pretty. The gown practically screamed at her to put the past behind her. Today was about Tim. Her forever with the man she loved.
Which was maybe why it was so important to read Ryan’s letter. So she could remind herself that those days were over. She could never leave Tim for someone who lied to her. Someone who had so completely betrayed her.
Kari looked around the room again. The fashion calendar on the wall near the closet—the one where she was both February and July. And the four framed photos on either side. Her three sisters and her at the lake, Kari and her parents at her high school graduation. And a couple pictures of all five kids when they were little.
Strange.No pictures of Tim and me. She let the thought go. After today there would be plenty. In her new home with her husband, and here, at this house. Her parents would find a perfect spot for their wedding photo. Somewhere near the one of Brooke and Peter, no doubt.
Yes, of course that would happen. As soon as they returned from their honeymoon.
Thunder cracked outside and the wind picked up. Kari stood and walked to the corkboard on the opposite wall. Mementos from college were still pinned there. Her report card from her freshman year at Indiana University. The handout someone had given her inviting her to the campus Bible study.
The place where she first met Tim.
Kari smiled. There it was. Proof that she loved Tim. Otherwise she wouldn’t still have that slip of paper on her wall. She walked to the window. Was there really going to be a tornado today?
Please, no, Lord. Clear the weather.She thought for a moment.Clear my heart first.Again there was no response, no reassurance. This was ridiculous. She was making herself sick sitting up here, waffling between thoughts of Tim and Ryan. If she didn’t stop, she’d talk herself out of getting married.
All because she was letting her mind get away from her.
